More madness this afternoon. She wanted to go down her parents so she called our son to see if he wanted to go. He did.
She shows up and is honking the horn. I said we are not dogs. She said you are. I said I do not appreciate you saying that.
Then she says you look ridiculous with your ring on. I said no I don't. I believe in marriage.
Get son in car, and kiss him. Then I kiss daughter. I'm trying to talk to wife to figure out what is going on tomorrow. Parties etc. I said well she needs to go to Church. Then my wife says. Yeah well you should have listened when you were in Church. I said I did. You are the one that left the marriage. A sacrament. Then she drives away and says you were abusive.
I said, sorry you are the one that is abusive and you continue to be abusive.
I wasn't sure she heard me. So I texted it.
Then I text. Did you listen in Church. Be subordinate to one another. Love one another as Christ loved the Church. DID YOU DO THAT?
Look in the mirror! You are abusive.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I'm not hurting anymore. I'm just angry. I'm tired of being angry too.
I'm tired of her coming here throwing daggers. She laughs at everything she says. She thinks she is so funny and cool.
Why am I here? Why am I writing everything on this board? Why do I let everyone argue with me? What is so fascinating?
L/P I am sorry about what happened today. I am praying for you and your wife.. I know how frustrating it is when they won't respond to us as we think they should... because we love them so much we can't imagine life without them or how they could of stopped loving us...I realize that I was not a good wife...
Took for granted the love my husband had for me.....but I did not deserve the infidelity that has occured in our marriage.... But I have learned the hard way... we can not make them fall in love with us again... I have tried to make things happen to make him want his family again and each time I have made a mess of it.
I have begged,pleaded,cried,thoughts of suicide,anything to make him hurt as I have but right now they just DO NOT CARE... You need to let her go... no more screaming at each other in front of the children...can you imagine how they must feel.
Even though they know what is happening, it is breaking their hearts because they love both of you. I know it is hard... you want her to hurt as you hurt.. Be the better parent when this happens and just stop yelling and who knows what else is said and done...
I know you admitted to the marriage breaking up because of drinking and slapping, hitting her and this is going to take time on her part to forgive and forget.. I know you know this in your heart but they must travel this journey alone...I have heard it said in here time and time again to LET GO AND LET GOD...And this is so true.
You know... before my husband's MLC began and he decided he was not in love with me any longer I never did the things I do now and I know by your posts that this is a touchy subject with you but I need to say these things to you, not only to help you with your struggles, but it also helps me... Because back a few months ago I could or would not be where I am today.I pray on my knees, I read the word of God first thing in the morning, that is my time with him.I read and ask him to open my heart and eyes so that I may learn from him, what it is I need to learn.This has become a daily routine for me, He comes first before anything else. And that is what he wants from us. a closer walk with him
But I am telling you the truth, when I handed this over to God totally and completely.. I changed, something in my heart changed I no longer was the wife that was driving my husband as he said "CRAZY" I do have bad days when I will cry uncontrollably Nothing anyone says makes me feel better.I have thoughts that it will NEVER change....but you know what, as soon as I get on my knees and cry out to GOD he gives me this inner peace.
I hope I dont offend you but I am just speaking from my heart. I know you are hurting today because of what happened.but it is going to take time and the harder you try to reason with her, about what she is doing, the damage she is causing... she needs to see a change in you...we must be more Christ like, she will notice the change believe me..
Even though my husband and I no longer live together I know in my heart it will all work out in the end...but in order to be able to bear the pain in our hearts you need to hand it over to God.
When this started for me in Oct. of 07 my christian friends would say to me.. give it over to God.. but I was determined to do it myself I did not want to wait on him I wanted it fixed right now, but it got me nowhere just more heartache.
Please for your own sanity please turn it over to Christ he will change you if you let him and she will see that new you..there will be a peace about you she will wonder where this is coming from...but you will know in your heart that it is Christ living in you and you depending on him for EVERYTHING...
GOD BE WITH YOU and please ... I really care how you are feeling and how much you hurt..I dont know who you are but I felt I needed to respond to you listen to my words O.K. Be Blessed In Jesus Name. I will keep you in my prayers everyday, as I do for all of us in here.
Really I'm not hurting. I'm just angry. I get more angry when she comes here and says something totally out of line. She just looks for anything to critize. It doesn't matter what it is.
Then she laughs. She probally thinks. Look at what I did to him now.
I don't yell at her. Today I did raise my voice asking her to calm down and stop the madness.
Best thing you can do IS turn it over to him.and please for the sake of the children no more hurting by being mean to each other.She is doing the will of Satan, so of course she will laugh at you. but don't let him win...Be a christ like father for them.And pray for her that the Holy Spirit will come upon her and ask that the spirits of disobeidience,anger,lies leave her.
This has to be done but also ask that he speak to her everyday.Lay her at the foot of the cross everyday and your children and yourself. because WE also must be obedient and put him first... Try it and really mean it from your heart and you will see a peace in your heart and like I said she will notice it also.
Leave her alone for now and do not be angry because it makes our hearts hard and we dont want that...Our children needs us more than they have ever needed us before, be there for them, dont bad mouth their Mom...just tell them you will be there for them..and you are praying for your family..
I wont post to you anymore if you dont want me to...just think about the things I have said.
Ask God to change YOU first. Keep praying,stop doing and saying things in from of the kids show them that their Daddy does want to make it all better for their family.. be there for them...They will also see a change when God starts changing you...
I wont post to you anymore if you dont want me to...
Why do you say this?
Yes I believe she is doing the will of Satan. I do repeatedly ask the holy Spirit to soften her heart, remove the lies, and anger.
You see, this is all provoking. That is what she does. She provokes, and provokes until I snapped. Then she said I was abusive.
She was the one that was abusive. Always has been.
I'm not being mean to her either. I'm just keep repeatedly tell her the things she says isn't true.
I love this water bottle story. I couldn't do a simple thing by bringing her a bottle of water.
I got the water. I just didn't deliver it. Her store sells bottled water.
She just will look for anything to be a total you know what about something.
Now it comes down to petty things like bottled water.
Why? Because she doesn't have anything relevant.
I feel like having a 18 wheeler truck full of pallets of water and deliver it on her lawn.
I was abusive... But she still is. Did you read as far back to the peanut butter jar incident. I asked her not to take the peanut butter. That is what I was living on, because I could not eat.
Well I said that I would not respond any longer because I dont want to make you angry... she does enough of that...I just to give you encouragement without you feeling like I am telling you what to do.
And no I have not read the peanut butter story, but I will... right now I am going to my Mom's ....when she starts being mean just ignore her and show her that you are trying to change...
I dont know how old you I am sure you are not as old as I am are but you can count on me with any spiritual help you need and much needed prayer..
I will talk to you later.. have a blesssed evening.. ok
Dont give up take care of your kids as best as you can... ask God to help you with that...they are needing someone in this mess to be strong for them and love them... what must they be thinking when and I can just imagine what she says about you...that is why they need you right now...
Talk to you later... I live in north Texas how bout you?
It's been awhile. Guess I'm breaking my promise again by writing to you. I've continued to peek in, but I let your responses to my posts in the past keep me away.
I'm not certain still that anything I have to say will work for you. There does seem to be a certain amount of "that won't work for me" that takes place here. But I ask you this question:
What is different in the relationship dynamic between the two of you compared to the last time I posted to you?
It's been months Phil. What has improved in things between the two of you?
It's not working. Whatever your strategy is, it is not working. She is an angry and unfocused woman. The relationship between the two of you appears to have always been incendiary, and it remains so.
Many have tried to offer you advice to help YOU, as well as your family situation. There are times when you seem to hear and take to heart, and others where you revert back to the Phil who does not listen and does not believe there is a way other than the one he has always known.
There is so much hostility between the two of you.
And the children are pawns, used by both of you. Under the guise of "spending as much time as possible with my kids" the two of you have allowed them to become a material possession that is passed back and forth. They are gathering scars that will stay with them for a long time potentially.
Phil, are you ready to stop the madness?
At least the part of it that YOU can control?
You are a man of some faith, you know God's word, but you choose to weild it like a club on your wife. Therefore she rejects it. She sees the Phil who was angry and mean, who responded poorly to her ridiculous behavior, and she allows that behavior and it's conflict with your religious words to create the justification that your faith is nothing to be desired or listened to.
There are moments when you have allowed her to see the loving side of Christ, but far too many when she has seen only the condemnation side. Like most other human beings, she turns away from the condemnation.
You refuse to go silent on this woman, even though she rejects practically every word out of your mouth.
You refuse to establish a schedule whereby you actually play the role of parent and get your children on a schedule that they can count on. You let THEM set the schedule and call it good, loving parenting, though everyone on this board tells you otherwise.
It's long past time to stop this madness.
Are you ready to stand up and take the role of Christ in your marriage? Because make no mistake, THAT is the role that you are called to.
Christ did not come with fire and brimstone. He accepted the tax collector, though he was despised in the community. He showed compassion to the adultress, while the community sought to stone her. Finally he extended his arms and gave his life for a people who rejected him in favor of a common criminal.
Yes, Christ stood up to those who needed standing up to. But Christ's role on earth was largely one of salvation and compassion. His was a role of taking the pain and punishment that others deserved to bring the hope of eternity to others.
This is the role you are called to play in your marriage.
Your wife is off the charts unreasonable. She is openly hostile and incredibly petty in her words and actions.
It's your job to SHOW her the right way.
Notice I did not say TELL her the right way.
SHOW her.
And you are not to even so much as point out to her what you are doing.
You do it because it is the right thing to do. You do it because maybe one day it will sink in to her troubled mind that Phil is showing her the loving way to do things, rather than the condemning or self-righteous way.
End contact with this woman except for emergency situations.
Establish immediately a child care schedule that MUST be adhered to (knowing that initially you will be the ONLY one adhering to it).
Accept her continued taunts and acts of hostility with a closed mouth. Move on after each one doing what PHIL is called to do - living a proper holy life of loving compassion.
BECOME the model, instead of trying to tell her about it.
Christ did not come delivering his message with pithy sayings only. He did acts of work that SHOWED his compassion and caring. He did NOT draw attention to himself. He did NOT beat lost and broken people over the head with their faults.
You have a job to do. You have rejected the HARD work of that job so far, preferring instead to allow your words to attempt to do the work.
How has that worked out for you?
Time for a change Phil.
The sooner the better.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I have to ask you what you are tying to achieve? If you are looking to end up in a bitter divorce while destroying your kids, you are doing an excellent job. If you are looking to to reconcile with your W, you are blowing it badly.
You keep telling her that she won't stop the madness but I see at least as much madness coming from you. Do you not see that she is reacting to you? You must MUST get yourself under control. If you can't, go get some help becuase you are way out of control.
Stop calling her. Stop texting her. Stop blaming her. Healing your marriage must start with you, not with her.
Here is something that use to work for me. Every time I use to be over run with emotion and have the urge to tell my W about all the things that she was doing wrong, I would write an email to her but I would NEVER send it. I also have a 25 page word document that I would use for the same purpose. Writing it down would give me the time I needed to calm down and regain my composure. It also allowed me to get it off my chest without actually telling her.
You must deal with you before you can ever deal with her.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Even after all this bull crap tonight. She goes and does something totally different. She dropped the kids off at her parents at 6:30 stayed for a half hour and then left.
She is no where to be found. She told me she would have the kids call me if they were staying over night at her parents. I said I wanted the kids in Mass with me tomorrow. Then there is also a family party on my side. I said I would like to take them. She said there was one on her side. But she wouldn't confirm anything with me. Now she is out in lala land.
I have received no phone call. So I called down there at 10. I talk to daughter and son. Son seems very sad and he just wants to be with mommy. I told him I would call her and find out what is going on.
I call her. I get a voice mail, I don't leave one. She text me. What?
I call again. No answer. So I leave a voice mail.
She text again. What?
I call again. I goes straight to voice mail.
She is out screwing around galavanting and she doesn't want me to know what she is doing. I don't care what she does. I said it to her nicely on the voice mail. I said stop hurting the kids. I don't care what you are doing. Who you are with? You can blow up. Just stop hurting the kids. You didn't call me to tell me if they were staying over. I have a right to know where my kids are staying. Nothing is confirmed for tomorrow.
She doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to adhere to anything. She balantly does whatever she wants.
Now her idea was not to involve lawyers in this. Not to be in domestics. She was going to be my friend through all this. She said she has forgiven me for the past. She stopped saying I love you. She stopped all afection. She has gotten worse.
My head is clear. I'm not depressed anymore. I haven't cried in days.
I don't care what she does. I will love her unconditionaly. I'm not hurting anymore. I have been pumping up myself with vitamin C and omega 3's.
You know I called back the kids, and asked if there Mother called them yet. They said no. Son sounded as if he was in a better state of mind. I said I can't get a hold of mommy. Do you want me to come get you. He said no. I'm thinking that MIL brainwashed him and manipulated him.
I told the kids to put on their grandfather.
I talk with dad. I said dad she is in one of her moods again. She isn't talking to me either. She was suppose to have the kids call me if they were staying over you house. I have a right to know where my kids are. Now she went out and is acting goofy, because she doesn't want to be a mother. I said Dad, I asked you for a favor the other day. I asked you to have the kids call me at 10 when they are staying over your place. He says, (daughters name) Did you know you are suppose call your Dad when you stay over. She said no.
I said Dad, she knows, but she is a kid. They are not going to call. I said I asked you for the favor. If they are with you have them call me at 10. This is on you, because I don't feel comfortable calling your house late spinning my wheels wondering were my kids are.
I want my kids to go to mass with me, and there is a party on my side that I was going to take them too. But I'm not sure I want to drive the hour and half. He said he will drop the kids off to me at 11.
I said She is a tornado, and I know you don't wnat to hear it. I don't care what she does, but she needs to stop hurting the kids. I don't want to call your house, because Dad I don't want to talk to you.
I'm not getting help anywhere...
A schedule. We have been over that. I guess partly I don't want the responsibility of having them a week at a time or whatever. Getting them to school. Picking them up from school. Etc. The burden is on her. I see that as a lose for her. She works a messed up schedule the problem is on her. I have become the babysiter while she is at work. I also want to see those kids everyday. I almost do.
She is the one making a daily schedule difficult. Then to top things off she doesn't talk things through with me.
I'm sure she had tonight all planned out. She knew what she was going to do. She was going to drop the kids off at her mothers. Act like nothing is going on, and go party or something. She doesn't want me to know what she is doing, because she knows what she is doing is wrong. Dead wrong.
I can go and file full custody. You are going to read about a county in PA that gets destroyed by her.
I can put my foot down and tell her to not to come in the house. Change the locks. And your are going to hear it on the news that some woman destroyed a county in PA.
I can refi the house, but I don't think she will sign. So I will just waste 300 on an appraisel. Then we are still married and if we do divorce. She want more from me. She will still want the house.
I never should have given her that money.
She doesn't want off the car insurance. Because I don't pay child support. I have them kids allot. Maybe she should be giving me child support. Maybe she should be giving her parents child support. I'm not even sure if she gives her mother any money to watch the kids. Her mother and father are enabling her.
I'm ready to do the divorce paperwork. Will she? She has been avoiding it.
I don't want to married to this jezebel any longer...
I keep thinking there is a great deal of peace in this household with her being gone. When she does show up. The peace goes away.
None of this, or any of this matters, because the woman is coo coo for coco puffs. I have to decide not to put milk on it anymore.
I'm shutting off these cell phones. She hides behind them. She misuses them. She text now rather than talk.
What if I wasn't here one day when she needed to go to work. She would burn down a county in PA. I don't need to put my kids through any more heartache.
That is why I keep telling everyone that things will not work.
I'm jumping around here. I put the favor on her Father to have the kids call me. He plays dumb. I lost all respect for him.
Don't contact her. Really I don't. Yes, when she initiates I linger too long. Only contact her in emergencies. Everything to her is an emergency.
The bottled water incident. Petty. Throws it in my face. I couldn't do one little thing for her. How can the woman expect favors when she treats me like crap?
I'm done... I just need to find a way to implement the divorce in a calm way. I don't think divorce is the answer, because it will still be about schedules. The kids. Etc...
I don't want to be like my Dad and only see my kids every other weekend.
I try to hold on to the end of the rope. I have tied a knot.
I get slammed on this board. I don't know why I think I'm benefitting from it. Maybe I am. Maybe I am changing. You folks have a funny way of doing it.
I think I have helped others on this board tremendously.
Puppy btw, you can post to me again.
Bworl... Thanks for following. I do heed your words. I heed everyones words.
This is a tough sitch, and I'm trying to make it end as quickly as possible and that just isn't possible. I tend to make things worse. Fail, fail, and fail, until I suceed. That has always been my motto...
I went to a yard sale today. I was talking to the guy and I said I was looking for a ship wheel. He said he had 20 inch one. He brought it out. It gorgous mahogoney, very well made. With a brass inlet to hook it up. He said 10 bucks. I almost fell over. I just saw one for 60 on ebay. I scratched my head. The lady said she wanted to make a clock out of it. I scratched my head again. I got my wallet out. I counted my money. Only eight dollars. I said I got eight. She said deal.
Then we chatted for a little while. I said I don't want to be coy. But I feel like I just ripped you guys off. They laughed.
I also bought a book there 2 for 5 bucks. The book I bought sells on ebay for 60 or 70 dollars. I really ripped them off. Hey what they don't know will not hurt them.
As the pirates say... Savvy be LostPhil. Lost at sea... not feeling that anymore.
God speed... ding ding, Slow this ship matey. Let me gets me bearing...
I already know I'm blowing it. Your type of writing isn't helpful either. You are crazy for even posting what you posted to me.
I think you need to read IRMAC post. She didn't want to post to me because she didn't want to make me angry. Your post made me angry. Hers did not.
I don't need to be angry. I don't need to fight with you. I don't need to tell you what is going on. You have about 600 posts to read if you even want to attempt to get into this mess.
I don't text her until she text me. When she says something out of line and leaves all angry. I give her the business. Last night that was just a CRASH! I do leave her alone. I don't stalk her or call her.
When she puts the kids in the middle, that is when I start getting crazy.
Maybe I just need to give up...
I give up...
Put this in your email, and decide not to send it.
Quote:
I have to ask you what you are tying to achieve? If you are looking to end up in a bitter divorce while destroying your kids, you are doing an excellent job. If you are looking to to reconcile with your W, you are blowing it badly.
And this you can file under G too..
Quote:
Stop blaming her...
What did I blame her of? Leaving the marriage, because she is crazy?????
Really some of you people really need to read and comprehend before posting.
The rest of you post imageer was good advice.
IRMAC... The kids are 6 and 8. I'll be 36 wife is 31.
Now here is another dilema. Our anniv... is this month...
