I do not want to minimize your pain. It sucks. It startles...rattles your world view and you question your perceptions and everything...all normal...I get it.
But last night I saw a woman from Rwanda who hid from her neighbors when their tribe took over and was killing everyone from her own tribe. She hid in a house behind a wall, with 4 other women, for 5 months. She weighed 70lbs when she got out. Her speech was about forgiveness.
And it reminded me that even in our sorrows, right now no one is shooting at us. (when the time comes that you go overseas, remember you are a volunteer, & you are armed). No one tells us whether we can worship or where or how. We are not starving. We have food in our refrigerator (not a bag or sack of rice on the dirt floor) and there will be food there tomorrow. You are healthy, and if you were not, you'd get care from trained professionals. No one has to call the semi trained medical assistant in the village 44 miles away, to travel over the dirt road, some time to see you, and then hope you have the money to pay for the medicine you hope he has available...you live in a home that no one is going to break into in the night and say they are the government and want to see your papers, or demand money, and you know where your family is b/c no one arrested them never to be seen again...
There is a lot to be said for how good your life is when you think of it globally and especially as a woman. You can walk somewhere without a male relative chaperoning you there...No one will force you to marry a man you don't love or even know, or to stay in an abusive marriage or to give birth in a hut without medical care of pan relief....I reminded myself of this when I was sick in my last pregnancy. I was hospitalized and began to feel sorry for myself and looked out the window at the moon, and realized how many millions of pregnant women were out there in the world right then, maybe looking at the same moon at the same time... and wondering if they were going to survive giving birth, or whether their h's were safe, or coming home, or if there would be food in the shack the next day, or where she'd give birth, if she could read, or learn to, or ever have a job,
and I got the overwhelming feeling that I was incredibly lucky to be here. Made me feel compassion for the women out there too. There are some just as broken hearted as you right now. But with NO resources...they have literally lost everything when their man left their marriage... You are so strong and fortunate and you will do so well in life. You really will be fine. As for losing your faith or misplacing it... I can understand. But then, maybe you were saved a much worse loss.
Maybe He did help you...maybe you have been saved a lot of pain you don't know about...and years... I'm just wondering about this...don't want to say "cheer up and be happy now!" I am not trying to minimize your sitch. But I wanted to give you some perspective b/c there are so many women here who have given decades of their lives, sacrificing careers and moving away from their families FOR their h's, losing jobs, bearing children and raising them, and then finding themselves alone, perhaps uneducated, without job skills, no retirement and for many of them now, NO health insurance, left with NOTHING...
You will heal from this and move on...as fast as you want to...imho. I think there's a lot that is up to you here. Think of the women out there who would do anything to have the freedom you have to go into your future as you wish. In a way, you owe it to them and yourself to move forward and live well. Make sense?
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Makes sense. I can lose perspective at times. I have a lot to be thankful for in my sitch. It could be a lot worse!! I know my deployment will greatly change my focus & perspective. I am very fearful about it but am ready to go do my part over there.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
Back to work today. I had a great time skiing with my friend! I have never done so much skiing and probably only did 1/4 of the trails there. We got to ski a few of the runs they will use in the 2010 Olympics. They have the first lift that goes between 2 mountains, called peak 2 peak. It was incredible they can build something that spans so long! It breaks several world records.
Nothing much to report in my sitch. The sheriff attempted to serve me again but I wasn't home. It will probably be at least another month before I will be available to be served - unless my H does it at work. There are lots of diff't avenues H could use to serve me but he hasn't tried any other way - yet is frustrated I have not been served??? Not my problem....
I woke up early this morning and was so mad & upset at my H for all the fake drama he put me through these last few weeks. I typed out an e-mail to him, saved it, and will not send it. It was a good release and helped me deal with my emotions.
Interest thing to note - a unit from my base deployed to the place my H is at and they re-named all the roads to replicate the base I am stationed at. My H told me I would feel at home there. He states he has thought a lot about what it would have been like to have me deploy with him. I think it's kind of funny - he's trying to get away from me but things keep springing up that makes him think of me :-)! Haha.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
When are you deploying? And by the way, why not just get served? I mean if you want to have it done with, and not get served at work (which most people don't enjoy so it's considered an act of courtesy to serve one privately) why not just be available?
Also curious about the continued contacts....are you guys "just friends now"? Seems a bit premature, like by 3 years...guess I can't see what's to gain by friendship with a man who has...shall we say, "misbehaved" so badly and so repeatedly? Dang, FC, he's NOT a winner right now. Tell him to call you when his head is screwed on straight and he has a good heart...(OR don't, I'm just venting on your behalf...)
The skiing sounds great. I thought I had my fill of the snow for life but there are moments like you describe...yeah, it CAN be great and beautiful and God sent. Take care (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
(((((FitChik))))), Sounds like a few days in the mountains did a world of good for your PMA. I checked out the Whistler website and saw pix of the Peak 2 Peak gondola, and it looks insane! I'm off on Sunday to take my 2 sons to NYC for their first bite of "the big apple". Stay strong, you're in my prayers.
No excuses - I could have arranged to be served by now but it hasn't been on my priority list. I have been swamped with work getting our soldiers ready to go and can't make it home in time for them to serve me. If my H really wants me served, he can have it done at work. It's going to happen one way or another.....
The heck if I know what our R is right now. We've both gone back & forth trying to make a friendship happen but it hasn't worked. Initially he wanted to "be friends" but I told him I could not do that. How you go from a newlywed to "just friends" when it isn't mutual - I don't know! But I felt convicted that it was selfish on my end to close our R entirely, so decided to try to be a friend. H deploying made it very hard for me to just cut off communication. It is difficult to cut someone out of your life that you love when life & death is an issue everyday.
We relied on & supported each other since we were both new to the Army and did the same job - so it's been very hard. I have more of a support system now and have adjusted to not having him in my day. I know now my H is in the R or friendship only for himself and will not return back what I put into it or support me the way he used to. It took me awhile to figure that out but it is finally clear.
It's been very challenging trying to cope & adjust to all the major life changes this year (new job, new to the Army, future deployment, M, looming D). I have struggled a lot adjusting to our M ending. No one ever things as a newlywed your dream will be taken away so quickly. I'm not trying to whine or make excuses - but it's just been darn difficult.
I try to look at the positives I've gained through everything and know I'm a stronger person for it all at the end of the day.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
trust me, you are NO whiner...we all get that. I'm very impressed by how you're handling it. At least HERE...
seriously, in one sense I envy you the job you have in this sitch. Not that I am in your shoes now but when I felt soooo stressed out, in a way I think the job I had in the ARmy during the first Gulf War was great. Talk about being ON TASK and focussed...I would think THAT part of it is good.
I mean you have to do it. So you will. And time will pass and you will be that much farther from the wounds and a little bit more healed...and you'll meet men, oh so many men, who ARE GOOD...and strong and ....NORMAL...no drama, no weirdness no OW...
Hey FC, you aren't attracted to the bad boys are you? That might be something to work on. Otherwise, just give yourself some time and keep up the GAL stuff. Sounds great.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am definitely looking forward to my job this next year. There will be a lot of hardship with it but in the end I know I will be glad for it. It will be difficult, challenging, and rewarding at the same time.
Maybe this is all part of the bigger plan and I cannot see it now.... Who knows what's in store?? I will keep hope & faith things will turn out ok no matter what happens.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
Sounds like fun Song! What are y'all going to do in the "big apple"?
Had a great hike this morning! I did my first longer hike with a 30lb pack to train for Mt. Rainier next month. It was a hard hike but felt great! A hike like that will whip me into great shape in no time!
Hiking is also a good time for me to spend time away with God and pray. My mom and I both prayed this morning for me to get clear guidance and discernment about how I should proceed in my sitch. Well..... the first devotion I read this morning was titled "The Danger of Stopping Too Soon" from 2 Kings 13:14-19. It talks about the danger of having faith & courage enough to go so far but not enough to go all the way.
With all this new crap over the several week, I've felt fearful & unsure if I should continue standing for our M and have felt paralyzed. But after that devotion, God made it clear what he desires for me to do. I can fret and worry about it or I can just trust & have faith. I always wonder what He is up to at times like this :-).
Interestingly enough, we start a new series this week entitled "Heart Rehab" for the next 6 weeks. I am sure I will be spoken to a lot in this series!
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
