Thanks Tree...but I am not thinking of it as "playing" anything!
I am really just being very aware of what brings us closer together and what pushes us apart.
Over the past couple of weeks I have really learned what she likes and doesn't like.
LIKES: - gifts - me acting slightly detached (which I am) - seeing me breaking stereotypes that she has of me - me spending money on myself (I am a cheapskate) - R talk (but only when she initiates it) - seeing my GAL activities
DISLIKES: - too much contact, email, phone, text - me planning too much stuff for us to do - excessive romance (I am letting her lead for now) - too much talk of "our future" - ANYTHING that can be perceived by her as pressure or pushing
So, I am just trying to do more of what she likes, and doing less of what she dislikes. But I am not JUST doing it for her to 'get her back', I am simply very aware of these behaviors, and stacking the deck in my favor.
I am genuine in my feelings for her, and genuine in how good I think we can be, once we are back together. I am not trying to trick her into anything, just being sensitive to her needs and wants.
So....let's see how today goes. Because today is all we really have, isn't it?
MM, you're a model to me and not just because things are going well between your wife and you. I'm with you in that I'm genuine in how good I think my H and I can be, once we are back together. Just gotta get the rest of your M.O. and feelings down.
Keep up the good fight, man. We're fighting ourselves, our old relationships as well as the situations our spouses have chosen to put us in.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
No worries! On Saturday she hinted that she almost felt like she was being 'played'...I got a bit ticked off at that and told her so. I told her I was just being aware of her needs, and that isn't playing her, it's being present in the moment. 'Good distinction' she said.
So on Wednesday, I am taking W out for a glass of wine & dinner at the funky wine bar I took her to a couple weeks back. Then I am going to her place to fix her laptop.
At the end of the phone call I just finished she said, oh why don't you stay over on Wednesday night?
Oh, ahhhh.....sure, that sounds great, I said.
She is reaching out. Must be very hard for her. I won't screw it up this time like I did last time. I was way too eager last time and wanted to accelerate things at light speed. Blew up in my face.
Your intrepid Minkerman will be Mr. Cucumber from now on.....
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Now it's an hour later and she just called again. She wants to come with me to my yoga class on Saturday, then come to our place and sort through some old CDs so she can put them into her iTunes on her laptop.
"Maybe I'll pack a bag" she said (sleep over). "That sounds great" said Mr Cucumber
This good, very very good.
Any advice, folks? I am very aware of the potential pitfalls here....
I am so happy to read how things have turned back. You both seem to be approaching things with some clarity but cautious pacing. That's what makes me feel really encouraged in reading your sitch over the last several days...it seems like both of you are doing this differently. Good for you for finding that balance of staying grounded and also letting things play out.
I feel really proud of you and happy about your sitch, though I feel quite down about mine right now. I hate that hopeless feeling; sometimes I just don't know how I'm going to get through any of this mess. Anyway, it's good to read some success stories and hear about some freed up sense of love rekindling in people's lives.
Mink my man to see how you were when this thread first started and to see it now.... i re4comend buying the 5 love languges book. i see your list og her likes and dislikes. reciving gifts is one of the 5. if you can find out her other one then you will only make you position better.
