I agree with most everyone else. I don't think you should have that talk with her. Sounds like she had some guilt feelings; and if she's with OW, then it's not your problem, it's her own problem to fix or not. If she needs any validation, OW should do that. I wouldn't try to ease her guilt one bit. The importance of consequences and all that.
I agree with most everyone else. I don't think you should have that talk with her. Sounds like she had some guilt feelings; and if she's with OW, then it's not your problem, it's her own problem to fix or not. If she needs any validation, OW should do that. I wouldn't try to ease her guilt one bit. The importance of consequences and all that.
Karen
Just a quick update- Friday I was driving home from my business trip, and got a text from W that she hoped my trip was wildly successful and that she had brought our dog back home (she watched the dog while I was away). I texted back expressing appreciation for the fact that she took care of the dog, and that I was on my way home.
A few hours later she called. I was still driving and on another call, so I let it roll to voice mail. When I picked up the message, she said she was calling to check that I was going to be home that night. If I wasn't, she would stop by and feed the dog and cat.
So, I called her back. Apparently she didn't get my text, and so didn't know that I was already on my way home. She asked about the training that I did, and we chatted a few minutes about it. As I wasn't happy with the way it went (and told her so), she ended up encouraging and validating me! It was the first time in a very long time that we talked about something that was going on in my life, as I usually ask about her work and make sure that I am positive, encouraging, cheerleading, etc. (partly to DB and partly because I really want to- I really care about what it is going on her life).
NO mention of the "awkward" meeting in the parking lot. Hmmm.
I am trying not to read too much into this as an indicator of any kind of change of direction or mood on her part. I am just going to take it for what it is- a nice pleasant conversation.
However, it did bring bring home just how much I miss her, and the conversations we used to have... As we did not have any kids, with her gone it is just me at home. There is no one who knows me the way she did, and it is hard being without that daily intimate connection with someone who knows you inside and out.
The dog and cat try their best, but it's just not the same. ;-)
Me: 50; Wife: 48 Gay; civil union in NJ no kids M: 15 years, together 17 Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
I know when W was texting me right at the start of all this (after she had moved out but before OM had moved in) she did the same thing - conversation here and there about things and being nice at the same time.
You're right not to read anything into it.
In hindsight I think she did it because of her insecurity - she just fancied a chat and was lonely. Part of me thinks she did it to get at me. Who knows.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Thanks for the reply. I am just going with the flow for now. I do not initiate contact (unless it's something very important), but when she does, I make sure that I am pleasant and friendly, encouraging and supportive. I want her to feel safe with me when the A starts to fall apart.
In your thread you had asked me if I am on the book of faces. I am. How do I find you? I do not want to post my real name here.
Me: 50; Wife: 48 Gay; civil union in NJ no kids M: 15 years, together 17 Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
