Well, fellas, here it is. Sometimes a girl just feels a little randy, and does not wish to put up with all the hassle a R entails. I'm starting to see why some people have EA's/PA's. It's never quite black or white, just many shades of gray. Kerry, your trip south sounds like it should be a good time for you. Have fun. Watch out for Ducks. Peace.
Last edited by goldeylox; 10/10/0810:33 AM.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Well, fellas, here it is. Sometimes a girl just feels a little randy, and does not wish to put up with all the hassle a R entails. I'm starting to see why some people have EA's/PA's. It's never quite black or white, just many shades of gray. Kerry, your trip south sounds like it should be a good time for you. Have fun. Watch out for Ducks. Peace.
I'm learning this fast too. Seems as many women out there that are after a bit of 'hows ya father' as there are men. I think people just like to tar us men as shallow sometimes but some of the women that have come onto me have been so blatantly after one thing. That's cool, but they need place as not sure my mum would like me bringing back all sorts !!! lol
We all need a little bit of loving sometimes and I think after a certain age that a few months without starts to really get to you
I am experiencing a little Twilight zone episode. W just stopped by my work and gave me a new pair of pants that she bought for me.
I called her up after she drove off and asked why she is giving me gifts when we are getting a divorce. She said she wants me to look nice for all the ladies I am now seeing. I told her it makes me feel uncomfortable to have her give me things and she said it is just in her nature to buy me things. She now assumes that she wont have me to help her with her computer problems. I told her that she needs to become less dependent upon me because we are going to be divorced very soon.
Also, S8 was having emotional problems today concentrating at his day care house where he normally does advanced math. W thinks it is because he saw part of a funny scary movie (Killer Clowns from Outer Space) that D6 and I watched last weekend. I think it is because some kids at school were making fun of his mixed race appearance and that they think he looks like a girl he likes a lot in his class that is chinese. I told S8 to ask them to stop making fun of him and to try and understand how they would feel if they went to asia and all the kids there made fun of them because of the way they looked. I am going to send his teacher an email to see if she has noticed anything out of the ordinary.
Also, I think he is disturbed about the divorce and he wants to do some of the chemistry lab and rock crystal sets that I got for him, but he is staying with his mom for the 5 day stretch. He is a sensitive boy and I worry about him a lot. I will make some time by myself with him when they stay with me next Mon/Tue so as to have a good father and son talk. And I will take them to the beach the following weekend to have some fun.
FWIW, I'll give my $.02. Your W is just assuaging her guilt. She's saying, "I know I've been a sh*t, but I don't know what I need and am sorry I hurt you & kids in the process of trying to find myself." Expect more.
I'm glad to see how you act towards the boy. You and I have never discussed this, but my father did not do this when my parents were D'ing and I carried misconceptions well into my 30s.
I'm surprised that mixed asian heritage is an issue in Oregon. Maybe I'm too used to the Bay Area?
BTW, I saw your posts that included some stuff on imaging. I know this isn't what you deal with, but did you see the cool new tech in the new photoshop?
Lodo - That content aware scaling is really awesome! I was amazed at how the volkswagon was squished without any distortion of the wheels. I only showed W how to use Microsoft Digital Imaging Pro for her photo editing. Photoshop would be a bit overwhelming for her.
Mixed asian heritage is not an issue here - I think it is just that kids find things different with each other and sometimes tease about the differences. There also may be some jealousy toward my son because he is quite a ways ahead academically.
I found out from G40 that all of the mixed race asians in Vietnam were so shunned that three years ago they were all sponsored away or kicked out. They came over in droves to the USA and surronding countries. Speaks volumes about diversity in a communist country. It is completely opposite in nearby Thailand where mixed race asians are successful in the pop culture.
Talked to W again and S8 is upbeat now. She also told me that there was no hidden agenda behind getting me the pants. She says when she shops for the kids she always thinks of me and she so wants to remain friends with me. One of these days I am going to ask her if she has ever heard of the term "Batchitt Crazy".
Mike, I tried to tell her I did not want them but she insisted that I take them as it makes her "feel good to help me out". I had told her I had to take a pair of pants earlier this week to the tailor to replace the zipper and that I only had 2 pair of long pants that I regularly wear. She must have felt sorry for me.
If she wants to help me out, she should drop her greedy demands for me to pay her spousal support when it is apparent she does not need it. She has been living with OM for 9 months and I have not paid her any money which is proof in itself that she is surviving ok without spousal support.
What she needs, deserves, or can get -- all very different when D'ing. It sounds like your W is out to see what she "can get" out of you.
My impression is the pants comment was to tell you she knows you are interacting with other women now, and to see what kind of information and reaction you would have in response.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I talked with W on the phone this morning. Lodo is correct in his analysis. She thinks that I am going to slowly forget all about my kids as I get a new family in my life. I think she is going off of what happened with OM and his kids. That scumbag and I are completely different fathers. I also detect some regret and jealousy even though I am not telling her any details of OW. She seems to be hurting badly (mentally and physically) and she admits that she was a bad wife and mother as she is now starting to see the consequences of her actions. As I told her a long time ago, she was making a sh!t sandwich that she was going to have to eat someday.
G40, her cute D4 and I had a good time traveling to visit with her brother's family yesterday. His 4 kids (D11, S8, S5 and S3) are all homeschooled and are great kids that are given responsibilites in the family. I was impressed and a little jealous of seeing such a strong and loving family. That was what I wanted with my marriage, but I had little control.
As for introducing kids to someone new - there seems to be 2 schools of thoughts. Wait until you are sure before letting them know about someone new in your life or tell the truth so as to no lose their trust. After reading the dating for dads book, I tend to believe that letting my kids know that I am dating is best. I dont feel comfortable keeping it a secret that I am having a second life when I am not with them. G40 and I have discussed this and she wants to make sure that we do it right and not hurt my kids.
The attraction between G40 and myself is huge. A funny thing we laughed at recently is that the chinese astrology even has us matched as perfect for each other. We are keeping our hands off each other for now because I am still married, but I sense that wont last long once I am legally divorced. I really like the way we are taking it very slow right now. She is a really good woman and I like her a lot. She understands that it takes work to make a good marriage and keep the love alive. She has seen it with her parents who have been married for close to 50 years and I have seen it in my own parents and brother's successful second marriages.
At least W and I are both very concerned about S8 right now. She is going to talk today with a psychologist that has her daughter in the Chinese class. I would like to try and see if we can work as parents first to try and figure out what is troubling our son. He is going through a rough patch in his life now, but I am confident that we can help him get through it and be a happy go lucky little boy.
I am glad things are going well with G40....good for you my friend. I guess your W senses something is up and like I have read here regularly is trying to get a little closer to you. Hope your son returns to his happy go lucky attitude soon.
