WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 7

[volleydog]

Just curious why didn't you just call the kids? I know its hard but you can do it. I've been in the S for a loooong time and it took me a looong time to realize it's best to give space. It's natural to feel down just don't let your W see it.

[confusedinpa]

She never called last nite but emailed me a couple of times this morning of some local news that she knew I would be interested about. I commented that I had heard last nite and was going to mention it to her if she had called. She didn't comment on that

She did wind up asking how my visit with my mom and aunt was going. I hadn't responded yet

Is Dark/Dim response just "Ok" or should I give a little more detail that would be upbeat (ie Its going good. It was nice having my mom's cooking again as its been almost 10 years)

[confusedinpa]

Just curious why didn't you just call the kids? I know its hard but you can do it. I've been in the S for a loooong time and it took me a looong time to realize it's best to give space. It's natural to feel down just don't let your W see it.

I'm not sure why I didn't call guess I didn't want it to be too disruptive in case she was trying to get them to go to bed nor did I want her to think I was checking up on her

Guess I could have called. It is so hard to decide what's the right thing to do

[volleydog]

IMO some detail with your Mom would be ok that way you would sound or should sound upbeat and happy. Just don't take all her calls and try to be the first to end them.

If you know about when your kids are going to bed and they haven't called, call them, you don't HAVE to talk to your W if you do keep it short.

[confusedinpa]

She actually wound up texting me about another tactical topic which I answered. She thanked me for the info

I hadn't answered her question about my mom and aunt's visit. What is everyones thoughts of and upbeat/positive answer and asking how she was doing or closing with hope all is well with her

I really want to call her but know I shouldn't. Its odd not hearing her voice at all today. I know she's not going to call me during the day today as she knows I'm at one of other plants so I'm pretty tied up.

My aunt and mom are leaving today so I will be home alone tonite. I will keep myself busy but will call my kids at bed time if she doesn't call

It was depressing on Mon nite when I said goodnite to my boys. My youngest asked how I was. I told him I was good and he asked if I was sad. I told him I missed him and loved him.

[MrBond]

Do you call the boys at night to tell them goodnight?

They are your first priority right now. You're letting your W control your actions again. Despite how bad things were between my W and I, I always called to wish my kids goodnight. Even if I was out and about.

It' important to show them that you haven't abandoned them. When your W answers the phone, just tell her you want to wish the boys goodnight and don't engage her. If she talks to you, then fine, keep it light and very short as if you are too busy to talk to her. Then pour on the love when the boys are on.

Sometimes when I called from a bar, I would just tell my W that I was too busy to talk to her and just wanted to talk to the kids. I would make sure she could hear everything going on in the background.

Your W abandoned you. You didn't abandon your kids. Talk to them often and frequently. Not to your W.

[confusedinpa]

Do you call the boys at night to tell them goodnight?

They are your first priority right now.

Your W abandoned you. You didn't abandon your kids. Talk to them often and frequently. Not to your W.

That's a good point. My wife had called me the first 2 nites to say good nite to the boys. I had waited last nite (the third nite) but by the time I realized she wasn't calling, it was too late to call

I'm not going to make that same mistake tonite

I suspect that they may have gotten upset after talking to me on Mon nite as my oldest sounded sad as did my youngest after he asked if I was sad.

I still don't know what's going on with her but I know I can't know/guess that. I'm going to continue to focus on me.

I have my therapy appointment today and will go to the gym afterwards. I have a lot to clean up at home so it will be ready for the boys to come home. My aunt reminded me its not the quantity of time with the boys, its the quality.

I will not be sad around them, but know it will be tough when I pick them up tomorrow.

I will get focused and be strong

[MrBond]

That's right. Stay strong.

Talk to your kids EVERY DAY. They need it even if your W doesn't.

Plus that's the way to start off going DIM. After awhile she'll start asking you what you're doing then let it go from there.

[theroadback]

Just caught up on your sitch....been taking a break from this crap for a while. So sorry to find out she actually moved out, well maybe not sorry maybe angry is better word. What drives them to be so fricken selfish.

I had a thought about the kids ... the seven year could handle a cel phone.
I know mine does. I gave my seven year old my extra cel phone when he went on a sleep over. It was in case he got scared, he could call me anytime and he did.... I could tell he felt real good about having his dad with him in his pocket....
those pre-paid phone are pretty cheap this way he can call you anytime he wants and you call him direct. As far as the 3 year old, maybe the seven year old could pass the phone to say goodnight...that way you do not have to talk to her at all.

[MrBond]

Just speaking from experience, I would talk to the kids through her. Then you can keep some kind of connection together.