Wow, what an amazing day you had with him. Can't really add much more to the great comments already, but I am sharing in your happiness of this important development. Maybe it will be a little easier to give him a bit more room now that you know that he "knows" how you feel. He gets it, so that's good. I think you are in a good position to be even more attractive to him by holding back on the kisses and tears. Think of it as a way to help him feel safe with you. He doesn't think you are considering him as just a pal. Strikes me as a sharper fellow than that!
Also, it does seem like he is slowly doing better with the depression overall, even though there is a lot of up and down as one recovers gradually through it. I think it's a good sign.
In looking at the last few posts, I'd have to agree that if you can hold back on the kisses and contact in the short run you'll be in a better position for the long run.
I know how tempting it is b/c just seeing my W makes me want to hold her and kiss her, but if you can do w/out, you'll become more desirable for him w/out the pressure.
Test yourself to see if you can do this (which we all know you can), but make this a competition for you. Can you do it? Challenge yourself and monitor the results.
Hi everyone! Thanks for your thoughts! So you think its sounding positive? I do feel a million times better after seeing that CBT counsellor last week and then spending much of the weekend with him. I can really see clearly how this is about him being in a mess. And I'm mega relieved theres noone else involved.
Just to clarify.. it was HIM that was doing the lingering hugging! And I'm not about to push him off! And it was him that was asking me to phone him, I just asked, do you want me to call you later this week? But he said to call him before then, he wants to do some DIY at the flat, maybe tommorow. I havent contacted him today, I need a break as the weekend was pretty intense. Oh and it was him that was tearful, not me!
So, I have a dilemma. There was this gorgeous antique type brass bed in an unusual chromey colour that I wanted to buy last year, but he hated it, so we bought a wooden one instead. I went to the shop today and its discontinued.. so I asked the Manager and they found one in the warehouse...and I got them to agree to ship it here for free and I haggled the price down to �150!!... so.. do I buy it? Its quite a statement, buying myself a new bed. Especially one that he didnt want, but I feel like it would be good for me.
I cant afford it, but it seems meant to be, seeing as they no longer sell it, but they found one left over and I got it cheap.... ? Today, I am starting to think I'm not sure how many months more we can go on like this before I move on...hes put me through a lot, I know he has depression, but will he ever be joyful and have joie de vivre and ready to have children?? I'm not giving up yet though!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Oh I was emailing you at the exact same time! How strange! Synchronisity.
I wanted the new bed, so I have mine as a spare bed for visitors this summer...but then yes, we could switch beds if he ever (ever!) comes back. No word from him today, but I will have to see him tommorow, as he took my camera home with him and I need it! I am dreading calling him a bit actually... as wonderful as it is to see him, its rather draining to hold your feelings in all weekend and be in his company for 10 hours but not be allowed to touch him. I hope this doesnt go on for too long, I'm not sure I can wait forever...!
Ali xx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
its rather draining to hold your feelings in all weekend and be in his company for 10 hours but not be allowed to touch him
YES IT IS! It stinks, but you've got to find a way to have the idea of touching (and eventually kissng) come from him. I know how much it gnaws at you, but you've got to try and be strong.
Two: Get the bed! If it won't take food from your mouth, get it! It is a purchase for YOU, so BF's thoughts be damned. This would be an Ali purchase for the pure satisfaction of Ali, so I say, if you've got the means, then get it for yourself.
Think of it as a reward for all the hard DBing you are forced to do for BF.
Hi RTL, I know, I know.. I swear I didnt touch him the whole time! And we were together all day.. on ferries, in the car, sat on the sofa together all evening, I still respected his space, but I sat near him. He went to hug me at the door (I never move) but I did kiss him a bit, ok, I snuck a few, but he didnt pull away. He doesnt give them back, but he doesnt seem to mind!
Well, I asked him for the camera and said he didnt have to do the leak, but he was insistent about coming to fix the leak, he said it was important we get it sorted and that he was really worried about it.. this is interesting, he is showing a real sense of responsibility here (contrast that to when he left and the flat was standing empty and I had to get the plumbing finished and seal the shower and connect the oven and all sorts and he never even asked me about it). Plus, although the flat is in his name on paper, its still mine and mine and my parents money in it and he always said it was "my" project and I havent asked him to take any responsibility. I dont know, maybe he's just being nice and helping me out, or maybe he does feel like its "our" problem afterall. It could be positive!
He also said he would bring the camera over, even if we dont go look at the leak. So he was pretty keen.
Again, he could just be being nice, or it could be a positive sign! Full Moon tonight...
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I think some of the responsibility stuff you are seeing could be connected to his having reduced depression symptoms--he's a little more focused, has more initiative and energy, maybe is working on himself some more. This is good, whatever the reason. There are a lot of positives going on here. Sounds like there is a little more sense of balance in things--not just you pursuing, but he seems a bit more "in" to it overall. From what you are describing in the big picture, this sounds like a bit more than just friends...you have shared a very significant relationship together, so I think you're in a "Friends Plus" zone.
