I very nicely called her around 5. Told her I called the school re. kindergarten round up and they said they had mailed her the info. She played dumb, said she hasn't seen any mail for us. I said please keep an eye out, and that I would just call the school tomorrow and have them look the information up for me. Not a single mean/nasty comment spoken...
And yes, I am doing my best to "stick to my guns" as they say. I know what I want, I know what I deserve. H has openly acknowledged that everything I want is very realistic, I am not "piling on" pointless demands/expectations. I want what any woman wants, a husband who is "there" emotionally and physically, who can be supportive and let his wife support him, too.
I just want the whole package, not two of us under the same roof for the sake of the kids, reputations, etc. He knows it, and I am 99% sure he wants it too. He just doesn't have the kind of faith I have that it can really happen AND, more importantly for him I think, that he actually DESERVES it after all that has happened....
Getting ready for bed. H called at 9:15. Was hoping S wasn't in bed already, but assumed he would be since it was late. Explained he was running late from going to his friend Doug's to pick up the livestock trailer--Doug was yammering to me in the background (he is one of those loveable-yet-irritatingly obnoxious/happy people).
Anyway I peeked in on S and he was awake (Bad Mommy put him to bed at 9, not 8:45 ). So he talked to H for a couple minutes.
S gave me the phone. H asked me a couple no-big-deal questions, or made random conversation--I honestly don't remember what we talked about...we talked all of 60 seconds. Then he said, Well I am still at Doug's (which is 90 min from his parents') so I better get going. I said thanks for calling S and hung up.
I felt bad we didn't talk but surprisingly not that bad. He could have hung up after S said goodbye. And he sounded pretty upbeat. Don't know if that is good or bad. But if he was all fired up to "dump" me I doubt he would sound that way. Ok, no more ali-analyzing (I totally stole that from Kalni!).
My mom actually asked me today if I would be mad if SHE called H??? She wants to leave him a message, not actually talk to him. Mom has known H since he was 14 years old, and we started dating when he was 18. She just wanted to tell him that she was thinking of him and wants him to know that he will always be welcome in our family regardless of past choices.
I don't know what to think about that. On one hand, I think it is nice. Because he has cheated on her daughter with 2 different women (3 if you count the one-nighter in Tokyo 8 yrs ago, I know it "counts" but is different to me than an ongoing affair). So I know H has a lot of guilt and does not want to "face" my family.
In fact, my dad told his dad back in November (our dads have known each other for 50 years, we live in a small town, remember?? ) that he wanted to kill H for hurting me. Actually, the weekend I found H in the hotel w/OW, our parents called EACH OTHER several times???
So last word H had from my family was that my dad wanted to kill him. But if my mom calls THIS week, I don't want him thinking I put her up to it, since I gave him this week as a time line. Anyway, I told her to hold off for now. I think it would be nice for H to know that he doesn't have to "hide" from my family, but I don't want to be seen as manipulative. I didn't ask my mom to call him, but he may see it that way.....
No more news. I will check in on my friends before I turn in...
Just my opinion but I would ask Mom not to call. He is likely to "read into it" something unintended. Besides, I doesn't go with the new independent BBJ. It sounds a lot like the old BBJ making it easy for him to be a b=tt.
Good, I told her not to call at this point. So I am glad that is what you think as well. His focus should be on HIM, and what he needs to do. I won't muddle it with outside influences....
Besides, in the future, if we decide to work it out, she can be accepting of him THEN. If he decides to stay gone, then I can always send my dad to kill him
I am surprising myself with how quiet I have been. But I will continue to be quiet, and have told my mom to do the same!
I do think it was nice of her to want to talk to H after all the crap he has pulled. If it were my D in this situation 30 years from now, I don't know if I would want to be nice to her H! But, although the thought was nice, I told her the action wasn't needed at this point.
It is strange to think that this weekend, I could/very well may be hearing my H say he doesn't want to try any more. I know he doesn't want a D, he has said so. And I know he will miss me, the kids, our life. But I am probably (most likely) asking him for more than he is capable of giving right now. I know that, but I have to ask for it any way. Because doing what we have been doing just wasn't working for me any longer.
My mom left me a VM while I was teaching. Kids just went to music, so I checked her message.
SHE CALLED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DIDN'T WANT HER TO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She sounded all weepy on the phone (I HATE when I cry b/c my mom does it ALL THE TIME! ):
BBJ I did call Dan. I got his voicemail. I just told him that I felt like I needed to call him b/c I hadn't talked to him in so long and I wanted him to know that I am here for him if he ever wants someone to talk to. I told him that I support him and I love him. (She said the "I love him " part totally crying).
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I want to crawl under a rock. I don't want H to think it was my idea or that I am using my mom to manipulate him. But if I say something to him, he will know I "know" about it. I am thinking "bury it, bury it with a shovel and bury the shovel" (a very old, obscure quote from the Coach tv show). Meaning, I say nothing and act as though I don't have a clue if H ever brings it up to me.
(Seriously, did she think H would say, yes, I am dying to pour my heart out to my wife's MOM? WTF? Mom did it b/c it made HER feel better. Grr)
I don't want to check this board again b/c I hate to imagine what you guys will have to say. I am just so freakin' embarrassed that my Mommy got involved. First my MIL gets MY kids kindergarten information. Now my mom has called my H???????? Can I go die now?
). So he talked to H for a couple minutes. 
) that he wanted to kill H for hurting me. Actually, the weekend I found H in the hotel w/OW, our parents called EACH OTHER several times???
):