"Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears." - Marcus Aurelius Antonius
The old saying, "Once burned, twice shy" doesn't tell the half of it. Some of us burn victims resolve that we'll never go near another fire for the rest of our lives. Rather than risk another scorching, we turn our backs on the warmth, the light, and the merry companionship offered by a blazing campfire on a chilly night.
We are victims of love gone wrong. Unlike others who wipe away their tears and go back to the party, we weren't just disappointed, but devastated, not just wounded, but mortally wounded. Our blood, when we were pierced by rejection, ran redder than anyone else's blood; our pain was more painful. So how could we be expected to take another chance, to try again?
Yet the fear of hurt can hurt us more than anything. And if we avoid injury by sitting on the bench, we miss out on the game. If a relationship crumbled in spite of our best efforts, then that relationship wasn't meant to be. A better possibility is out there waiting for us. But we'll only have the chance of finding it if we take off our bandages and get back in the game.
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I am a lot more resilient than I think I am.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Truer words were never spoken! I know that this is a worry for us all when we've been so betrayed and abused, but we can and we do get past it.
I am a former poster who couldn't remember my login or my password so I do know a little bit about what you're feeling. I felt I too had been through the mill. I never thought that I would be able to trust again or have the energy to even try. What I do know is that life can be extremely happy and exciting once we're ready we give it another try. We can only get burned if we allow ourselves to. Hopefully we all learn from this experience!
If we allow our Lord to truly heal us, which takes time, all things are possible. We do a disservice to ourselves if we act like a turtle and hide from life. It is just part of the journey. FIB, you are a resilent man.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Seldom do I disagree with you, so you know what is coming.
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We are victims of love gone wrong. Unlike others who wipe away their tears and go back to the party, we weren't just disappointed, but devastated, not just wounded, but mortally wounded. Our blood, when we were pierced by rejection, ran redder than anyone else's blood; our pain was more painful. So how could we be expected to take another chance, to try again?
BS.
Everyone's pain is unique and exquisite but comparable or even gradable? I'm thinking I read that wrong. I hope so.
The part that is more BS is the last question...
You had better, you have a world to offer some woman and her you. After all this crap you have gone through...all...the...crap.... I will say you are a failure ONLY if you fail to take another chance.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I really like this post. It is very true, and I have definitely had the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. However, I have forced myself to make those thoughts fleeting and remember that I am in control of that destiny.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
FIB, DO NOT let this woman and your experience with her destroy your spirit. DO NOT let this taint your feelings about the possibility of a great love.
Consider it a gift that you have been given this knowledge, that you have grown, that you know what you dont want, that you realized your self worth.
You know we will all be ok. That is what you have said to me many times and I believed you.
Yes, we did not want this, we could not fathom it, we never dreamed it. But we have to CHOOSE to be ok, we have to CHOOSE to be happy, we have to CHOOSE to believe that we will one day love again.
And you will, my friend, you will. You have such an enormous heart, unsinkable strength and I hear you also look pretty good in a kilt. All pretty attractive to a good woman.
But we'll only have the chance of finding it if we take off our bandages and get back in the game.
This is so true. For 4 years I feared the dreaded being alone the rest of my life. I didn't think I would ever have a second chance of happiness. Heck, I didn't know it I wanted to date again as it was hard enough the first go round when I was younger.
I have gotten that 2nd chance and I took the bandages off and am enjoying life like I have never enjoyed before. I don't know if it is because I am older and maybe a little wiser but this time around is better.
I have to say, don't give up on dating or being with someone just because you were burned by one person. Not everyone is that dreaded MLC person that turned our worlds upside down. I say get out, GAL and enjoy.
Life is what we make of it. We choose how we want to live our lives. I choose to live mine to the fullest. I will not let my stbx be the death of me.
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"Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears." - Marcus Aurelius Antonius
Jack....I understand what your post implies. We all ARE unique here. But...I also think that the post is supportive of the word detaching. We all become fixated on the thought that there is only ONE person who will love us. That fixation can keep us trapped and immobile and also...fearful of moving on.
I find the words powerful in that it is NOT a recommendation to quit trying to save your marriage if you are in the early stages.....nor is it an approval stamp per se to start dating. It really says, like in Top Gun, you have to get back into the cockpit and fly again....with your life.
I think one of the greatest obstacles to overcome in this game...is to stop blaming onself and finding fault. Blame and self-victimization is such a destructive force and a powerful one at that...a force that can keep you stuck and unable to move forward.
breton39....totally agree.
T2SP...get out enjoy...LIFE...agree.
SoConfused..unh unh...you won't be alone unless you will it to be that way.
FIB (BM..still tagging along on your thread)
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
