BUNS, ABS, AND HEART OF STEEL #3

[AliSuddenly]

Cagz, of course it hurts and of course I know that, gosh, absolutely. And I didnt remind Trusting of the pain, the note did. I am simply suggesting.. its human nature.. if you really let something go, to fly free.. it is more likely to return to you. The tighter you grip, the more it struggles. Didnt you read what I wrote??

I appreciate you feel protective and deeply care for Trusting.. but at the moment, this man is gone living with an OW and me and Breton have tried to express a few different ways of handling this. I still stand by that.. I think its time to respect his choice on the face of it (in a DBing sense), let him feel that, let him go in a sense, but time now to be his friend. See what affect that has on him.

[forward]

Trusting,

Yeah, well, your kids are smart enough to know what's up. I'm sorry you had to read that, though.

When your love is shaky, you need a lot of dramatic declarations.

I think mature love is a lot less dramatic.

[cagzmom]

Ali- you are right about my protective nature with Trusting. It is funny - she has been about 6 months ahead of my stitch (on the posting part) and I have admired everything she has done...

She is bright - and very reflective..she will do whats right. She often does.

I have no doubt about one thing -- if we are on here we want to heal and we want our marriages back. And I believe that all of our intentions are good....

[graceallday]

and we all know when this happens....thay have to hold on to how much they love the OW.....right I mean how could a good mean leave his family and all of his values and beliefs unless he picked the wrong women......remember it even is in the Bible with ADAM and EVE...God it was the woman you gave me

we thought there were values and vows in place.....and the foundation of what you build your life on has been demolished so we all know the fault all as to be with the LBS and how perfect the new couple are for each other...and to get a child to believe that who has had her family torn apart....but doenst understand all that it means would certainly under if Her Dad is happy and loves the OW, if the children could only understand that than all would be fine...I am just trying to express how I think the OW and XH may be thinking and how they are tyring to appeal to the children, becuase afterall if we LOVE EACH othe and are happy......then its ok...ITS ALL JUST PART OF THE DEAL..YES IT HURTS...but knowledge is power...

[tpaschal]

Trusting,

Wow. So sorry you had to go through that. It's got to be so hard on your daughter to hear all that crap. As a mom, I know you hurt for her as much or more as for yourself. Does she talk to you about how she's feeling? Does she see a counselor?

I know these guys are off in la-la land, but the fact that they seem to completely lose all sensitivity towards their kids' feelings is just unbelievable..... What kid wants to hear that kind of stuff from a dad who walked out on his family, or from the homewrecker who encouraged him to walk out? Maybe an adult son or daughter could handle hearing that type of info. from a parent, but not a child or a teenager.

I don't know if my ex has ever told my kids that he's in love with the OW, but before he moved out and for about a year after he left he told them repeatedly that he was leaving because he "didn't love mommy anymore." My oldest D said to him, "So what? How could you leave me and S8 and D4 (their ages at the time)? Don't you love US? How could you choose HER (bimbOW) over all of us?" He never had any answer for her.

No matter how hard my ex tries to justify his actions, what the kids take away from his leaving is this---They didn't mean enough to him for him to stay. They weren't worth sticking around for.

That breaks my heart. I just have to make sure my kids realize that is HIS failing, NOT theirs.


IMO, the letters to your daughter were a desperate attempt to justify, and to try to get sympathy from your daughter. How sick and messed up is that?

[cagzmom]

trusting -- thinking of you.

[cagzmom]

hmmm silence??

[TRUSTING]

Thinking of you too Cagz.

Trying to catch up on the yard work.

I forgot how grueling taking care of 3 acres is.

The winter is a piece of cake just maintaining the house, but
this yard is a killer.

The first of month of summer I am usually outside swearing my head off as to why things played out the way they did.

but.....

I am blessed I still have my home.

I am blessed my kids are healthy.

I am blessed I have my father and brothers.

[cagzmom]

[TRUSTING]

Have not posted in a couple of days.

Discovered that ex used his child support payment this month to book a cruise with him and the OW.

Called him and asked if I could expect May's payment due to that is what I use to pay the mortgage.

I usually have it by the 1st.

He stated that I would get it around the last of the month that "something came up".

I have already put my lawyer on stand by.

Very difficult to see him put OW before his children.

Apparently it is her birthday week.

Apparently they got in a physical fight last week and she called the police on him.

Apparently he is brainless.......