WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[MrBond]

have fun.

In terms of the LRT, it's doing the opposite of what you've been doing in the past that wasn't working because you have nothing to lose.

It's pretty much doing what I talked about earlier about asking her to leave. Look, she's already talking about a realtor so she really doesn't give a damn about the house and what it means to you and the kids. So that's why you need to tell her that if it (the home) means so little to her, then she should leave. Why should you and the kids leave when you are perfectly happy there? Is she trying to dictate YOUR happiness? Is she trying to displace the kids and make them unhappy? She's the only one that doesn't want it, so she should just leave. If she says that it was pretty sudden for you to say that, tell her that you were thinking about it this whole time but didn't want her to get upset. But hey, she's going to get upset anyway regardless of what you do.

Does she really think that you're going to get along all hunky dory when she brings a new BF around? That's where the MLC person is living in lala land and thinks that everyone should fall in line with how THEY feel.

You are your own person with real feelings that she needs to respect and acknowledge. She really hasn't done so. She's been focussing all on her and her hurt.

I think your T was right in saying that she was probably upset because you seemed so much happier. If she wants to CHOOSE to stay unhappy, then so be it. If YOU CHOOSE to be happy, it doesn't affect her. That's when the MLC person needs to be confronted to see their own problems. I think you need to tell her that. You don't make her happy. Only she can. She needs to get self-motivated.

Is there any reason why you want to wait until your C session to tell her? Sounds like to me the sooner the better. I think if you give her the weekend to herself, she's going to be able to continue to harden her resolve to move on.

[MrBond]

Oh and I would just take back the DB book. It's yours after all. If she thinks you're using it as a playbook, so what? She's been questioning all your changes anyway. If she chooses to think that way, then it's up to her.

[theroadback]

How come she just does not file her own custody agreement with her attorney, (she does need your ok or even need you to agree) Her attorney would then present it to your attorney and if you did not agree to it then a court date would be set.

Has she been looking for an apartment? Really going out and looking for one?

Do you really feel she is pushing this process along as fast as she possibly can or do you sense a bit of stalling?

[theroadback]

I dont about full on LRT, man that may just seal the deal, but I dont know. I think you were/are making progess doing what you were doing.

Going out with the guys and the trip is great!!

If you go LRT...I mean it is kind of like what got you into this mess in the first place kind like emotional neglect all over again.

[spellfire]

I see some real progress, but you had done a little backsliding lately by monitoring her too much and initiating too much physically.

I don't know if it's LRT time, but I do think it is boundary time.

This would be my #1 boundary:

She is the one breaking up the family, therefore she must move out. If she wants custody of the kids, it's up to her to arrange it legally. If that's what you consider best for the kids, even more reason to fight for it.

Unless, YOU don't want to keep the kids in the family home, that's a different story.

I recommend this to all LBS people here: The WAS is the one breaking up the family, therefore they must be the one to go. Who and what gives them the right to kick the LBS out? Boundaries and consequences!

Sorry I couldn't check in sooner man, had my eyes on the financial markets lately instead of here.

[confusedinpa]

I do appreciate all the support and insight. I'm out with my buddies at a strip joint. I have NEVER even gone to one since I've been seeing my wife. She emailed/text me a couple of times while I was out. I did respond

I'm still out. I've had about 10 drinks. I really don't care. I'm looking forward to the weekend though

[LR1]

Confused,

Have fun, but don't get too crazy and don't drive after that many drinks.

[confusedinpa]

That's good looking out I know my wife doesn't care. I think that's why I don't

I do love her but I'm tied of the BS

I do know enough to not to get into any R talks with her

I did have a few good lap dances

[Dudess]

confused, It sounds like you are feeling pretty worn down. Understandable. But please don't show her that she was right to doubt that your changes would last.

Don't know how your wife feels about you going to strip clubs, but I would think it is the last place a man who wants to save his marriage should be.

[confusedinpa]

confused, It sounds like you are feeling pretty worn down. Understandable. But please don't show her that she was right to doubt that your changes would last.

Don't know how your wife feels about you going to strip clubs, but I would think it is the last place a man who wants to save his marriage should be.

Dudess

You are absolutely right. My wife would freak if she knew I was out a strip club let alone the lap dances my buddies bought me

I am very worn down. Don't know if I can slip below a white belt in DB'ing but I do feel that

It was a real gut shot this past weekend when my wife said that the mariage/relationship would work as she will not work on it

I do need to stay the course in my changes as I know it is as much for my boys as it is for me

I'm at the point where I know I'm good if my wife leaves as I know I can be happy with just my boys and I.

Survive and thrive

That has to be my mantra