I think this is my first time posting on your thread, but I can relate to you about the ML thing. My H too is under tons of pressure right now in his last year of grad school, he's still in his own apt- but has spent more than a few nights at the house.
It is hard when they are there- but not there in the most intimite way. My H has ML a few times, but not in a month. All I can think is- don't you need any? Geez! It is soo hard waiting for them to be there. I too have sometimes tried to push the line and gotten the tired response.
Try not to take it personally- however hard that it. Remember that if they are depressed, confused, and trying, that they just may be having a really hard time getting in the mood. And we are so ready to have things back to normal that they could get jumped at any minute...
But it is wonderful that you are living together. Maybe having his apt makes him feel safe right now? Hang in there and know that you are moving forward- even if slow.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Wow to pick up and just start all over..sounds like a dream come true to me!
Seriously though it is wise like ITH mentioned above to take all of those points and options into consideration. You do not want ot end up resenting him later for not finishing up the grad program or is there somewhere closer to where he wants to go that also offers a similiar program?
ITH- i have thought about continuing by going down there 2 days per week- with one overnight...i have actually talked to a woman in my program who lives 3 hrs away and has made it work for years. i have about 2 yrs left...so thats an option. but you are right...i will do what he wants- it is necessary for him to feel like my man.
Sep- it is a dream come true that he wants to run away with me...i want that more than anything. so if it means putting my program on hold thenill do it- what I want more than anything is kids and to be married forever!
i am also a renaissance woman so i am not 100% ever into anything as my career forever- i can always start a new program somehwere closdr to where we would move.
optimist- thx for saying that- i think he just needs to feel comfy in his own skin. he is at home- barely ever goes to his apt...but it does hold some kind of security for him...
thanks guys!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
You are obviously in a different sitch than we are at the moment, but what I can say is that the one time that I actually suggested ML, H said no and it didn't happen. Some of the times it has happened he has made comments like "I bet you wish we would..." and I have said, no not really, or something of the like. Then he will initiate. The very big thing is that I don't initiate. You should have more security in your R at the moment, but my guess is even the smallest hint that you're interested looks like massive pressure. What I do is completely ignore him in bed. We're not at the cuddling stage...if he chats with me I chat back and am very friendly, but I only take his lead on everything. I act completely disinterested and this seems to work. Worth a try anyway, not sure how you've been lately, but could you try just rolling over to go to sleep when you're in bed and he's reading or something? Your lack of obvious interest might just interest him.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hey P! I am so happy for you, where you're at. I hope that you're spending time enjoying & being in love. And hey, as a fellow Nor Cal resident if you're ever in SF for any reason, look me up. I'd love to buy you a drink & toast the progress you've made.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
