Chris I totally agree with you on the ML thing. For my H to know I want him seems to be breaking the ice just a bit. Now if I can just keep my crazy paranoid thoughts to myself and stop talking about the R maybe I'll make some headway.
You have a wonderful time camping. Enjoy your time with your family and don't put too much pressure on yourself. I am totally jealous of you...my H refuses to do anything as a family because "he doesn't want to give D false hope".
Keep up the good work girlfriend...I'm rooting for you!
Hi Chris..how do you feel today? if you feel like you're getting a cold drink lots of fluids and rest as much as you can so you're well for the camping trip!
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Chris I totally agree with you on the ML thing. For my H to know I want him seems to be breaking the ice just a bit. Now if I can just keep my crazy paranoid thoughts to myself and stop talking about the R maybe I'll make some headway.
This is how I feel too. Time and patience will tell.
Hang in there and remember every ride of the coaster has an end.
Last edited by JenInVen; 08/20/0807:16 PM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
So, I'm having anxiety over this weekend. I want it to be so good. Went shopping today to get all the food etc, and had an appt. with my C. I missed the last few weeks due to getting my job and having to change my schedule with him etc. So needless to say a LOT had happened since I saw him last about a month ago. I LOVE that he is such a DB fan. Makes my sessions with him feel really good.
Anyway, we chatted a lot about stuff. How H's actions don't match his words. How he feels (and I do to) that it doesn't really matter what his motivations are for asking me to do things right now (pity, just for the girls, trying etc...) what matters is spending that time together and making the most of it. He also said something so simple that I truly hadn't thought of. I'd like to avoid any heavy talks this weekend and just have fun, but sometime I do think I'll ask my H this question.
"How will you know when you love me again. What will you need to feel or experience to know if you love me again"
Like us all here, C comes from the perspective that Love is an action, not just a feeling. HE said it's important when I ask this to just LISTEN. No talking. He said there will probably be lots of silence as he'll be uncomfortable, but it's ok.
Sounds so simple, but truly, I would like to know. What exactly is he needing to feel to recommit? Is it the love he felt (the giddy ,new, exciting love) in the beginning. What is it? C mentioned that often for men, the feeling of love is actually the feeling of respect.
I'll be interested to see how he responds to that. Think I'll give it a bit before asking though.
H was out last night to visit the girls, and we got out the pop up to check it all out and see what we already had in it etc... The girls are so excited, and until last night D6 didn't realize I was going too. I thought she'd explode with excitement.
I'm so excited. I just hope it goes well.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
I guess you are camping right now, I wonder what will the answer be to your question. It is a tricky one to ask him though, for we all know that if/when WAS come back is when they have decided to love again, not because a "feeling" of love came to land on their heads.
hope you all are having a good time, I was happy for you when I read the thread title, praying for you ))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
So, I'm back from camping, and it was WONDERFUL! Not wonderful in a "he professed his love and is moving home kind of way" (I wish) but wonderful in that we got along great, the girls had a GREAT time, and at the end I thanked him for inviting me, and he said he had a great time too.
Then I was an idiot, and had some R talk. STUPID. But he handled it ok ,and I don't think I did too much damage.
We used to camp so much before the girls. IT was one of "our" things. And it felt great to be up there again. We sat around the fire last night. I had wine (got amorous), we flirted ,and he invited me over to sit on his lap. Well, you know the routine. So there we were in our pop up trailer, the girls sleeping on the other side, and us, um well.......... yeah. So then he laid there and we fell asleep. Well, the great thing is, the trailer bed is SO small, he couldn't get away from me like he can in a king! LOL So he snuggled up, and even had his arm around me all night. Well until D2 woke up crying that she was cold. So H, moved over the other other side bed ,and snuggled with her. But ,wow, everytime I moved or shifted he would call out "are you ok? are you cold?" He kept checking on me which was so nice.
HE also knows I LOVE fishing. Love it, love it. And well, fishing uninterupted with the girls doesn't happen often. He totally told me to fish alone a couple of times. I even joked once.. "Oh, fine, you are just trying to get rid of me" to which he said........."No, I just know you like that".
He really went out of his way to make me feel wanted, and it felt great. Every time we are together it feels like home. God, I know we are SO far from being out of the woods, and he is SO far from feeling totally committed again, but GOD, I just want it NOW so bad.
So then we get home, and about 15 minutes after we get home, the hail starts. Then I hear that my county has a tornado warning, so I step outside to look, and yep, straight away we have a big tornado forming. It was far enough away to where I felt safe to call H and the girls outside. So we all stood outside and watched for awhile. Then another one formed, and this one was much closer, so we all headed in to the basement for awhile. EVerything was fine, and I got some great photos! LOL So anyway, I got a little Extra H time, because he wasn't leaving until everything passed. So he ended up being here until 8ish, which was not the original plan.
OK, so I know this is mega boring ,I'm just sort of on a high still. God, I want my family back. I want him home. I want to feel safe in my marriage again. And yet still, the response from him is "I don't know what is going to happen, but I am trying".
That alone is a HUGE leap from the first 3 months so I'm trying to hang on to that. But GOD, I'm so scared if it doesn't happen what it's going to do to me. The first time I was so blindsided I didn't have time to worry about it. This time, I feel like if he just says "nope I'm done" again, it's going to be even more devestating if that's even possible.
Yes, I'm stronger by DBing. Yes, I know I CAN live without him. But I don't want to. I love him so much.
Whew. OK, I'm off to bed. He'll be out bright and early in the morning to watch our D2 while I work (he has Monday's off), so I'll see him in 9 short hours again!
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Hi guys. Well it's been another interesting week. So Thursday I got up the nerve to ask H if he'd like to come over for dinner and a movie. I texted it to him, and he never replied. He was coming out that night to see the girls ,and was not planning on visiting Friday. So he got out after work Thursday night and I asked if he had gotten my text. He said yeah, and that work had just been super busy that afternoon etc, and he hadn't gotten the chance to text back. So I said "so, do you have a response?" and he said."Yeah, sure,........we can do that".
HUGE! This is the FIRST time he accepted to do something with JUST me, on a day he hadn't already planned to be out visiting the girls etc.
So I went out rented movies yesterday, planned on cooking one of his favoriest etc. Then the afternoon got all shot. I got a call my from my D6's school around 2:30 that she had fallen at school and cracked her head open and that they thought she needed stitches, and to come get her ASAP. So I quickly woke up her napping D2, ran out the door got there ,and my poor thing was just covered in blood. I know head wounds bleed so much, but ick, it was bad. So the nurse helped wrap up her head so the pressure would stay on her head while I drove to the hospital. WE live 1/2 hour from the hospital so it took a bit.
My friend met me at the school and took D2 for me so I didn't have to drag her there.
So we got to the hospital, and BOY did she slice it good. I could see her freakin' skull. OMG, really icky, it was that deep. So She ended up with some deep internal stitches, and then 8 top stitches. Poor thing. So by the time we were done at the hospital, picked up a special dinner for D6 for being so brave etc, I didn't get to the house until 6:30. H had picked up D2 from my friends house and was waiting for us with her. So our meal became take out, and a bit hectic.
But finally we got the girls to bed, and we ended up watching our movie. It was really nice. I had picked a just stupid comedy so there would be no pressure. Then we came up stairs cuddled a bit, and as always one thing led to another and we ML. I asked him to stay (bad, I know) but he said he had to go home to trade out his work car for his truck, because he's getting our pop up today when he comes to see the girls, to go on an overnight camping trip alone Sunday night for scouting for his hunting.
So then he left around 12:30am this morning to head home, then about 15 minutes later I got a call, and he said."hey, I don't know now what my timing for tomorrow is going to be, I just got called out (he's on swat)". So I haven't heard from him yet this morning, and don't want to call and wake him up if he's home and sleeping. BUt anyway............ so baby steps are being made.
He still tells me over and over he doesn't know what's going to happen, and he's NO WHERE NEAR where I am and ready to come home, but he IS trying, so that's huge. For 3 months he wouldn't do a thing, so I'm taking it.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
