Oooh, can I get an email too??? I've been watching your thread ,and so excited to hear the Retro was all you were hoping it to be. I'm looking for one too, so I'd love to hear all about it.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
If someone that knows you has my e-mail and they give yours to me I will send it to you.
ok here we go today...
Today Wife and I did our "dialogue" question from last night. (We both agreed to wait until today because we were so tired that means we will have two today) The question that we had to state our feeling on was "how do we feel about Dialoguing" Well be both did not use the "script" like we should have and just kind of wrote letters to each other Anyway I can't really go into too much detail about what our feelings were but Wife said that she agreed with me when I said on Sunday that everyone should go to this. She said it should be required before you get married. She told me she can not say what our out come will be but she is going to give 100% to this. She also agreed that she wishes we would have gone to this years ago. (She wrote more but..... My letter stated that I think that this dialoguing is great. And I can not thank her enough for going with me this weekend. I said we both have issues that we need to work on. And I want to put one of my issues to rest tonight. I told her it is going to be really hard for me. Little things pop up like colors, events, words that bring back memories to me. And I told her to forgive me if I slip but for lack of better words ' I FORGIVE YOU. I told her I am giving her my heart. I am making myself vulnerable to hurt. I told her my heart was broken into a million pieces and the glue I used to mend it has not dried yet so. Please handle it carefully.
After we write our letters we hand our books to each other and face each other and read what the other wrote. We read it twice once for the mind and once for the heart. Then we ask about what each of us wrote. Wife wrote something about she did not expect the presenting couples to open up to us. To display the hurt they still felt years after forgiving each other. But they were living for today. When it came time for Wife to ask me about my letter...............she asked." Can you really forgive me for what I did?" We both got teary eyed and I told her "I love you so much. I do forgive you" I told her I could never forget. But I do forgive...
This is the FIRST time Wife acknowledged that she did something wrong....... We still have a long way to go... one step at a time
Love ya Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
How wonderful! I'm so happy for you--but not surprised. Retrouvaille is a wonderful tool! I was one of many praying for your marriage this weekend.
Forgetting isn't important, and besides, it's impossible. Forgiveness means you agree to be vulnerable with the other person again, that you no longer use whatever the transgression is as a wall between you. Forgiving is not a one-time thing--it's daily. But it takes a lot of work to get to this point; now you just have to recommit to it. Now that you're reconnected, it's much easier.
Keep dialoguing; follow the script once you're not exhausted. Make it your highest priority. We did not, we fell into dialoguing AT each other, and the progress we had made was gone after 3 months. Learn from our mistakes!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I had tears in my eyes reading your post. I agree. Everyone who gets married should go to Retrouvaille. Even people who are just living together. It is amazing that we wait until we are so unhappy, and on the brink of divorce before we will take a little instruction from other people on how to interact. It's only 2 days and boom! we are changed people!
One small thing I noticed. In phrasing your question, it should always be "How do I feel about _____?" Maybe that's what you meant when you said we. But I wanted to be precise.
I have watched you progress for over a year now. It has been very slow, but there has been consistent movement toward your goal. And now Whoosh! You are really moving fast. I am so happy for you.
You are correct it is “how I Feel about..." but explaining it, it came out wrong.
One other thing I forgot. After we are to kiss... This afternoon when we dialoged she not only kissed me. (Not a big kiss but a kiss no less) she also gave me a hug. We are going to dialogue every night after dinner sooo Guess what?
Every night I am going to be getting a good night kiss.
Also Wife and I talked about letting the family know we are going to retro. We are not going to get into detail about why except to say we are working on our communication skills. This is another step to me. It means that both W and I are now publicly admitting we have a problem and are working on it to our familys.
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
