I remember reading somewhere a strong LRT. Sitting down and saying "I prefer that the marriage work. But you’re right, it’s not possible and this current situation is into working for either of us. So I’ll help you find a place to live and help you move out.”
With that, you are saying that you prefer the marriage to work, while also sending the message that you will take the responsibility for what happens if you did try to make the marriage work because that’s your decision. But her decision is to leave, so she will be responsible for the consequences of that decision.
I think it is time to seriously consider this LRT.
I think this is exactly where both GIMA and I are.
I am wondering how many other people are in this sort of situation. I would characterize it as a "Stalled WAS" The spouse walked away emotionally/psychologically, but for one reason or another never left and are themselves stuck in the status quot.
I also remember reading something called "Beyond LRT" or "After the Last Resort" or something similar that talks about "If LRT isn't working and your spouse is not actively filing for D and is also not making moves to reconcile, consider filing yourself" -- but now I can't seem to find the reference anywhere. Someone chime in if you know where it is.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I am wondering how many other people are in this sort of situation. I would characterize it as a "Stalled WAS" The spouse walked away emotionally/psychologically, but for one reason or another never left and are themselves stuck in the status quot.
Fear. Doubt. Possibly strategy. Immaturity.
"I want what I want, but I'm afraid to do it." "I want what I want but what if I change my mind." "I want what I want but what if it will be better for me if I wait to pull the trigger." "I want what I want but I don't want to do it - you do it!"
I sure don't know what is in your wife's mind - but I've read your accounts and seen versions of the above. None of those represent positions of strength which ought to encourage you.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
"If LRT isn't working and your spouse is not actively filing for D and is also not making moves to reconcile, consider filing yourself" -- but now I can't seem to find the reference anywhere.
There's tons of examples here on this site, see BigJohn's sitch's, and myself....
Which begs the questions, should I change my login name yet on this site???
Originally Posted By: Greek
"I want what I want but I don't want to do it - you do it!"
I can't tell you how many times this seemed to be the case, from her saying I was going to be paying for the D, to me having to setup mediation meetings, and her just not doing anything remotely forward looking.
It got to the point where she was asking me "So, should we setup another mediation meeting?" and "When is our next mediation meeting?"
That was surreal in the extreme for me.
On the other hand there's cases where people are just hit with the D papers, as well, so every sitch has its differences..
GIMA's seems to mirror mine a bit as well, but his W doesn't seem to be pursuing anything forward. I think that's a bit of cake eating myself, status quo with no strings attached so to speak.
Time to attach some strings GIMA??
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
My sitch is closer to yours IWTW. W moved out and filed back in March. We went to one mediation session, she wanted to go back but never scheduled. D hearing date has been canceled and the judge is throwing the case out if we don't come up with a new date.
I have to date resisted all things D. She is waiting for some magic spark to change her mind. This nothing short of delusional.
She still wants a D saying nothing has changed. We have retro in February if she doesn't change her mind. So we'll see what happens first.
Last edited by C-Bart; 11/02/0910:23 PM.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
