Q&A with the WAS

[christarn]

Prof still hasn't posted grades It's making me nervous!!! I knew the answers to most of the questions. It was ten essay questions...WOW!!!

It's been two weeks, who's counting!!! LOL, since contact with H...do you guys have any suggestions? Stay dark? Try a text? I am really not wanting call him until his anger settles more...I'm just scared it will escalate into a fight, which I do not want. When I tried going dark before, it worked, he text me at about 3 week mark, the first time, second time around, I lasted 4 weeks, and text him...and well, now we are here!!!

Any suggestions?

thanks guys!
christa

[HFGW]

Christa - stay dark. At a minimum it requires you to move on with your life and to feel better about yourself. Only if you have something to communciation to him, nothing about the R, should you attempt to contact him. Otherwise stay strong. I guarantee he is thinking about you, which means he will at some point contact you.

Stay strong.

[nothavingfun]

((((((((christa))))))))))

If you can stay dark do it. Let go if you have the strength. Move forward and forget the past. It is too painful.

I swear I just want to jump in a hole and cove myself. I have had contact wth my ex. Good contact but deep down, I know she is not coming back. It only makes the feelings and effort I have had feel like a big giant kick in the head.

I would love to say...I don't want you. I don't need you. But everytime I have contact, within a day or two, I feel like I am back at square 1.

I don't know what works. I don't know that anything works. I hope you find your strength.

[EnergyAZ]

Hello everyone

I am an LBS and thrilled to see this thread offering insight into the WAS mindset from WAS themselves. I had the same questions that I saw answered earlier in this thread (thank you!)


I did something foolish not too long ago; I asked her if it was possible we could have NSA sex life..cause, well...ya know. A man needs to eat & we men get a lot of emotional needs met through sex and I have been feeling so down and miserable lately I am just craving the scent of a woman. (we still live together for the time being)

She tells me thats impossible for her, she has zero interest, that I should seek NSA outside the marriage and that I 'have her permission'. That I was an attractive man and shouldnt be too hard to find a willing partner. It really hurt me to hear her be so causal about suggesting I get some strange. :-(


So my Q for WAS is:

Did you ever tell or encourage your LBS to go ahead and hit up the NSA action?

Did you do it as a bluff?

Or did you do it as a test?

What do you think it means?

Does she really not care???

[HFGW]

Hello Energy - I am a LBS with a WAW. I am not surprised she said what she said. You are probably just affirming many negative feeling she has about you. I also would like to hear from the WAWs on this forum. My sense is that your request is unnecessary pressure.

If you want her back, start DBing.

[bearsfan45]

This is a fascinating thread.. I finally decided to read the WAS forum mainly because I didn't think there was anything else to learn after reading DR. Anyway, , a couple of the posters here may recognize me from my posts in Newcomers. I've been in a bad place recently and almost gave up. I haven't talked to my wife since June yet I woke up the other day and it just clicked that I want to keep trying. I talk to her daughter on and off and asked her to approach her mom about us meeting. Well, I received an email from my wife today and man, was she PIS*ED!! I mean really angry. "I don't have time for your garbage" That was the nice part of her letter. She is a WAW, last November, no papers yet mainly I think because I told her that she was going to do the footwork on the D and pay the $500 court fee for a no-contest divorce. Anyway, I'm not a physical abuser although we have had NASTY verbal fights in the past, I don't stalk her or anything like that. I actually was dark from June until now. So my question guys, is WHY is she so angry? She was calm as hell when she did the WAW in November. Cool as ice actually. But now...Wow!! She is having plenty of money problems. We don't have any kids together and I do not owe her any money. Can you guys shed some light on the anger issue and why she was so nasty with the email? I am confused to say the least.

[bearsfan45]

Ok, I have more info today and boy, I don't know what to do here. I'm about a week away from being able to afford to call a DB coach as money is a bit tight for me right now. Anyway, W emailed me today regarding her anger. The reasons: She cannot afford to pay for a divorce. Again, I said I would sign, but not pay the 500 dollars nor go to get the papers. She's pretty angry about that. Also, I guess she is in deep financial trouble: She says that her and her daughter are fighting to keep the house. It's her house, she owned it before I met her. I split the bills with her while living there. Well, she was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in January so along with the medical expenses and her using the equity in the house to finance 2 cosmetic surgeries and without my income she is in trouble. She works full time, but she dug a huge hole by borrowing against the house. She is also mad because she feels I still owe money for some credit card purchases a couple of years ago. I'm being honest when I say that I paid every cent of my part of it. She believes otherwise. Since I am here, I would not try to make things worse by welching on any money that I owe. Admittedly, I was short on my part of the bills by a few months during a bad stretch at work. But I basically paid extra the following months. She has conveniently forgotten that and there is no telling her different. Sooooo...What in the hell do I do? There's a 50/50 chance she loses the house especially during these times. I could really use any and all input here. I mean, DBing is one part trying to be a friend, but it also says not to be a pushover either. I am clueless people. How should I handle this?

[bearsfan45]

Have to add this in...More of a vent than anything else. That email from her today was tough. Another choice comment was "This marriage is a sickness" That kind of stunned me at first this morning and I shrugged it off for the most part and went to work. Now...the shock wave from that has come rolling in. That was quite an uppercut by her. Glad it wasn't a physical fight: I would have had a broken jaw from that one. I knew that the 'wave' was going to hit: When I get stressed, I usually start getting drowsy and thats what happened throughout the day until by the time I got home(staying at a friend's til next week) I pretty much had driven home in a fog. I'm glad that someone didn't cut me off today(a regular occurence here) because I probably would not have reacted in time- thats how OUT of it I was and still am. Ouch.

[Very Scared 54]

I have a question, but I have to tell you my sitch, at least the last week of it.

We have been separated for just over 3 months. We live on the gulf coast and here Come IKE. It was heading our way. I called W and asked if she could come down and help board up the house. After some m and hawing she came down to help. While was down allegedly helping board up the house she helps for about 2 hours and goes off to get her hair done. 2 hours later she come home and telling me that she would like to get her nails done. So she leave and an hour later she calls and wants to have lunch and to meet at a local restaurant. I meet her there and tell me to set next to her at the table. I usually set across from her. We have a nice friendly talk and she leaves to go back the her apt. We kissed on the lips and she gave me we call a to tight hug for about 45 sec. and make a satisfying moan. I am thinking my DBing is working my second baby steps.

After she left I got to thinking, she did not come down here to see me or work on the house she came down here to get her hair cut and nails and toes done. The storm hits Saturday morning early and I am fine at the house and she is setting in her apt. with no water, and no electricity. I offer her the opportunity to come back home so she could work remotely and she decline the offer. She goes with lights and water for 4 days.

The more I thought about her doing her nails and hair the madder I got. I could not stand it ….I broke the DBing rules and called her told her what I thought about it. She told me that she did come to see me, she came down to work on the house. Then she tells me that she get more pleasure out her job than our R. She will never come back. I should just get use to it. She said she does want to date; she does want anything to do to with me. We talked for an hour and half.

I had invited her to a formal affair fundraiser the week earlier before the big blow up of mine. She emails me today hinting around if she could go to the fundraiser tonight. After she told me 6 days ago she didn’t want to date or have anything to do with me. I asked her if she would like to go and she said yes.

I am really CONFUSED! If she doesn’t want to date me and she doesn’t want to be around me, why is she hinting around to go and accept the invitation? What is going on here?

Am I crazy and am I reading this wrong….Does she not what she wants?

[cotoffgard]

Very Scared 54: I'm no expert, but wouldn't you file all that she did last week under the category "don't believe anything that she says and only half of what she does"?

For the very generous WAW/S's here willing to answer LBS's, I think what you're doing on this thread is awesome! For LBS'ers like myself, it's almost like having a sparring partner! I might plunk down a few questions and scenarios to see how it would play out in WAS' minds some time soon.

Keep up the great work!