W has PTSD and in MLC

[marriedCrazy]

I can't feed into that. Supportive but detached. Right?

RIGHT!!

I've always been the ear that my W could lay all her sh!t on; because I always wanted to feel "safe" with me. But you have to be careful and make sure that you don't take what she says with too much weight. Obviously I don't either one of you; but I bet you have a pretty good BS detector in regards to your W. Trust it...better yet; just let her talk and DO NOT put weight into those words. My W could say things that I wanted to hear based on what I told her sister. You have to watch for actions my friend.

But you're starting to get it...in words anyway!! LOL!!

Actions my friend.

OH...Her enabling GF (EGF)...just ignore that crap. Jack is right; when she comes around she'll she just how much of a "friend" that girl will be later. Trust me!!

God Bless

[Lostforwords]

TG-

MC has the "friend" issue nailed. My wife had tons of "friends" saying the house, kids, and I were the problem. That she was a party girl and we were just tying her down.

Guess what...as soon as she slowed down on the partying, etc...all those "friends" disappeared pretty damn quick. Not because she booted them, but because the didn't have some one to share in THEIR misery.

I like the John Coffey metaphor....that is a good one.

[Truegritter]

Hey I probably just F'd up but I had to this for ME. I won't withstand attacks on my character. especially cowardly ones. I wrote W's friend and copied W. below:

I have on at least two occasions seen communications from you which I would characterize as less than friendly to me and my marriage. I know that you are aware that (W) and I have had, and are continuing to have, difficulties in our marriage. On the first occasion sometime early last year you counseled my wife to leave me and look for a wealthy man, even offering to introduce her to such a man. Recently, you counseled her that I was not what she needed and that I had been what she need when she needed it, but my usefulness had run its course. I am paraphrasing what you wrote. How could you offer such advice with such limited knowledge of me or our marriage?

I do not characterize this a friendly behavior to our marriage. I can understand with my limited knowledge of your situation and history that I have learned from (W) that you might be inclined to give her such advice- lumping me in with all the other men you have known and the horrible pain it has caused you. Why would you wish that on (W)? I would hope that you do not measure a person’s character by the size of their bank account. That would be a misfortunate in either direction. After meeting and spending the limited amount of time with (your H) I believe his character transcends his finances.

I am at a loss that you feel qualified to judge my character based on our limited interaction. We have spent probably 4 hours in each other’s presence. Two of which you were highly intoxicated in front of your daughter at my house at Thanksgiving. My intention is not to offend you only to point out that I would not feel I know you well enough to know that this incident was indicative of your character. (woman's name), you know even less about me.

I will not stand for anyone to attack my character. I especially will not stand for it to be said to my wife. If you wish to do that I would hope that you would give me the courtesy to defend myself and base your opinion after you have an opportunity to know me personally. An opportunity that I welcome. I would hope that you continue to be a friend to (W) but please try to respect me and my marriage.

Sincerely,

Trugritter.

Ok I know still I'm attached ( I really am getting better.) but I was choking on this. It felt like it was for ME. And I feel better! I didn't get angry. Just stood up for my integrity and my character.

I thought I'd ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Waiting for my 2X4 ...

[fisherman]

Waiting for my 2X4 ...

Wait no longer.

You've given this ding dong way too much of your time and headspace.

These exchanges with flakes such as this are pointless.

Your energy could be spent on far better things.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

( I really am getting better.)

Right up until a 'friend' of hers attacks your character...

Look man...if a piece of shitt attacks your character...do you validate them by defending yourself? Or do you validate yourself by letting 'their' character speak for themself?

I know I f'd up BUT...

I f-ing hate those buts. : )

I could do this BUT I really cannot...

[cat04]

i hope it made you feel better because you probably just opened yourself up to a whole new set of attacks on your character.

Defending yourself, in rollercoaster land, is pointless....

[Mach1]

I won't withstand attacks on my character. especially cowardly ones.

Are they true ?

Think about that first....

And an outright attack by you via email isn't hypocrisy?

Same sort of attack, and by your own admission, you don't know her that well.....

It just hurts YOU more....

Rise above petty True....




Hmmm...

Sending that email is far worse than ANYTHING you can say to your spouse right now....

A semi-sane friend in the ear of a whacked out MLC mind is like running through a nitroglycerin plant in a dump truck....

Let it go now.....just don't do it again....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I thought I'd ask for forgiveness rather than permission.

This actually bothers me...alot.

The statment is used when you know your doing something wrong.

You do this for you, for YOUR stated objectives...not to please any of us here. YOU, if you knew this was a bad idea to reach your stated objectives...then it was stupid.

We do not grant permission here, your fuckk ups hurt YOU not us, so our forgiveness doesn't matter and shouldn't be sought.

We offer advice, mostly aimed at what NOT to do, because we have the scars from stupid actions previous to yours.

You wanted 2x4's there that should be enough.

[Truegritter]

Ouch. I think all this pain is really f'ing with my judgment. I just lose it. My life IS a rollercoaster. I have been setting boundaries and stepping right over them.

This chick was never my friend and quite frankly I really wouldn't have her in my life by choice either way so I figured WTF?

I didn't figure on the other points you guys pointed out. If anything this makes me disgusted with myself and helping me move to commiting to detachment. Then as you say my armor will be on and I can deflect this petty psycho b.s.

Everything else is going so well. I am excercising. staying busy with other stuff. I just started with IC yesterday. FU*K!

It was stupid. I need to detach. I will detach.

Thanks for the 2X4's I'm going to get some ice.

[Mach1]

Grit...

Just sayin, that email, to a worthless piece of monkeycrap..

Took you,

let's see....8 wpm, look up 3 in thesaurus, 18 to fix the spell check....

Estimated around an hour to compose...????

Give or take 59 minutes ?????

Divide that by the lateral damage it caused....

You dwelling on it..

Isn't there something else to spend that time on ?

This bimbo isn't what is wrong with your marriage....

Stop focusing on, that it is....

In the future, find something better to do, instead of giving all your power away ....


I would imagine , picking splinters will occupy most of the next couple days so that nothing else stupid happens when you DO get a response.....

Mistakes are only mistakes if you do not learn, and keep making them......( nickel Pirate)


Find an excuse to do better Grit......