And maybe, just maybe, your H *needs* you to fight for him. To call him on his 'slips', to say with no doubt "This is what I want. You decide what you want. I'll make it without you".
I have to reply to the post about empathy or compassion toward either my H or me. Max & Sir, please don't take this in any wrong way. I know that anger doesn't help the situation, however, for those who do know me, they know that it's typically a big 180 for me to stand up and get angry like that. No, it wasn't right for me to come home after having been out, to wake up my H and yell like I did. However, I was angry for a couple of reasons. My H was supposed to have gone to my event with me. Instead, he chose to stay home....and on top of that, he chose to call OW. I blew. I had had my limit of let downs for the night. I'm trying to control any anger I have, but I am not going to keep my mouth shut any more either. I feel a change in myself. I really do. I think my H sees it too. I think he see how I haven't backed down and how I'm still doing the things that SueS wants to do.
Okay, last week was sooooo busy at work. My boss had a complete meltdown last week with me in his office. Yes, I took the brunt of it. Everything I said was either wrong or it wasn't enough. Got over that and he seemed like he was in a great mood....until this morning. He's a great guy but just has some times where he lets his temper get ahead of him.
Things at home have been good. H was quiet, but has been coming around more and more. We had a good weekend. We live really close to the Mall of America, so we did a little shopping and let D4 go on some rides. She had a great time. We ran a bunch of errands together and just relaxed. I also started some Christmas shopping. I got out by myself AGAIN and was able to just look around for some things to buy for D4 for Christmas.
Some of you may or may not remember that last summer/early fall, H and I took some pictures and a poster from a Springsteen concert in to get framed. Well, H paid for 1/2 of it and never went back to pick it up. His reasoning was that he didn't want it anymore....mainly because there was a picture of us. Well, he picked it up on Sat., and promptly hung it on our wall.
D4 and I have been searching for a costume for Halloween for her. She wants to be a Cowgirl. We found some material and I've decided to make part of it. So far, so good. She likes what I picked out and it's coming out pretty good. I worked on that most of yesterday, totally neglecting my other cleaning & laundry....oh well, it will get done!
D4 sings in church this coming Sunday. She talked to H and he said that he would pencil her in for 8:30 on Sunday morning! She's excited that he's going to go.
Last Thursday was supposed to be H's court date. His attorney called and said that the court had delayed it yet again. So, nothing new on that end.
H's dad continues to get better!! He goes back next week for an appointment to see where to go next for the issues with his heart. We'll probably head down there in a few weeks to see him.
Well, I probably rambled a lot, but work has been so busy, that I just typed whatever came to my mind without much thought of putting it all together nice and neat!
Thanks for keeping up with me!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Hey Suzy Q, You are right, it is a 180 for your to stand up and get mad at your H. Of course you know I'm the same way. I stood up to my H a couple of weeks ago, mainly out of anger. I too have seen improvements in him.
I think you got your H's attention when he had to sleep in his car. I think you are also doing the right thing by letting him know that you will no longer tolerate his disrespect for you.
Your DD is too cute. She's such a sweety. Good for you for working on her halloween costume instead of worrying about the house chores. What do you think she'll remember the most, the cowgirl costume or the clean house? They are only little once, enjoy it!
Glad to hear your FIL is doing better.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hey Suze! I'm with you 100% on the blowup. You need to set boundaries with H, and you need to make them mean something when they are crossed. I think that's a huge 180 for you, and a good one (at least, every once in a while).
I loved hearing about the Springsteen poster. You know, my W never, ever TOLD me she was coming around - she just gradually showed it with her actions. I think this is a nice step in the right direction, and I celebrate it with you.
Hope things keep going better and better. Hugs!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Hey there sues... im so proud of you for standing up for yourself.. and i know that was hard for you and a BIG change for you. I do think he will get it as long as you stick to the plan. No more messing around with your head anymore, and i think he's getting the message!!
((((sues))))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Ok - then I guess that is good that H sees that you can get angry and you did have good reason.
I am so envious that you live next to Mall of America. What I wouldn't give to spend a week there. Top 100 places to go on my list. I live in New Zealand - our malls are tiny.
Oh to do christmas shopping there - i am off to buy a lottery ticket .
