Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

'Today is a gift.'

That's why its called the present!

Catchy!

[iwantittowork]

How on God's earth could someone you care about so much be so vindictive and intentionally inflict so much pain?

I don't know. You probably don't know. You can guess, but you'll likely not be right. The truth is, you may never know 'why'. You'll just have to accept the reality of the way things 'are'.

Your at the L, and trust he will do his best for you.

I can only offer advice from my own sitch and point of view, in hopes that others find what they need in themselves to persevere

She's going after everything she can. Everything. I can't believe this is the woman I spent nearly 2 decades with!

This is the reality. She may get it too. She may not. You simply do not know yet. Accept that she may, and work from there. Like your signature, look squarely at where you are, then accept it: Cut the fear in two and push through it.

How you handle this is the most important thing, and where you wind up in the end from it.

Read SurPrizeMe's thread, and decide if you will let this take you, or you will take it as it comes and continue to survive and thrive in the face of whatever happens or is thrown at you.

That is how you will persevere, in the face of this and all that will come.

That is what I have decided for myself. No matter what stbxw does, what the law decides, what my place and station will be at any given moment, if I have nothing but the clothes on my back, or maybe not even that: I WILL NOT LET THEM TAKE OR BREAK MY SPIRIT, NOR TAKE FROM ME THE ME THAT I AM!!

I almost slipped in that, when my STBXW dropped that bomb, and then as the financial devastation started. I then made the choice to not let those outside things affect the inside IWITW.

What will Antlers decide?

[antlers]

Hi iwantittowork.

Yes, I agree that 'knowing why or how' is much less important than just 'accepting' the reality of the way things 'are'.

I do trust that I and my attorney are doing our best. Things are getting unreal nasty.

And I appreciate you offering whatever you can...thanks.


I'm gonna fight it too, to the best of my ability. Thanks for the reminder about my signature line too, and putting it into perspective helps too.

Agreed. Hard to do...but agreed.

I want to take it as it comes, and I not only want to survive, but to thrive in the face of adversity.

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

That's a determined and STRONG way to look at it, and it's the necessary attitude to have. That's stout!

Maintaining your coolness and staying strong no matter what seems tantamount!

[antlers]

Look squarely at where you are, then accept it: Cut the fear in two and push through it.

Great advice IWITW. Thanks.

[antlers]

That is what I have decided for myself. No matter what stbxw does, what the law decides, what my place and station will be at any given moment, if I have nothing but the clothes on my back, or maybe not even that: I WILL NOT LET THEM TAKE OR BREAK MY SPIRIT, NOR TAKE FROM ME THE ME THAT I AM!!

I almost slipped in that, when my STBXW dropped that bomb, and then as the financial devastation started. I then made the choice to not let those outside things affect the inside me.

Awesome. More great insight and advice. Thanks.

[mnt_dreams]

So true... whatever happens, we have the POWER to not let it break our spirits or sense of self!

[CityGirl]

Hi Antlers,

I am sorry you are having a tough time on the legal front. I think most of us can agree it is very stressful to address all the legal issues. Try and keep in mind in most cases, no matter what the laws of your state are, attnys will ask for the BIGGEST possible settlement so there is room to negotiate.

It took me a long time to totally trust my attny. He was great from day 1 but it is so difficult to put your whole life in the hands of another. Those four hour long meetings are so draining and I remember them well. I would leave my attnys office feeling like I had just been beat to hell.

You have learned from your past errors and that is what matters now for YOU!

[antlers]

Hi CityGirl.

Yeah, it sucks the big one. Yeah, I'm trying to keep that in mind. And also I'm trying to separate the emotional side from the legal side.

I trust mine. It's just ridiculously expensive.

I have learned from my past errors, and I have gained much insight as to why I behaved the way I did. A lot of stuff matters to me now that didn't matter before!


ps - thanks for stopping in. How are you?

[Gardener]

antlers,
Even when you trust your attorney, keep in mind that so much of this is no longer between you and her: it's attorney vs. attorney. Their reputations and egos require them to go after and get as much as they can. To "win" for their client? Yeah, to some extent. But also to beat the other attorney.

My attorney (who really has just been advising throughout the Mediation process with another lawyer/mediator), said to me on more than one occasion,
"You want this!"
"Um, no I don't."
"Oh, yes you do!"
"No. I. Don't."

Have I taken some hits financially? Yeah, and she's taken a couple, too.

And I advise everyone to avoid Mediation like the plague. At least through regular litigation, the lawyers communicate and negotiate. In mediation, you're in that office sitting across from your spouse at every meeting. Emotion is always front and center.

It is said that marriage is about love; divorce is business. Don't get caught up in the business so much that you lose sight of all that you've learned about yourself. Or your dignity and integrity.

My hard-earned $.02.

Good luck.

[antlers]

So true... whatever happens, we have the POWER to not let it break our spirits or sense of self!

Yeah, we have more power than we realize. The trick is to access that power...to make the committment to exercise it. Hard to do under the emotional influences of our situations.

Tomato said it best... "I have resolved that life ebbs and flows all around personal confidence. Harness it my brother. Ask the Lord for His assistance on this matter."