I think that although out of line your Bros response it totally normal and out of love (over protective love). He has seen the hurt you have been through and wants whats best from you. now that does not mean that he knows whats best or really has a clue what you have been through, but its still out of love. just DB him, and give him his own space to find acceptance. if any on my little sisters where treated as my W treats me thats one dude who would have a few black eyes if not a 1000lb bomb dropped on his car, but that would be my own irrational side like your brothers
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
hmmmm- i agree it is out of love and i even said im sure you are worried for me...but he cant accept it.
he wants to know where we are moving and why. he said he is not doing anything with the house until i tell him. now i feel like he is trapping me. i said we werent sure and it isnt his choice anyway.
you are right- i have to DB my bro. im trying really hard bc he has a way of getting even the pope to react! thats why i didnt want to get the family issues in there- but he dragged it out of me.
thanks JWS!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
so my bro agreed- begrudgingly- that we can go off title and he will keep the house and we will just take the $ we put in.
that is the GREAT news~! but he still wants to buy a house with us and for us which is so generous- BUT- if you see what he is capapable of saying above- that is why that cant happen.
soo overall I am happy this went my way. there is nothing he can say or do that will change this.
now we just have to figure out where to move!
i must say it is a little weird and sort of emotional bc it is a big break from my family. BUT it is what is needed. it is too toxic.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
im sure this will all work out. i told my h only that my bro agreed to give us back what we put into the house- nothing more about how crappy my bro was to me. and he replied and said we still have a lot to work out but thats good news. then he told me he was going to dinner w his frind and his new fiance after we had planned dinner. oh well.
im just a little anxiety ridden after this experience w my bro today. he is so upsetting- but im allowing it to upset me.
im going to swim w my H now.
bye bye.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I'm sorry that you've been having problems with your B. Do you come from an Italian family by any chance? Some of them down here can be pretty intense and I was seeing some similarities.
Quote:
then he told me he was going to dinner w his frind and his new fiance after we had planned dinner. oh well.
I don't understand what you mean. Sorry
Hang in there! You're dong so well!
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
so h ended up inviting me to dinner with them. it was nice....first time with people since we are back "together"... so it went well and my H was actually very relaxed.
im pretty emotional right now. my bro is so mean and then he feels guilty and is nice..then mean. i want him to be my bro and just fun all the time...but he isnt and so i have to see that. it is kinda painful to realize this.
ugh. i just want out of this sitch.
im overwhelmed....then my mom said it will be sad to see me leave the company...she is sweet then unpredictable too.
seriously- im not being a victim. they are very hard to deal with.
it is so enmeshed that i really cant stay. i am sick to my stomach right now. i havent felt this horrible for a long time.
my h and i want to move a couple hours away but we cant do that until his transfer list opens in april...so we are a little stuck until then...but he is coming up with ideas...we may rent for a while...then buy. or buy and he would commute and stay down here for a few days during his work week then commute back up there.
phew...i actually feel better just writing this out.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
now my bro wants to put on the market today! yeesh. i just said give me a little time to get the house ready. he is totally freaking out over this...i can see why. he is losing control.
i can also see how destructive this has been in our marriage. the undertone is that my bro and dad are in charge. so i take full responsibility for putting me and my H in this sitch.
never should have happened...but maybe this needed t happen in order to grow up.
who knows....see- there are more issues then just our M's.!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
It sounds like control is exactly right. What u & ur H r doing is so smart, unentangling urselves. Generosity can sometimes just be a mask for control. Someday u and me should have a beer & compare notes on ur family & my H's--they sound soooo similar.
Hang in there & keep using ur DB techniques on 'em!
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
thanks Lost. ugh...family sh*t is so insane sometimes- but only if i let it be that way.
i booked an appt with a new IC for tomorrow...this sitch with my bro is in need of some anxiety reducing measures!
sounds like you have similar sitch w your H's fam...my poor h has dealt with this long enough and he has been pretty patient. i dont know how many people would have stuck around for this long with this mess. have you talked to your H about this at all?
anyway...i feel better now...im just going to take whatever comes at me with PMA and grace. no more yelling. i am sick from the small amount of yelling (raising my voice) back at my bro..i have been so in control and peaceful over the past few months- my body truly cant take that stress.
so ill just let my H tell me where he wants to move and how to do it and we will do it that way! yipee!~
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I have not posted to you before but have been reading along. I have a question for you about this family drama. My husbands family is a super toxic bunch but he does not see it that way and it has been a major area of conflict between us. Was there ever a time when you let it get between you and your husband? Or have you always been aware of their "ways"? My husband will defend his psycho family and make me out to be the bully in some cases and it drives me insane! I am just wondering if you had an awakening, so to speak, to their toxic behavior or if you always saw it but did not know what to do about it before now.
Kinda random but I'm hoping it can offer some insight into my sitch.
