I got a very sincere handwritten 4 page letter from the STBXW yesterday. She has much praise of me and what was our marriage. She talked of her own nightmare that occured within herself that destroyed our marriage over a year ago. She was scared, confused and not strong enough to fix it. Apparently she has been talking with a counselor which I wish she would have done about a year ago.
The letters and big sentimental photo album of us which I created and gave her back back when I was in my begging and pleading mode means a lot to her and she still looks at them often.
I now have evidence in my situation that the DB principles can work, but that by the time the WAS comes to their senses or finds the grass is not greener, too much damage is done. My friends and family despise her. I have no feelings of love for her anymore. The divorce process has been agonizing and takes away the desire to risk a reconciliation.
I get the feeling she is going to be tormented in her mind for a long time for what she did to our beautiful family. She still will have to hear from the kids more and more of my new life. I have told the kids that it is probably best to not tell their mom too much as it will only cause her pain. I do feel sorry for her.
Oh.. Kerry, This sucks. It really does. There isn't even the joy of being "right" anymore. It's a pitty, for your kids, for the pain you went through and even more for her. Why cant these people wake up when there is still enough time... It really is like a fog lifting for them, suddenly things fall into place. Too bad it is very late. I am thinking of you K
"The divorce process has been agonizing and takes away the desire to risk a reconciliation."
Kerry, This is an understatement in my own experience! She has not pleaded for a reconciliation however in all the time that's gone by. The remorse she shows is not convincing since she still lives with OM and is trying to milk you for alimony, etc.
That is so, well, I don't have a word for it. Sad, almost. She is giving you what you would have wanted not so many months ago, but so much has happened, it is seemingly insurmountable....I too think that in many cases the WAS will come to his/her senses and realize that there is a major mistake being made, but by then the LBS has been wounded and is trying to heal and may not be willing to risk the pain again.
Thoughts are with you. You knew all along you were doing the right thing, I think, and your W knows this now, too.
It's good to read of your goings on. The caring you both show for your son is impressive and will no doubt turn the situation around as you use all options available. So many times kids are the canaries in the coal mine because of their sensitivity.
To play devil's advocate, does having G40 in your life lessen the need for your marriage to survive. Granted, women who leave, the fact your spouse is living with someone else all are grim prospects for reconciliation. I'm getting to the point where I see that he was the best husband he could be as I was the best wife within the context of our flaws and strengths.
G40 sounds like a very sound, stable and caring person.. beautiful.
but that by the time the WAS comes to their senses or finds the grass is not greener, too much damage is done. My friends and family despise her. I have no feelings of love for her anymore. The divorce process has been agonizing and takes away the desire to risk a reconciliation.
I get the feeling she is going to be tormented in her mind for a long time for what she did to our beautiful family. She still will have to hear from the kids more and more of my new life. I have told the kids that it is probably best to not tell their mom too much as it will only cause her pain. I do feel sorry for her.
It's too bad for her Kerry. She will now live with the pain of what she has done. I do wonder what her sudden "light bulb" moment will do for her wants as far as the D process goes.
Thanx to everyone for the comments. I dont know what to expect from STBXW over the next few months, but I will be Semper Paratus (always ready) for anything unexpected.
G40, her D4, my kids and myself had a great time pretty much hanging and playing at my house yesterday. Her D4 is full of a lot of energy and my kids enjoyed playing with her. My son blurted out "how embarrasing!" when we went out to eat last night when her D4 was running around the restaraunt after recharging on ice cream. From a few things I heard, I can tell that her D4 really desires to have a fatherly figure.
I too think that is very, very sad that she's waking up right now. Where was this earlier when it could have helped? So very sad.
I'm not sure when or if my XW will have her moment. It may never come, yet if it does, I don't know how it will impact me. I've moved forward and I think she sees this now - I'll explain on my thread in a bit.
SPM told me his sister still has regrets over her divorce and now feels she should have done more instead of filing for divorce. So, maybe they all will one day wake up and see what they've done.
We have grown and changed for the better and we can only hope in time our exes will do their part and discover how to become better from these experiences. I do want my XW to be as healthy as possible for my D and I know you want the same for your kids.
Checking in Kerry. Glad you enjoyed your weekend. I think that 90% of WAS' probably feel remorse and regret at some point. A number of those admit it to their spouses and apologize. A number of those realize it but think it is too late, and say nothing, suffer in silence and live with their decision. The rest I think also realize it but acknowledging it would be too painful or difficult so they push it away by rationalizing their actions. They can't even admit the truth to themselves....
So I guess in broad terms it is good your STBX realizes now the error of her ways. But it sounds as though it is too late for you, you are going forward in life.
Pretty weird BBJ - You and I posted to each others threads at the same time!
The STBXW has not asked to come back now in her letter. She says she thought about it a lot, but if she really wanted to, you would think she would try to convince me that she wanted to.
