Minkerman: Neutral is the new Forward!

[cw68]

MM, thanks for the compliment. It is an uphill battle. A battle that you don't know if you can win, but you have to do what you think you should do. Continuing on is about you, just as her decision is about her.

My H and I could be in a similar battle. My H isn't near as ready as your H, but I feel he struggles with the same battle in his heart and mind that I see in your W. As where your W is looking at the getting back together part, my H struggles with even opening himself up to wanting to get back together. He says he was so unhappy for so long and escaping was his secret way to fix it. It's hard to dislodge those thoughts from the WAS's mind. I hope you find your peace and her too. I hope that's together. It's worth me noting that I think your approach to this whole thing will give you peace regardless of the outcome.

[minkerman]

If you allow her to safely continue expressing these feelings without becoming argumentative with her and asking "Then wtf are we split up?!"....I think you will lay the ground work for her to continue expressing herself to you - positively AND negatively - and this type of COMMUNICATION can be your marriage's saving grace.

It's as simple as listening - and then thinking before you respond - and THEN responding with love no matter what the issue at hand IS. It means remaining vulnerable to a point. So you just have to ask yourself if you're willing to do that...

I love this. I will indeed continue to listen, and will not engage in any disagreement. I really haven't disagreed up to this point, and that may be why she is giving me a peek behind the curtain.

Telling me she misses being part of a couple, and having someone to talk to is a step in the right direction. Also, she tells me frequently, that I am attractive and that she "knows some woman is going to scoop you up soon if I don't sort out my thoughts"....this tells me there some second-guessing going on in that head of hers.

We shall see.