Hi everyone! So.. looking at what you wrote, I decided to ask him !!! He called me earlier (no reason, just for a chat!) and we were talking about his CV. He said about how he made the top look striking, stand out, this is where his name and address was, so I took a deep breath and said "I didnt realise your address was XXX..because you hadnt given it to me" and he said..."OH, hadnt I? I didnt realise" and carried on chatting, unconcerned...
So there you go! Pays to ask direct questions I reckon (Lisa, sit up straigh at the back and take note!!) He still hasnt invited me over. I'm sure its not that big a deal though.
He said about us going to the cinema this weekend, didnt say when though and hes out Saturday night with a friend. He said his cousin might be coming to stay for the weekend, but hes not sure..so he will have to check with him first, but would call me tommorow (yay!). So again, I bravely said "Well, then I guess I wont see you at the weekend if he's coming to stay" and he straight away said..."You probably will! but we just wont go do that" I said, does your cousin not like the cinema then? He said, no its not that, I'd just rather go do something else, like go for a drink"
So is he suggesting that we go out together, with his cousin !?
The other thing was, in discussing the job he applied for today, he thanked me for my help, I said he should believe in himself, as I did...and he thanked me sincerely, then said "we'll just have to wait and see Al" and later her said "we will have to see what happens". We ? WE? Could just be semantics, nothing special.
So other than all of those copious positives, the negative... I ttold him I may have to rerent the flat in July, but I wasnt sure and he started advising me, then stopped himself and said "well, its up to you, of course, I dont want to say you should do this or that, I really dont like that and dont want to tell you what to do"...as though its MY problem and we are just friends and its not for him to say what I should do about the flat this summer...
So that kind of thing tells me he has no plans to come back. Bit like Kalnis news really, they dont realise how loaded these comments are to us.. to me it spoke volumes, he is a single guy with his Dads house (we spoke about renting that too) and I have the flat, we are no longer a couple and these are no longer joint problems.
So, bit of a mixed bag, no change, but I was MASSIVELY pleased that he called me. I dont want to jinx it by saying it, but we seem to be back to daily contact again lately. Phew! So sorry for the atypical long post...
Ali xxx PS: Purr, I hope you are ok, I will catch up with you. Thanks Michelle and Kalni...yes, astrologically it was a stressful day! And Jeff... I have been trying to give the analysis a rest though lately, did you notice !?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Amazing about the address thing.. we look at things and read meaning into omissions when they dont say anything, but he wasnt even aware that he hadnt told me! Makes me think what else isnt he aware of? (like how much I love and miss him. I'm sure he thinks I am over him now). This clear communication is much healthier though, so I intend to ask him about popping over to his flat sometime and see how he reacts to that.
I wonder if I shouldnt do something, or say something at some point?...because he's just not showing signs of seeing me as anything more than a mate. Ok, a good mate, a best mate even, but not a romantic prospect. He seems to be so over me in terms of having an R or wanting to be intimate with me. It could be because he is depressed and knows he is not right or ready to be in an R with anyone, or he could really have meant it when he said last November "I'm not in love with you anymore, the feelings have gone for good and I really dont believe you can ever get them back."
I seem to be encased in concrete in stage 2, no escape. Maybe this is just it. All there is ever going to be.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Ali, things are moving in a positive direction! I think you may be too close to see it, but they are. I think they are gaining momentum. He spent time with you, and didn't pull back. Keep doing what you are doing, but try to be more "up" (without being totally silly, though I'd go for silly!) everytime you see him. Be a person he'd have to fall in love with! Confident, bright, energetic! There will be a time to ask him things, not yet.
If there is something of interest to you near where he lives, maybe you could say something like, "I'm going to see XXX, could I drop by and see you?"
Jeff, as an outsider, who has followed my crazy mental rollercoaster all along (up and down like a brides nightie!), do you really see things improving in a ROMANTIC sense !? Or just friends?? I am soooo pleased we have been so much in touch recently, I do feel ridiculously spoilt, we feel like a whisker away from reconciliation, but thats the most important last step isnt it. And he could never make it, I have no idea (or say in it).
And no, theres no reason for me to be in his area, so I would have to put him on the spot (casually). I am so relaxed around him now that I am often more "up" than him to be honest! I never whinge or moan and he does quite a bit of that. Hes funny though and we actually get along better now than the last year we were together, he was so withdrawn then. I have moments of being quiet if I feel a wave of sadness, but I avert my eyes and then I recover and he never seems to notice! Like he didnt notice my *rse...
I wonder if he realises how often he has used the phrase "we" recently. I jump for joy whenever I hear it.
Well...I just checked and a fantastic comedian we love is coming here in July, so I drafted an email saying "fancy going!?" with the link to it. I reckon he would like to (but its £30 so he could use that as an excuse to not go). Anyway, what the hell, maybe I will send it to him!
So the bed arrived in the store today! Its a real knockdown price...Question is, do I buy it !? I reckon.. yes (even though I am poorer than a Church mouse thats eaten all its cheese).
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You have to be friends first. Don't rush things! He is opening up more and more. And he knows how you feel. So give him time to decide what he wants to do with that.
His biggest fear may be that he has nothing to offer you. But if he can sort out this job and stuff, that's a step in him feeling more secure which is a nice ego boost for him.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Jeff, as an outsider, who has followed my crazy mental rollercoaster all along (up and down like a brides nightie!), do you really see things improving in a ROMANTIC sense !? Or just friends?? I am soooo pleased we have been so much in touch recently, I do feel ridiculously spoilt, we feel like a whisker away from reconciliation, but thats the most important last step isnt it. And he could never make it, I have no idea (or say in it).
And no, theres no reason for me to be in his area, so I would have to put him on the spot (casually). I am so relaxed around him now that I am often more "up" than him to be honest! I never whinge or moan and he does quite a bit of that. Hes funny though and we actually get along better now than the last year we were together, he was so withdrawn then. I have moments of being quiet if I feel a wave of sadness, but I avert my eyes and then I recover and he never seems to notice! Like he didnt notice my *rse...
I wonder if he realises how often he has used the phrase "we" recently. I jump for joy whenever I hear it.
Well...I just checked and a fantastic comedian we love is coming here in July, so I drafted an email saying "fancy going!?" with the link to it. I reckon he would like to (but its £30 so he could use that as an excuse to not go). Anyway, what the hell, maybe I will send it to him!
So the bed arrived in the store today! Its a real knockdown price...Question is, do I buy it !? I reckon.. yes (even though I am poorer than a Church mouse thats eaten all its cheese).
Why does the bride need a nightie?
Never mind.....
Yes, I do see changes in a romantic sense. At least from the description you write the hugs are getting longer, and they are intense. And he isn't running from them. Even when you were neck kissing (good job stopping), he wasn't pulling away. I think if a woman friend neck kissed me, and I didn't pull away, it would be clear to both of us that we were not "just" friends! (Unless I get to Cornwall, of course!)
Is there any reason you might have to pass through where he lives, on the way to somewhere else?
I'd ask him about the comedian. I'd also get the bed.
