THANKYOU SOOOO MUCH LISA! I could hug yuo through the screen for all yuor help today. I am clerly not able/ready whatever to just say my piece and walk away (sorry mishka!) I really thought I was, but when the chips are down.. its 10 years of my life. i can say my piece and chuck down my chips next time, or at Christmas, or in February, i dont know. But today, doesnt feel right.
So, just had a quick convo with a friend at college (wise older woman!) and she said.. if he brings it up, great, have some things prepared yuo might say, but if he doesnt, then dont go there, that would indicate he is NOT ready to talk to you about her and therefore, it wouldnt go well if yuo tried and yuo will end up feeling like yuo failed in yuor goal. So, just be cheerful, smile alot and let him sit there wondering.
How does that sound? God, I really dont know if I can do it. What the hell are we going to talk abuot??? Before her, I could asy, how was yuor eveing/weekend, without it being awkward, now it is!
oh and I didnt mean it isnt over, I mean, I dont think he would now think I was ok with it. i think he knows I am upset he has a gf. Thats why he puts "hope you're ok" on his emails.
Lisa, I will reread your post.. so you think aiming for friends is ok, even if we're not there yet??
Like I said on your thread, I really dont know if I can do it, I dont know how you have managed to be so brave. I suppose.. its just the first time we meet now that the truth is out (he is with ow) and then, if I saw him again, it wouldnt be AS hard?
ohhh.. I wish you could all come with me. We are meeting at 8.30ish.
Naej.. thanks for your help too (you can delete a second post when you go it and edit it!)
she said.. if he brings it up, great, have some things prepared yuo might say, but if he doesnt, then dont go there, that would indicate he is NOT ready to talk to you about her and therefore, it wouldnt go well if yuo tried and yuo will end up feeling like yuo failed in yuor goal. So, just be cheerful, smile alot and let him sit there wondering.
Good advice. Very DB.
Originally Posted By: Ali
God, I really dont know if I can do it.
You'll have a better chance of doing it if you BELIEVE that you can. Just tell yourself it'll be fine- old friends catching up and behave accordingly. Things to talk about will come easily- they always do with my H and the aubergine is never mentioned. Ask about the football- England are playing tomorrow, tell him about your work, ask about his, what did he have for lunch, did he hear about the pirates, what does he think of baby P. There are TONS of neutral topics so don't worry.
Originally Posted By: Ali
Lisa, I will reread your post.. so you think aiming for friends is ok, even if we're not there yet??
Gosh, I find this so intriguing. Al- do you only aim for things you already have, or do you aim for things you don't have so you can get them? If you're going to have a dream, as they say, dream big! (Not that being friends is a big dream- it's a good goal, but you get my point....)
Originally Posted By: Ali
I really dont know if I can do it
Yes, you can. See above.
Originally Posted By: Ali
I dont know how you have managed to be so brave. I suppose.. its just the first time we meet now that the truth is out (he is with ow) and then, if I saw him again, it wouldnt be AS hard?
Yes- that's exactly it. It gets easier every time, and next time will be infinitely easier than this time, and so on until you forget that it was even hard. Like walking
This is the last of my super-lengthy posts for today. If only I'd committed to NaNo, I'm sure I'd have been halfway to my word count just from stringing my posts together!
Good Luck tonight. Julia and I will toast you while we wolf down some delicious Pad Thai.
You'll be fine. Have confidence in yourself, you know that you are a lovely, fun and generally all round great person. Let that great person shine through!
Lisa - your next career move could be to set up a DBing centre in the UK. You could be a telephone coach!
Ali, I don't know what the rest of friends here advised you. I wont be online for an hour and just wanted to tell you something : Go and don't DB him. Just tell him all you need to tell to be in peace afterwards. You've been whining and complaining about the chance you never got to express yourself. Now you have it. He may not give you another chance for another 6 months. He wants to meet you but that does not change the fact he is dating and he has been away for a year.
You are still missing the point of detaching. IF there ever was a chance for you to be with him, DETACHING IS the only way. It works by actually "causing" you to be more attractive, happier and the greener grass...
Dont you dare come back with a "I wish I had told him..."!!
I hope he talks to you also but I am afraid he may not. i hope these 3 months he hasnt seen you, will give him the courage to be open with you.
I will be thinking of you M
Ohhh and being open and honest and clear and demanding answers may just be a 180 for you...
I am clerly not able/ready whatever to just say my piece and walk away (sorry mishka!)
I definitely didn't mean to walk away. Just say whatever you need to say or do whatever you need to do. You need to rely on your own instincts for this but NOT try to anticipate his every reaction to what you say. That's what I mean. Whatever you chose to do, be comfortable with it and move FORWARD. You've been stuck too long and I worry for you.
Have a wonderful time tonight!!! Make it fun!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
[quote]Originally Posted By: JCJ Lisa - your next career move could be to set up a DBing centre in the UK. You could be a telephone coach!
I'd call to listen to her talk!
I am shocked, please don't ask what she's wearing tho! Smacked legs for you my boy now go sit on the naughty step,at least until the water is cold enough to shower.
Well guys, thanks btw.. he just called.. didnt sound good, was stuttery, sounded fed up, or nervous, or tired. Said something abuot he was still at his friend J's house and they hadnt been bowling yet and he didnt know how long a game of bowls takes.. (sounds like he wants to/has to call it off) and then said, well shall I give you a ring in a bit and I was a little nervy too and was all, oh, um, ok, sure.. and then he said, he just didnt want me to be hanging around waiting.. (althoug we havent agreed where to meet yet). I said ok and did he want to meet in town? And he said, yes, is that alright? And sounded.. awful.
So, I have NO idea now. It may get cancelled. It may not go well. He may want to meet me to be honest, now he has been with her 3 months (and I contacted him 3 times SUn-Mon and she may have been there and its swkward, so time to set boundaries?) he may just want to see me to be friendly (he sounded nervous/fed up though) or maybe things arent rosey with them.
So now I have NFC. I've had conflicting advice from every single person thats offered an opinion, my mind is blank and I dont know how to handle it and he might cancel or maybe we will meet later.
