Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

Her attorney is filing this morning, and the Court will grant, per my attorney, a GAL Motion and Motion for Leave to Amend Petition. She's trying to take my kids away from me. I don't understand what these motions are. I just know this thing is getting meaner and nastier. I feel uncertain and really bothered right now.

[goldeylox]

I don't know about your state, but here, if you file a sole custody petition and lose, it really makes the Petioner look bad. Most of the time backfires. NO FEAR. Trust that God is hard at work. He hears your voice, your prayer for help.

[goldeylox]

I want to clarify a bit...
In October 08, I filed for temporary emergency sole custody, and was awarded it, for 25 days because there was enough evidence to support that my H was abusive.
It was later amended, to a brief visitation schedule, when H came to court with half a dozen 'friends' from Church and told a different tale.
What is different in your case, is that you have NOT tried to demonize your wife, you have LOOKED at your own misgivings, and you are WORKING on you.
Sounds like you have nothing to worry about.
Unless you did something so hedonistic, so reprehensible, on the way to the courthouse TODAY, I think the Judge will see right through this charade. Peace.

[iwantittowork]

Hey Ant,

Follow Goldey's advice. You don't know what is going to happen, so try and focus on the here and now.

I don't understand what these motions are.

Trust in your L to do what is right and best for you. You can't predict the outcome so don't waste energy on what 'may' or 'may not' happen. Focus on what you can, just as goldey says, and trust that things will work out in the end.

Sending thoughts your way, I know this is tough, but you can handle it. Step through that fear, and continue on!

[orangedog]

What is different in your case, is that you have NOT tried to demonize your wife, you have LOOKED at your own misgivings, and you are WORKING on you.
Sounds like you have nothing to worry about.
Unless you did something so hedonistic, so reprehensible, on the way to the courthouse TODAY, I think the Judge will see right through this charade. Peace.

Yup!

[antlers]

Hope things are going well for you antlers. I am in the same point as you, tried to give my W time and "space", did everything I could to save the marriage, she just didnt want to take the time and make it work.

Do you have a sitch summary anywhere?

Hi man.

Things are a real pisser right now, but thanks. Sorry about your situation. It takes 2 to want it, and if 1 doesn't...there is NOTHING you can do except to start taking care of yourself better, and become a better person...for YOU! I'm presently fighting a war that NOBODY wins. I didn't want it, but it's what I got. The kids are innocent casualties.

I don't have a summary. Sorry. I've written a ton on this board.

[antlers]

antlers, the part about your wife whispering to the kids about your 'fitness to parent', and forbidding counseling for them, is not healthy. This is the exact thing that the Judge in our case warned us both not to do.
She is making a big mistake.
But enough about her, how do you choose to respond?
Be the better choice. Kids have pretty good BS radar. While Co-Dependent tactics may work a while (lying, using kids to do the grown-ups' work, avoidance) eventually it gets harder and harder to keep all the balls in the air.
Me, I'm using the Patience method, with a side order of Praying for Him to Crash and Burn approach.
I trust that God is watching out for me and my kids (and even my lousy STBX).

Hi goldeylox.

She doesn't 'whisper' anything to them. She makes sure they get it loud and clear. I know it's not healthy...she doesn't care! Her priority is her, and what she wants. The kids are weapons to her, something she uses to hurt me with. Her behavior is remarkably selfish. She knows I love our kids, and they love me. Yet, she's still doing this.
I know it's a mistake...but God himself couldn't convince her right now that she's doing anything wrong!
This is hard. I wouldn't wish this on someone that I despised!

[antlers]

Acknowledge the icky feeling, and charge ahead.
The opposite of FEAR is FAITH.

Thank You. I do acknowledge them...can't help but to feel em'. I sometimes ask myself...'what's the worst thing that could happen to me?' It sometimes helps put things in perspective.

I have faith...I have fear too. I sometimes feel alone in this though...don't feel a lot from the Man upstairs.

[antlers]

The legal stuff is scary. It's intimidating and uncomfortable.

I thought the same thing so I did my own research, that helped a lot.

Hey volleydog.

I hate it. I'm seeing and hearing things from her now that I NEVER thought possible with her! I'm dumbfounded!

[Gardener]

Hey, antlers,

Yeah, they need it. They have needed it....I think they would refuse to go if I tried to take them.

You are the father. Insist. Period. After identifying a good counselor, see him first alone, learn his approach, his philosophy and get his advice as to how to overcome their reticence and possible refusal to attend. Years ago, my oldest wanted no part of it; my youngest wanted to go. We all went (sons and I, not W). Only about 6 - 8 sessions. Did a lot of good.

Hard to imagine that we were married, and we had a family.

Tell me.