(((millicent))) This is just going to take some time to work itself out. Your D may sense that there is something up with your H and that is why she wants to spend more time with him at the moment. I bet once she figures out the situation, she may not be so eager to spend so much time with him.
Try to breathe and not let this consume your every thought. This is just going to take some time but you know you will work through this.
Thank you so much, Up, for responding. I just re-read your last two posts.
It's not that I don't want to tell H how I feel - it is just why would I do that? It is more than apparent that he doesn't care about anyone else except himself. I could bang my head against a brick wall and get the same reaction.
My daughter's request today just completely threw me. But you may be right - she may sense something. We have been getting along very well for a while now. She is happy in school, etc. I just don't know what prompted it. And you know how I am about my kids.....
I am breathing but still being consumed by the thoughts of it. I know, that with time, this will pass.
But....I don't think that I can handle the 50/50 thing.
M I am sorry for your pain..the road does get quite bumpy.. and sometimes the pain is still overwhelming all of us here can validate how hard your situation is and many of us travel down a similar road with our H The OW..she obviously is also into her self as your H is great match I suppose I dont really know the right thing here as I have often wondered how I might handle OW if she suddenly pops in our picture maybe just slow down and take care of you you have been doing great and you are obviously a wonderful mom maybe give yourself some hopeful affirmations and I love what you said to your girls they can talk to you life is crazy and our MLCer H have made it painfully aware to our children that nothing is forever not even daddy so our kids have us and a partial dad but b/c they have us and dad is still in the picture they are still ok your girls will be ok..just another bump they will understand later I tell my kids 13 and 7 Daddy is sick now we pray he will get stronger and better He still loves them very much sometimes adults make bad choices Its not their fault mommy is ok..that is more important for them to see Mommy made it through Mommy is here for you R and M may not be forever maybe that is a better message than the cinderella message I got peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Oh, Peace. Your posts have always meant so much to me. You have such a way with words.....
I wish I was like the scarecrow on the Wizard of Oz - with no brain. Then I couldn't think as much as I have been. Her at my daughter's school functions, her at my daughter's graduation....geez, I have even covered her wedding......
I just don't know what would happen if I lose my kids more. The every other weekend is so hard for me. I have just always wanted to be a mom. "Momming" them has been a dream come true for me.
Do you really tell them that Daddy is sick now? I just don't know what to say to them when they return after the weekend. Obviously Daddy doesn't think he is sick, but I also really worry about the lessons that he is teaching my daughters. I want them to know right from wrong. He is just making such bad decisions.
What Cinderella message did you get?
Some friends of mine - a husband and wife - came to "kidnap" me tonight to force me to go out. She has been so mad at H and this latest news hasn't helped. Her H has been good (great) friends with H for years and has maintained this friendship even after our separation. It has caused some challenges in their marriage, much to my sadness. We were talking about someone at school and he looked me square in the eye and said that he wasn't a good judge of character. I just smiled and he repeated what he said and asked if I understood. I told him yes.
I have told his wife very little, because he was friends with H and I didn't want to put them in the middle (even though she is one of my closest friends). But I did tell her about this latest situation - her girls are friends with mine and I wanted her to be prepared in case her girls came to her.
Well, I know that he told the kids about his new relationship. My older daughter's reaction was that she felt sad and wierd. I don't know the other one's reaction. Apparently my D texted a friend who told their mother who told me. She didn't mention it to me in any of her texts this weekend.
I am waiting for them to come home. I am just hoping that I say the right things and don't mess this up. Thankfully, I am feeling strong today and not as weepy as the last two days.
One thing about this rollercoaster - I have learned how to survive the dips a whole lot faster!
Hi m- Let us know how your D's took the news. I am glad to hear you are bouncing back faster. I does get easier in time...but prepare yourself for the occasional set backs. I also suggest that you have a child custody agreement worked with all the details (think long term) worked out in just in case things get ugly. Also, keep copies of all emails or other correspondence that might come in handy later on. I only say this because I have had a rough weekend dealing with my XH over kid issues.
M One person yes causing so much pain that part seems so unfair Yes I tell my kids Dad is sick..some kind of identity crisis My 13 year old can already see daddy is no longer an authority figure and she thinks if he sets a boundry with money or buying he is better.. unfortunate but this is what they think a dad is someone to take you to the store or movies my 7 son knows if its not the scheduled day for dad to come and he needs something from dad, he cant get it it gets to me so I have to focus on whats right about the mess maybe you too- thats helps like I thank him for the money thank him for fixing stuff im grateful no OW( keep that to myself) grateful my kids are healthy and smart I believe our kids will be ok cinderella message was like the prince came along and we lived happily ever after my mom was big on that so I tell my D marriage may not be forever we as women have to know how to take care of ourselves she sees it the saddest part is seeing the WAS deteriorate-on top of hurting their family, kids friends alienating everyone like with all their health financial problems, they still think they made a great choice hang in M you will be ok peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My D's took the news as I expected. Younger D was okay - glad that OW isn't a stranger and she likes OW. (Take knife out of heart here). Honestly, I'm am okay with the fact that she is at peace with it - she doesn't need this turmoil.
Older one thinks it is wrong to do that to friends.....at least she didn't get her moral compass from her father. She thinks it is "wierd" and knows that they will be spending more time at OW's house. She is bored there and made the comment that she would be going to more sleepovers.
H didn't tell D's that he told me so they thought they had to protect me and not tell me. Both were surprised that I knew.
This has created a brand new awkwardness to our "relationship". I don't want to see him, speak to him, etc. All conversations are right to the point and then good bye. Unfortunately, I am back to giving him and OW mind space - but I suppose that this is normal given the circumstances. I have been focusing on eliminating this, but as with everything, it takes time. I'm not numb anymore - I'm getting pretty good at a quick recovery.
Up - I will be focusing on custody. I have a feeling that he will want things to change - his girls, her girls - a little Brady Bunch situation. Over my dead body.....he had no interest in them before......
Peace - all that H does is pay the money. I fix everything, schedule everything, drive everywhere, take care of everything. When he left, he left. He now tries to ease his guilt with his wallet. The girls can have what they want, when they want. It disgusts me. They want his presence, not his presents. Can you tell I don't like him today...
All is better here. I survived another bomb. Just wish I didn't have to.....
M sorry for your pain.. It probably wont last anyway his little fantasy soon the fun fades ..all R turn to reality and if your MLcer is like mine, he is a mess and any OW to get this mess is in for a time of it glad your girls are ok.. It is so difficult when our H are seperated for so long that it would appear as if no one is hurt by all this probably good that you are detaching as you are just take care of you and find your balance agin peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi millicent- peace is right...find your balance and the pain will fade. It may always be a sore spot, but for as long as your H and ex-friend's relationship lasts, you will learn to deal with it...it sucks but you know you are strong enough to get past this too.
I think your younger D will eventually see how wrong your H and ex-friend are...right now she just sees how everything effects her. It should feel good to know that your older D's moral compass is intact and in full working order. Wasn't it your older D that was just wanting to spend more time with her dad? Looks like your H's news probably put an end to that.
Where are you in the D process? I recommend to everyone out there, think long term with your child custody arrangements. Even if you agree with everything now, you may not a few years down the road...especially if another person comes into the picture trying to put their 2 cents into the equation. I know my XH's W wears the pants in their family and what she says goes. Rather than just being a benevolent person in my children's lives, she trys to be a third parent...actually, at times, you would think she was my children's other parent.
I am so glad you are able to bounce back quickly...just be try to be prepared to take a sucker punch every now and then.
