Ok so I save alternative 3 for a weekend and proceed with keeping my schedule to myself? Last week I cancelled one of my classes and took my books to visit a friend. When I came back he thought I had had class. I guess I was scared that if he found out I didn't have class he would have chastised me for not telling him. But that's making an assumption and I don't KNOW he would have.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
What do you think men find attractive and seductive?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Dan we don't have a set schedule and to be honest neither of us would function well with one. Due to the type of work we do we never know our schedule from one day to the next and quite often we go day to day with the responsibilities. It works for us. In the beginning I told him I thought that we should have one day for ourselves a weekend; for example Fridays would be my day and Saturdays would be his day but that didn't sit well with him at the time because he thought I was controlling him. I let it go. To be honest though all I have to do is ask him to come get D and I can go do what I like. Since she's living with me then he doesn't need to do that but neither has he offered to watch her so I could do smoething for myself. That doesn't bother me though since like i said all I have to do is ask.
The D papers say that he'll take D every second weekend but since he doesn't have his own place yet we haven't put that to practice. It also says that he can see D whenever he wants and I'm ok with that because he's her Dad and he loves her so much.
Through all of this we've managed to be very civil and friendly (with some F ups along the way).
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
This is just me, but I think this is a little different than your typical class, I assume it is one of your classes that you teach (i.e. one of the ones that you and your H are in the same business on).
I suspect the two of you do a lot of coordinating with taking care of D?
I agree with everyone about keeping your personal business to yourself...he doesn't need to know this, but when it comes to your business dealings I think you should keep it on the up and level.....I don't think losing his trust in this regards would help your sitch or make you seem less controlling.
Think about how you would feel in the opposite situation......Your H asks you to take care of your D because he had to teach a class that night to accomodate a student. Perhaps you even looked forward to doing something else, but knew you needed to do it for the company. Now your, H's student cancels at the last minute. Your H could come back early and take care of D, but he decides to go out instead and do whatever.....how would you feel?
How would have that panned out in this current example...he had a class tonight? Just my thoughts
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Hi TD, yes you assumed right it is a class I teach and yes we coordinate how to take care of D especially now that she's out of school.
While it's true that he really doesn't need an explanation of what I'm doing when D and work is involved it does to an extent. I think the best solution was/is to tell him my class is/was cancelled and leave it at that. (He has told me in the past when a class was cancelled). Then he can ask me what we should do. Then if I want to do something else I could tell him or if he wanted to do something else he could tell me. That way no one gets the sh!tty end of the stick and nobody feels a lack of trust or gets controlled.
How does that sound? Maybe a little less scheming and a little more honest?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Be honest with him, but make plans for yourself. Start implementing the tools you have. You say if you want to do something he will come stay with D? Then start asking him a little more often. Start doing things for you. Things you enjoy and make you feel good. Even if it is sitting in the park on a sunny day with a book. Take the focus off your H and put it on you and solely on you for now.
