I remember when my son had his surgery for adenoids, they first gave him some nasty tasting drug that starts with a 'P' to calm him in preparation for when they wheeled him away to the operating room and give him the real anesthesia. They had him pick out a stuffed animal (a frog he named Ron from a book we had just read him) and then the drug started to kick in. It was pretty funny so see the huge smile on his little face caused by whatever that drug was.
The doctor told us that when they come out of the anesthesia following the operation that one of two possible things will occur. They will either be grooggy calm or they will be screaming scared and confused. Our boy was the later and it made me and W really apprehensive. You might want to prep your son a bit so that he understands that when he wakes that he wont know where he is but that everything is ok.
BTW... Ron the stuffed frog made a tour of Vietnam and Thailand that year. Even the Thai tour guides got a kick out of a frog named Ron.
Thanks for the good words! It is good to hear our "real" H's again, isn't it? But confusing a little too, as you said, b/c for me it feeds my hopes, since I figure if he sounds like the "good H" again, he should make good decisions for us, too. And of course I don't know if he will....
Nathan had a ball on the tour. They have one of those electric jeeps that kids can drive parked in the pre-op room. Kids get to drive it INTO the OR! How cute! So he got to practice driving it last night.(It is one a.m. but I fell asleep for 3 hours and just woke up so it seems like last night! Hope I fall back asleep after this) anyway he was not afraid at all, unfortunately he has been sick often enough that most of this doesn't phase him. Ben there, done that, etc.
Thanks again for thinking of me. Try to send me good thoughts tomorrow night (Fri. night) if you get a chance!
I know you are heavily medicated , but you mentioned H was looking for my validation. Should I have given it to him? You also said he was wanting me to make it "easy" on him. Would my validating make it easy on him? Not sure if you are saying I SHOULD have "sold" him on the idea that us together was a good decision or not....
I guess either way that ship has sailed, since the discussion was almost a week ago. I wonder from time to time if I should have said something along the lines of, "Since you are doubting your ability to make good decisions, how about trusting MY judgement on this one? Give it a try and see if it is the right decision".
But I am also glad I didn't b/c I want him to have ownership of his own decisions, so he can't come back and say I "made" him do it--which would be total crap, but you know what I mean.
In the past 2 ear surgeries, my S has fallen under the "scared, confused, crying" when he comes out of sedation. So I am expecting it, and won't be worried if he reacts that way this time. Mean/lazy mom speaking here , I wish he would be the kid who goes home and wants to sleep all day instead.......
In 5 1/2 years, my kid has NEVER been the one who gets sick and spends the day sleeping. He spends it wide awake and grumpy.
S will also get to pick a stuffed animal after the surgery.
Just my experienece : When my H moved out the first time for 40 days, I kept validating and suporting his decision to come home to give us a try. He did but was not really into it. 3 weeks later he said he couldn't try. I would say whatever descision he makes has to be his own and he has to really know what he is doing. Anything less -I think- would bring you to the same sitch very quickly. He is a grown up man and you are not his mother.
YAY! Thank you, K. That is my thought exactly, I am not going to "push" for him to come home.
I don't want him here b/c I want him here.
I don't want him here so he can avoid breaking our S's heart.
I don't want him here so people in the family/at work can continue to think he is a "good guy".
I don't want him here b/c he "owes" me for being such a good little wife.
And I even don't want him here b/c it is the "right" thing to do.
I want him here b/c he knows what a good thing he has and he does not want to lose it.
I avoided validating when he asked, "And you are certain this is the RIGHT decision?" because of what happened several times in the deepest part of his A, Dec-Feb. He would say, "I don't want to move", or "I don't want to be divorced" or "I don't want to hurt my kids", and the first time or two, I replied, "Then don't." But after that, if he would make and "I dont want to" comment, he would immediately look at me and in a nasty voice, say "Then don't, right? Isn't that what you are gong to say?"
So around Feb, I would reply back, "No, I won't say that. You need to do what you want to do." This time I didn't say anything at all.........
H is a very big boy and can make this decision on his own, you are right K.
Wow am I tired. I fell asleep with S in his bed around 9:45 and woke up wide awake at 1:00 am. I got on the boards, took a load of laundry out of the washer, and washed a sink full of dishes. Tried to go back to bed at 2:10, but was still awake at 3.
At that time, my S came in my room. He was wide awake. Had a bad dream. Said he and I were in the living room and a big spider was on the floor. I tried to kill it with a stick and the stick kept breaking when I tried to hit the spider. So the spider crawled across the floor, up his leg and onto his chest. Then he woke up.
I know I am reading into this wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much. But it instantly made me think of our M situation. I am trying to save my son from being hurt by us getting a divorce but my efforts haven't been entirely successful. So despite mom's best efforts, the "spider" of our D may still come and get my S......Okay again I know that may be a stretch. But it is true, I am running around trying different "sticks" (approaches) to keep the worst from happening but my S is still getting hurt.....
So needless to say I was then awake until 3:30. At that point my D began having a coughing fit in her bedroom. I think she has a mild case of croup. She coughed for 15-20 seconds at a time, every 90 seconds or so, until 4. Which is when I finally fell asleep. But had to get up at 5:30. Did I mention I am tired?
My mind is just going a mile a minute and my efforts to make it "sit still" haven't worked.
, but you mentioned H was looking for my validation. Should I have given it to him? You also said he was wanting me to make it "easy" on him. Would my validating make it easy on him? Not sure if you are saying I SHOULD have "sold" him on the idea that us together was a good decision or not....
, I wish he would be the kid who goes home and wants to sleep all day instead.......