Homeward Bound!

[pisces9]

Hi Daisy- well yes ive always known they were toxic. but they have ways of being so charming that id "forget" and convince my H to do things like move into a house w my bro....so we both at fault but since they are my family and i know them deeper- i take full responsibility.

also- i went through a phase of depression where i acted just like them- screaming at my h, yelling, angry, etc. we separated for one month ( 1st sep) and i really did change. i mean a 180. i dont think i ever lost it again and that was 3 yrs ago.

my H has basically said for this past year that he has no urge to see my family anymore...i think he feels smothered and that he cant help me bc they are so overwhelming.

so i guess what i see is that ive known they were toxic for a long time, and i dragged my h into this which caused damage, but thank goodness he is back now and wants to star a new life with me. i didnt really know how to get out bc they are very wealthy and i allowed the money to woo me.

he has made it crystal clear that we need major break from my family. so that is a scary part for me as i think i have always used them as sort of an "out" or safety net (weird!).

also- he said he got misty eyed last night when i said im putting all my eggs in his basket again. i think he really needed me to be ok with leaving my family. and make him my #1 priority. no more drama from them into our M.

so all i am showing him is that i trust him 100% to be my MAN.

im sorry you find yourself with this situation. all you can do is state how you feel. if you are sep and want your H back. make sure that part changes as well or he at lest acknowledges it is an issue.

if he doesnt- it will be the same game. and you really need to see if you need that garbage in your life. now is the time to really clean up yur life.

[daisy282]

Thanks Pisces

Family drama is so hard to deal with.

I have a lot of choices to make and a lot to think about but thank you for your candor.

[iamlost]

Pisces, your strength and will power to change is phenomenal and inspiring.

I hope to live up to your example at some point.

[pisces9]

thanks lost!

so lets see......

met w a new IC friday and he is cognitive behavioral- works on changing your thoughts about ideas you have...ie: my family. that was great and i regained my strength to talk w my bro,.

I went to work friday after- my bro is in town...he and i talked...my bro yelled a lot to start - a lot. my mom even did a first- she said you are intimidating....Pisces would be happy to live in a single wide w her H. she doesnt care.

so then we got to the bottom of it all. just my bro and i .
i said i may leave company and want to be with H and start fresh. house is too close.

just need to start over. he said he agreed house was too close. and i felt a relief that he now knows i am leaving the company. that may not be for 6 months for a total separation from the biz- but he was totally ok with it. i was so scared he would freak out at that...but he was actually most calm about that. weird.

so now that my bro knows it all he feels better. he said why wont we take his $. so we talked about why. he said he would set up an acct for us. he doest care. he said you are my only family...i just listened.

overall i feel happy about clearing the air w my bro and realizing he and i have a sep R from my preants. its all so lumped together...

so our house goes on the market today! i made it all pretty over the weekend...realtor came and had photos taken. its ready to go. it may take time to sell- then we'd rent for a while til we figure out what we want to do.

crazy. my bro is so up and down. too much stress for me to have his control with $. i just want to have nice R with him.....

sorry to sound like im ungrateful...i just want a new life.

[JenInVen]

Hey P! I don't think you're ungrateful at all! I'm so happy that you finally could talk to your bro. It must take a load off of you. I think you're doing the right thing in not accepting his money. Money for some is a way of controlling others and I'd be worried that your bro might try. Maybe when you guys have kids then he can set up an education fund for them??

[istherehope]

Pisces,

You are so strong! All I can think of when I see any of your posts is, you made it! I am sure that the family stuff is very hard to deal with, but you have so many other positives :). You went from an H who asked for a divorce, to a new and better relationship. It sounds as though, hell that this has all been, you have gotten so many positives out of it that you wouldn't have had without this experience.

So, when do you and your H officially move back in together?

ITH

[JCJ]

(((Pisces)))

I'm so pleased that you sorted stuff out with your brother, I think you will be happier for it. Well done for keeping calm and sticking to your guns. That took a lot of strength IMO, I find it hard to stand up to my family!

[pisces9]

Hi Guys- thanks for your sweet words!
The for sale sign went up in our yard just now! im so excited..its like a fresh start already! its also a little sad bc i am really seeing how much i need space from my fam and this is the first step....its emotional but for he most part i feel relief. now we will see if it sells!

ITH- you are so cute...i think my H will be home soon...he did pay his rent on his apt but its only month to month so i would say this week or next week he will put in his notice to move from there! i am not saying anything bc i know it will happen soon! yay!

JCJ- lets see- im 31 and i am finally detaching from my fam..so i dont know what this process will be like and its scary..but its needed..all fam drama is nutso and hard to break our patterns.

Jen- i agree- i already said he can pay for private school for our future non existent kids- he said gee thanks...like that wasnt good enough..but he is so attached t him paying for our life..its so weird. that will be interesting later when he tries to giev us money..i will just have to say no thank you a billion times!


so there it is for now. my H is visiting his parents...so i miss him but he texted me last night to say hi and goodnight...im sure he is relaxing and also figuring his stuff out with him and his fam...no drama there really ...im just catching up with my girlfriends and resting!

smooches! P

[JWS]

hi P

I am glad that standing up to your bro is going well for you. And congrats about the house going on the market. You said that it will take several months for hi
to be able to transfer jobs do you have a plan for if the house sells before that time?
You sound like everything is continuing to go great and that makes me so happy for you. Keep up the great work.
When you get settled into your new place I know a great sand guy if you are interested.

[iamlost]

Hey Pisces, I'm so blown away with all the progress you've made, DBing both your husband and now your family! We've gotta get you over to Israel and Palestine, pronto, to help set up a new peace accord.