On our trip to Seattle, she bought a very nice handbag, that was quite expensive. She has never owned anything like that before, and I encouraged her to buy it - we had the money.
Well, now she feels it "isn't right" that she bought it. I told her "I'm not going to tell you how to think, but I wish you would just forget about it and enjoy it!".
So this morning I got an email from the Tommy Bahama store. They have an invitation-only sale tonight, 20% off everything.
So I sent her this: Anything you’ve had your eye on, that you’d like to get 20% off? Note that swimsuits are excluded, but I guess it’s the intro of their spring wear. Think I will go and at least take a look tonight. You’re welcome to join me.
mm
Her response: M, please buy something like pants or shorts.... Damn on the swimwear! I’m still reeling on that purse I bought so I’ll pass. Thanks for asking,
w
Me: over the last 30 years i think you deserve to have bought something extravagant at least once, so maybe wrap your head around it that way! don’t forget i bought 800 worth of clothes on your birthday, and i am eventually buying a new guitar. mm
Her: you're precious thank you
Nice way to end the conversation, wouldn't you say?
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Well, since that was a nice email, and I had a decidedly neutral phone convo tonight, I won't contact her at all tomorrow. During tonight's call, she casually mentioned that she needed to pay the landlord for April and May this weekend, since the landlord only comes to town once a month.
Pissed me off that she mentioned May, but what can I do about it?
Right after she mentioned it, she said "I feel bad, God it's such a lot of money". I sucked it up and said "no worries, we'll be fine".
We were both quiet for a few seconds...I know she was thinking. Right after that, I ended the call, said have a great day tomorrow, and hung up.
The roller coaster goes up and it rolls down again.....
MM, the day after I have days like yours is usually followed by, me wanting my wife back even stronger then before. It sucks what the mind and heart can do to us day by day.
Hey Mink - just got done playing poker with the boys and need to unwind a bit before hitting the sack. Thought I would browse the boards and see how my DB buds are doing.
I can shed some light on your sitch.
When W and I attempted reconciliation, we went on a shopping spree for her. It was a LOT of fun. After a few days, she got real moody and began to question the gifts. My thinking was I just saved huge $$ on a divorce, this is peanuts.
What happened was that her guilt kicked in. While she enjoyed the moment, she felt that she was not a very good wife (which is true) and she did not deserve the gifts (which was also true). You may be dealing with that.
I believe your W is very confused, but I do think that she is pulling away. In my opinion, you have taken many steps backwards from the car wash and sex days.
I know this is heresy on this board, but how long can you go on like this? Keep your options open.
It will be interesting to see what transpires over the next day or two. I have not made much effort to communicate with her this week. I have sent a couple emails, which she usually responds to...not this time. She is quiet.
She always pulls back after we have a good time, so this time I pulled back as well.
So, I am interested to see if this answers the question:
Does lack of contact from me give her the "space" she says she craves, and helps her clarify what she wants for the future?
Or,
Does lack of contact from me make her happier in her choice to not reconnect to the marriage?
On Sunday when I left her place, she said she would be over on Saturday (tomorrow) to help me put away all the stuff we took off our boat. Also, to pack away all the books that we aren't going to use.
I haven't called her to confirm, I just left it the way it was left.
Will she show up? Will she have rebuilt all her "walls" that came down when we were in Seattle last weekend? Or will she be open and sweet, the way she was last weekend?
