Well I took all of your advice and we're back on track. It wasn't a bomb, it was just a firecracker.
We had an appointment with the bank yesterday, and it required a 90 minute commute...I thought, oh boy, is this going to be fun.
Fortunately I took delivery of my new Jeep yesterday, so we had something to 'small talk' about at first.
After 10 minutes, I simply said "Hey, it looks like I totally took what you said last night the wrong way. Just goes to show how email and phone conversations are nothing compared to face-to-face. Anyway, I apologize, and let's just pick up where we left off before this all happened - are you OK with that?"
She sounded relieved, and said that was great, let's get back on the path. We're two best friends, and we're hanging out and taking things slow and seeing where it goes.
"But" she said, "we must stop having sex...it is really messing up my head".
I agreed. So that takes the pressure off, and just lets us hang out, stay overnight, go on trips etc, with no romantic pressure.
So that was that. All good.
So I was going to drop her off at her place, but she invited me up, we killed a bottle of wine and talked some more - she asked if I would stay over, I said of course.
We went to bed, no sex, just a good night and good morning kiss, drank a pot of coffee, then I left and came home - and here I am.
So we are back on the best friends track, and I am OK with that, for now. After all, Stage 2 is friendship, and we really weren't ready for Stage 3, Romance quite yet. Stage 2 is the one we are supposed to linger in the longest, so that's what we'll do.
If there is one thing I have learned throught this its never react immediatley . never jump to conclusions . She is still not 100% sure , she will throw these bumps and little tests out there , and I am sure it is not concious just her own doubts spooking her. Reacting and changing in haste can cause a backslide.
You have of course figured this out but it will not hurt to reinforce it to others who come here to read.
Pitty about the No Sex though , I am sure this will not be permanent. She is just pulling back a bit , which is to be expected from time to time.
Reacting and changing in haste can cause a backslide.
Wise words, Dave. Thanks for that.
We spent the rest of today together, emptying our boat, which is for sale. It was a bit emotional, we have been boating for 10+ years and have had so many good times. But, whether we end up together or apart, we need to get rid of the boat and prepare for something else, whatever that may be. If we're together, it's going to be outdoor recreation and travel. If we end up apart....who knows, but we sure can't afford to keep the boat!
Today was nice, we laughed a lot, shed a couple of tears, and had a really good lunch at the water's edge.
On the way home, I said "You're welcome to come up or stay over if you want." She said "I think I'll be in bed by 7:00, I am soooo tired, I know I'll fall asleep right away. I think I'll just go home tonight". "No problem" I said.
It was a good day today, I kinda like taking it slow and easy, and dating my wife.
I just wish she could figure things out. We could be so good.
Just read my my last post on your thread...looks like somehow it didn't get put up on the site until quite a bit later after I posted it somehow! I'm sorry because it may have come across as completely wacko--you had just had this very upsetting experience and are reading me saying "looks like it's all good" (!!). The timing of the message was totally off...I don't understand how this happened because I certainly wouldn't have posted that kind of response if I had read the change in your sitch. Maybe we were posting around the same time?! Anyway, sorry if this seemed so out of whack with your sitch. This must have been some kind of site delay in the posting.
In any case, I wanted to say that this must be really confusing to sort out...I mean, she seems to be quite comfortable with the ML part--and has initiated this too, but then she is saying that it "messes her head up". That's confusing to me.
Part of what you described sounds a little like something from my sitch. About a month ago, my W. asked me if I was still in IC. I said yes and asked if she was going to IC also. I got this blank, completely puzzled look back from her and she said, "Me? What do I need to go to IC for? I'm doing fine." (almost like I had asked her something that was completely ridiculous) This was in the midst of so much incredibly confusing and contradictory messages that I was receiving from her. This is crazymaking stuff sometimes, hey MM?
Well, things do seem to have settled down a little...I like the firecracker vs. bomb idea! Though I gotta say, that was one h_ll of a firecracker. If anyone can stay grounded and hold a difficult course, it's you, MM!
W just called (2 hrs after we left the boat) to see if I was as tired and worn out as she is. I told her the wind on my face all day gave me a wind burn...I mentioned that I had just looked in the mirror and I look 'embarrassed'. She thought that was hilarious!
No other reason for the call. Nice!
EDIT: Purr, I saw your post above, after I posted mine. No worries on your previous post, that's exactly what I thought had happened. Yeah man, this stuff can drive you crazy!! But it could be worse.
Mink, you've got a good handle on yourself and I'm very proud of you. I think this is a great example of how DBing can make or break your relationship. You doing everything the "DB" way is allowing your W to really think things through. I can say for myself that my old way of working on our relationship was just putting nails in the coffin. Congratulations! You are doing everything you can, you're giving your relationship a real chance AND you've become an incredible person.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
that post may have came out wrong so let me clarify. lately I have lost hope a lot. MM you seem to be very positive in the face of a caos. how do you do it?
