I dont see anything wrong with it really, except that it continues to hurt you. He didnt HAVE to tell his kids all about his trip.. they are his kids and maybe he wanted to tell them about it. Maybe he was excited. Maybe it was fun. Maybe there were things that happened that he thought would amuse them. Maybe, yes, he is trying to shove OW down their throats because he wants to be with her and he wants his kids to accept her. It seems that you and the kids dont (and thats not surprising) and so its this constant 'battle'.
You are probably right about some of the tings you stated about Trustings exH. However I have a H who has done just this many times over the last nearly 4 years. The first time he did it was after a long weekend in Amsterdam. He had known OW just 12wks at the time. My children had not met her and actually had probably only known about her for a couple of weeks b/c I kept it from them as long as possible (given that these timescales virtually match the length of time he had been left at the time). Anyway he came to see them just hours after returning from this bohemian trip (they stayed in youth hostels NB: this is a man who would never go camping!) but armed with a photo album of the holdiay. He came stood in my house and told them outright (they were 10, 13 and 15 at the time) I brought this to show you b/c I want you to see a picture of my new girlfriend and I want you to see how happy we are. I just need to point out that prior to going on this trip he sent them a letter to tell them that he had never loved me as much as he loved OW, that he had given them everything for 16 years and now it was his turn. He also hoped that when they were adults they found the sort of love that he now had with OW and that he was not going to give it up for anyone.
So yes you might ask Trusting to work on her forgiveness and acceptance but from what I've read of her H he sounds v. similar to mine and in the instance I have just outlined mine clearly wanted to shove OW down their throats. It hurt then and it hurts now (even if it is supressed by them). That does not make forgiveness and acceptance easy to work on.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I think it's important not to assume that things are done with an eye towards hurting us. I don't think my H thinks of me much, if at all. They are just lost in the big forest. I do not know if H will ever make it out.
Yes, it's likely that it's an attempt to get OW accepted, but that is not the same as an attempt to hurt us.
I also think that the more we adjust, the less things hurt. Many things will continue to hurt me, but not with that some power they did when H first left and I felt so very rejected and devastated.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Ex and I continue to talk via phone. He felt the need to explain to me why he and OW went on a vacation.
I stopped him in mid sentence and told him "no need to explain to me your business". He seemed very surprised with that statement.
Life goes on.
He seems so normal now.
No anger.
It is nice.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Not responding to my last email, even regarding the kids.
Very unusual for him.
I will give him lots of space.
I sense a lot of things going on.
Especially with his bimbo.
Fighting getting more intense with her according to kids.
She is not liking my communication with ex at all.
She is showing her jealousy. She asked my daughter to talk to me regarding staying away from my ex.
This is a major turn-off for ex.
He became very upset when he discovered I am taking the kids to Florida for 10 days.
He became even more upset when he found out I will be interviewing for a job.....
Other than the above, I am GAL. I do love my life. I love my home, kids and friends. It is nice not having so much H drama anymore.
My relationship with God is fabulous.
I am being pursued by a European man.
My self-esteem is slowly coming back.
My kids respect me.
I am being recognized for certain projects at work that have been very successful.
THERE IS LIFE AFTER THIS CRAP.
Last edited by TRUSTING; 06/04/0912:54 PM.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
if we had not gone through this ...I dont think one could ever wrap there mind around all the weirdness of divorce....
interesting he is upset you are talking the kids for 10 days to florida.....but a ok for him to go on all the trips with ow....
keep posting...interesting to see how long him and ow will last , my x and ow have been together since 2005 too. I have no idea how things are with them except i think still going
and good luck on your interview.