Q&A with the WAS

[christarn]

Very scared, I am truly sorry you are hurting...please read the post i left on Seasglasses thread. Jen_Jam's top 10...it's a good one!

Also, until papers are signed...there is always TIME!!

TIME truly is on your side!!

I know it hurts, and i am sorry for the pain you are feeling....but it does get better, time is on your side.

Please read jen_jam's top ten on Seaglasses thread...it helped me get thru some of my really bad days!

take care of you!

(((((HUGS VS54))))))
christarn

[MrBond]

Hey VS,

Hang in there. I am in the same boat as you and had a panic attack just last night. These will come and go. Go for a run, scream at the top of your lungs. You need to do something to get that nervous energy out. You can do it.

[MrBond]

Okay I got a question for the WAW's

A big issue for everyone here seems to be 'physical touch'. When a WAW seems to have made up her mind about leaving, a switch seems to go on that makes any physical touch from their significant other seem like touching a hot stove.

My wife is like that. She had never been really the physically affectionate type, but now it's like if I just try hugging her goodbye (very platonically), she ducks her head down and can't even look at me. It's like hugging a lump of clay.

For her, she had a very strong EA that ended but she's still very frigid to my touch even though we get along great otherwise.

Do I just let her be the one to intiate something or do I lightly initiate 'caring' touches like patting her arm?

[Very Scared 54]

Hi Christarn,

Thanks for your kind words and your hugs. I went to seaglass’s, thread and read Jen_Jam's top 10. Thanks for referring them to me. It will help me to remember these things.

I seem to be the only one around me that thinks that we can be saved, including my W. I feel like I stand alone on this matter. Thank God that I have the people here to vent and talk to when no one else seems to care. …….. That is not necessarily true …. They care! …… They just want me to be better. To be my happy self again. They don’t understand that I can’t be happy at this moment in time with crises hanging over my head, in my heart, or in my mind.

I know that I want to be with someone and I want that someone to be my WAW.

I have been telling myself over and over again Time, Time, Time, Time, is my ally and patience is strongest weapon right now.

I guess I just needed to cry out a little bit earlier, because I felt so alone.

Thank you

[kabuki]

Hi Christarn
My wife walked away on me. I have a question for you, when you left did you believe that everything in your life would be perfect? and your H would just be like, OK now my life is better now too? I know these questions sound cruel but I am asking about WAW in general. I just would like to know what goes on in peoples heads.

[christarn]

D~

Yes, I believed everything would be perfect...I didn't care what H thought, or about his life. however, it didn't really work out that way. Once I was on my own REALITY set in quickly, no one to help with ANYTHING!! WAKE UP CALL!!! No one to lay in bed with at night, no one to talk to when I was lonely, no one to eat dinner with, no one to call on my way home from work...etc.

You're not cruel, you are curious! Keep in mind, when I walked, I was severely depressed, and had lost both my parents (within a 3-5 time frame) since leaving I have been diagnosed with a form of mild manic-depression, which I think played a huge role in my walking out. I will NEVER make excuses for what I did, it was wrong, and totally went against everything I vowed to my H. I just would do anything now, to work it out....I just need him to "see" now that I am back to the "old me" things can be different. ok, sorry..back to your ?'s!! When I walked, all I could think about is a stress free life, nobody to help me make decisions, no body to tell me how i should spend my pay checks, nobody to tell me anything...and he had spent an evening with his Ex-GF, which put the icing on the cake...so I WA. The day he found out, I felt extremely guilty, cried most of the day, I called him, told him what I had done....he already knew; the neighbors called and told him. We tried MC, I received the phone bill, he was talking to Ex-GF while we were in MC...then I went off the deep end and filed for D...that was a very huge mistake....hind sight is always 20/20! I would change a lot of the things I did if I could go back, unfortunately, I can only learn from my mistakes, and keep praying that my M will work out.

Hope this helped
christarn

[christarn]

VeryScared....you are never alone! We are all here, listening, and watching, and praying with you

I have index cards posted on my mirror

one states...PMA
second one states...Let go and Let God
third one..PATIENCE
4th...one minute, one hour, one day at a time

I keep reminding myself this is a journey, and it's a lesson of time and patience.

I do not know your views on spirituality, if you are christian, a few good webistes are: rejoiceministries.com and joelosteen.com

rejoiceministries....sends out daily scripture about "standing" for your marriage

joel osteen is an inspirational christian minister, if you sign up for his website (free of charge) you can watch his sermons on streaming video....they are uplifting and simply awesome...I watch them when I am having bad days.

take care of yourself....you can do this!!
(((VS)))
christarn

[Very Scared 54]

Christarn

You show a great deal of understand, wisdom, and compassion for a person of you age. Keep the faith and I shall as well. I know that I am never alone, while I am here.

Thank You.

[christarn]

Thanks VS! you are sweet I guess it's the nurse in me!!

take care of you!!<------PRIORITY #1!!!!!

hugs,
Christa

[Bridgestone]

For her, she had a very strong EA that ended but she's still very frigid to my touch even though we get along great otherwise.

Do I just let her be the one to intiate something or do I lightly initiate 'caring' touches like patting her arm?

I know for me... I need to be emotionally connected to want physical touch. I don' t think that is uncommon for most women.

For me it has to do with trust... If I can't trust you with my emotions, why would I trust you with my body??

The better understood I am, the closer I feel to H, the more likely it is I am to initiate or allow physical contact.

I think for men it is the reverse... the more physical contact they have the closer they feel to their W. and the more likely they are to listen & understand them.