Oh my friend, you have written from my heart and my situation. They are running from us, aren't they??
OK Iwb and gypsy, Remember, Hs' are in MLC. They are running from theirself, not you! You are a victim !!!! Hs are in cheeseless tunnels and can not for the life the themself figure out why they are not happy. Remember, DBing, even with the big D. Many have posted they D and kept DBing and the R returned. We are all in this together and yes it sure sucks !!! We can not control nor are we responsible for our H actions. We are good people. Just had to say all of that. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
Thank you so much for the b'day wishes and thoughtfulness.. it does my heart good! My friends, family and kids are all making it a wonderful day, going out of their way to make me feel special. I am blessed.
In fact I was thinking of taking the kids out this weekend to look for an older puppy/younger dog whose presence might not be as big a shock to our sweet pooch. This time is all about going outside my comfort zones.
Many times when I see something new, I only see the negative. With plants I think of the care and how long it will take me to kill them, rather than the color and life they bring.
With pets, it's all about the care and responsibility, the extra thought involved, what damage they may wreak and the risk of it being just work for me, rather than the joy and happiness they bring and how special they are just by themselves.
All these 180's make me realize my rut was always into withdrawing, that saying 'no' with justifications kept me from experimenting and truly living my life. Heck, my H would suggest we get new towels to replace the old ones I had 20 reasons why it wasn't a good idea. The odd thing is, I've started doing all the things he asked for without even thinking about it. Oops, I got in the way of many things with my need to control.
Sweet lwb and grid
As far as being victims of MLCer's.. I agree to the point. It was courageous and needed when H described how he felt. Walking away without dealing with it.. okay, RUNNING away.. wasn't good. Does that make me a victim?
I don't know. His actions forced me to choose what I wanted in life, versus the status quo I didn't even realize I settled for. A marriage of co-existence, a relationship where I literally choked if I tried to talk about anything. Although we respected what the other contributed and had love of children and family, our marriage was a hodge-podge of increasingly skewed Rube Goldberg adjustments.
This time of upheaval, separation and looming divorce, also brings an awareness to me, of reflection, mediation and increasing awareness. I don't think "mea culpa" (my fault) for it took two to get to this point, but I understand better. In the same way I hope that H has time to look in the mirror to see what he is running from, I seeing what I so strongly rejected.
It's time for both of us to reflect, renew and find ourselves.
I cannot believe how close our birthdays are. Since you live somewhere in the northeast, we may have to get together to celebrate next year!! Whoo Hoo!!
hugs, love and best wished for a beautiful day.
(hugs) bear
Last edited by phbear316; 03/14/0811:36 PM.
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
HAPPY Belated BRITHDAY..........Spoil Yourself and Enjoy !!!!
<<<<HUGS>>>
grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
In fact I was thinking of taking the kids out this weekend to look for an older puppy/younger dog whose presence might not be as big a shock to our sweet pooch. This time is all about going outside my comfort zones.
Gypsy, Please, do not purchase a dog from a pet store. Animal shelter or responsible breeders only. Let the staff at an animal shelter work for you. Talk to them, about likes in a dog, your life style, activity levels, how the dog will be a part of your family. Then the shelter can really go to work and find the right dog for your family. Dogs a bit older do not need quite as much attention in the house breaking department or rather they can last a bit longer between outings. They have gone through the teething period and are not chew chew chew.
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Many times when I see something new, I only see the negative.
\ Why do you think this is so? What were or are you afraid of and why? How can you start changing this behavior for the betterment of your life and home. Ever read the book, "Change yourself and change everyone around you"?
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With plants I think of the care and how long it will take me to kill them, rather than the color and life they bring.
ROFL...that certainly is a new focal point on house plants, how long will it take me to kill it???? Thanks for the chuckle.
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With pets, it's all about the care and responsibility, the extra thought involved, what damage they may wreak and the risk of it being just work for me, rather than the joy and happiness they bring and how special they are just by themselves.
For me, pets are about love, responsibility, and experiencing life in the green zone. some pain, but then everything has to have pain some where. Even learning to drive a car has painful moments.
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All these 180's make me realize my rut was always into withdrawing, that saying 'no' with justifications kept me from experimenting and truly living my life.
gypsy, this is really a very interesting comment. As I too must watch myself not to use no or negative as a tool to deal with life and life situation. Why do you think we say no? is it fear of change, fear of loss of control, fear of pain, fear of self failure? Why are we secure with no? What do you think?
I have a friend [everyone heads up] who is always saying (mostly to her staff, and wonderful person to work for or with) in life there is really only one decision that once made can not be undone. So, stop being afraid of trying something different, stop being afraid to make a decision !!!! You ask, what is that one never to be undone decision????...........Suicide!!! Stop and think about this abit and the next time you don't want to make a change or decision, remember my friend and her statement. stop being afraid of decisions and change, for it all can honestly be undone. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
