Well anyway she called me this morning seeming fine and telling me that she wanted to come by later to go through the kitchen stuff.
I told her to come whenever she wants and take what she wants. I would say my tone was one of disinterest. I feel like I'm being coordial, but may be coming across as annoyed. She is starting to seem like she's afraid I'm mad at her. Well, I'm not, just tired of her.
She called me later to tell me she got a massage scheduled so she couldn't come by tonight. That's good - she needs the money.
I cooked a really good dinner for my daughters tonight. I need to do this more often.
Glad to see you are working your way out of limbo. I've learned something recently that might help. Our society, family heritage, media, etc have conditioned us, especially men, to rely upon other people(lovers, spouses, parents, etc.) to determine our own self worth. This is a falacy, doomed to failure, and we are doomed to fail. It is impossible, yet it's the only way we know.
The truth is that we alone hold the power to make ourselves whole, to love ourselves, encourage, support, empower, and affirm our own value. God created us for love, and the first step is to love ones own self, just as we are, just as God loves us, thoroughly, deeply, and unconditionally. When we have achieved the self love that we were born to hold, then we will recognize the love that is in all else.
Take care Frank, you're struggle is an inspiration to many.
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
The truth is that we alone hold the power to make ourselves whole, to love ourselves, encourage, support, empower, and affirm our own value. God created us for love, and the first step is to love ones own self, just as we are, just as God loves us, thoroughly, deeply, and unconditionally. When we have achieved the self love that we were born to hold, then we will recognize the love that is in all else.
Take care Frank, you're struggle is an inspiration to many.
Hiya FrankD. I've stopped by your thread to check in on you. I know it's quite belated, but my heart goes out to you over losing your shepherd. They're different than the regular dogs. 16 is incredibly old, surely she lived on love alone by then. I had one that made it to 15. I've waited 16 yrs for another and just got her this spring. I've had 2 other dogs in the interum, and as much as I've loved and enjoyed them, they are dogs. A shepherd is more. I am glad you've moved your office. I remember when you made it a place for your w to do massage. I would've bet money that your situation was going to work out. I thought you'd succesfully pieced yrs ago. Well, life has other plans. Interesting how many layers we must learn.
Realistically, I wasn't whole. And one person can't carry a relationship when they themselves aren't truly whole. No matter how much energy they can expend, ultimately they burn out if the other person is only taking, and not really giving.
There is no blame when it's clear that we were very different in our views of what love and relationship really are.
Had some discussions about various things last week. My life is changing. I am tired of the status quo.
My counselor said that STBX doesn't know what she wants. Most people who want a divorce get all their ducks in a row from the beginning. STBX has done things slowly - usually after I withdraw. For example, she took her cell phone off the plan after 6 months apart.
Last week, she finally got off the car insurance and called me to let me know, saying "So your bill will go down and you'll save money". Like she's doing ME a favor. She said that she knew I had asked her to do this 3 months ago 'so at least something is done'.
Counselor says she does this to hurt me, because she knows that each step she takes towards divorce has historically knocked me off balance and I've drank. So she can justify her actions by blaming me.
I don't do that any more. I stay calm and have a 'whatever' attitude.
I only talk to STBX maybe once a week. I never call her, I send a text.
Counselor said she's still not 'done' with me. But I need to break the cycle we've been living and get the divorce done. She also suggests I not take her calls because I need to 'cut the leash' once and for all.
If she calls, she can leave a message. If it's 'informational' I don't need to reply. If it's a request I can IM or call back if needed.
I've learned about me that I have two major issues to overcome. First, I don't trust men and I've been disconnected from the fellowship of men because of that. I've been working really hard to trust my sponsor and he's really been good for me.
Second, I feel like I need to keep pleasing women or they won't approve of me. I picked a woman who has 'daddy issues' and kept trying to please her even when I was the one needing support. I have forgiven her affair(s) because I am a kind and loving person and can see she is sick also.
So, I am working on re-kindling the warrior in me, to break this cycle we have gone through and either we will grow together, or apart.
Regardless, I will grow beyond all this.
That was the mistake I made in DB 3 years ago. I failed to finish my growth.
STBX tells people how happy she is with her life. Often.
I tell people I'm working on being better at life. Being the warrior again. The world has been living without frank_d for too long.
