My last thread locked. First of all I want to thank everyone that has helped me over the last year…I don’t know how I would have made it without you guys.
Today would have been my 6th wedding anniversary….instead it’s the day I truly become free of XH’s mess. Sure, I probably should have quit putting up with his sh$t a year ago, but we all have to do it in our time….and now it’s my time.
Here’s a summary of my story….let me warn you ahead of time…it’s a sad one.
XH and I were high school sweethearts. We married shortly after I graduated from college. We always had something special….we were complete opposites…but always understood each other or so I thought. After years of trying to get pregnant and a failed IVF, he started to have an affair. He tried to run away from himself and his problems. Within the first three months of his affair, he moved 3 hours away and in with OW. He left me, his entire family, his horse farm that he built, quit his job of 5 years….everything that he ever knew. I tried for months to save my marriage….then I tried for many more months to save him from himself….I just couldn’t do it.
Last June, I finally decided that I was through. He had literally put me through hell and back. He was still on the fence but he had been living with OW for 6 months at that point and I decided that I wasn’t doing it anymore. He followed through with the divorce and actually gave me more than my fair share….might be the only decent thing he did. Our divorce hearing was on his birthday. Even on that day, he was an @ss to me. As I was sitting outside of the courthouse that day, his mom broke the heartbreaking news to me that OW was pregnant. OW claims that it was an “accident”….I don’t believe it for one second. At that point, I was so glad that I had signed D papers sitting on the chair next to me….I didn’t have to be a part of this soap opera anymore. I was free of the lies and deceit.
I was doing fine after the divorce even put myself out there and dated a guy for a few months, but last week XH and OW’s baby was born, so it kind of took be back. XH had been contacting me periodically since the D. I let him….never disclosed much about me…but always took his calls. A lot of people on here had told me that I needed to stop contact with him because there was no point to it….I just couldn’t do it. However, after the stunts he pulled last week, I am no longer speaking to him. Last Tuesday, the baby was born and he sent me a text with the baby’s picture attached. I was ready to chalk it up to a mistake that he didn’t really mean to, but then on Thursday, I get a text from him asking for a onesie that we had bought for our baby….that was the last straw for me. He couldn’t be any more inconsiderate or cruel….I don’t care if he is still crazy it is downright sick. So I packed all the baby stuff we had and wrote him a letter and told him here it all is…don’t know why you want it because it was for our baby….do not contact me anymore. He should have gotten the letter yesterday.
So here I sit…completely free. It’s probably a year too late, but like everyone said time is on my side. I’m a successful, beautiful, strong 28 year old woman…I don’t need his craziness or cruelty in my life. I have a lot to offer someone, and I’m gonna have a great life. I stood on my own two feet and fought this battle with my integrity intact and I’m holding my head high as I close…truly close this chapter of my life. So here’s to my new life….
Last night I went out with XH's niece for her birthday and met some of her friends. My niece was explaining a little about my sitch to them. The one girl is having boyfriend troubles, and she was so glad that I came along. She said you are my hero...you are amazing...if you can do this...I can. It made me feel really good about myself....maybe I will be able to help others yet.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Hope, You "should" be proud of yourself. You've closed the final door to X by mailing that stuff to him. I hope he leaves you alone now, but I doubt he will. It's still goiing to be up to you to force the issue, unfortunately. But.....you are strong and you can do it.
While everyone on this board has experienced pain, your pain is double. You have the pain of the divorce plus the pain of infertility. I cannot even imagine how hard that is to bear.
You are completely right to shut the door on a relationship with your ex. He is a weak man who blows with the wind through life. You have steadfast determination. You will get where you want to go. You will find a strong man who will be your partner in life, and as for having a baby, sometimes God works in different ways. We adopted our first child. I have never doubted that that boy was meant to be our son. We just had to go about it a different way. And many say not surprisingly, I could get pregnant after that.
Life is a journey. You never know how things will work out, but if you work steadfastly toward your goal, I have found that no matter how unreachable it may seem, you can get there.
Sara, I never knew that about you (your adopted son was your first). Its like God said "Ok, now that you found your son, have more kids on your own". That is amazing.
Hope, got your message. Wasn't in a good spot to answer this morning but thanks for checking on me. I'll find you soon, I promise.
You are my hero. You are on your own 2 feet right now. You maybe be wobbling and weak kneed, but girl, you are getting there, and you will thrive and shine. I am proud to know you.
That's exactly what it was like. Life is just one surprise after another. And it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You just have to live through it.
Hope, Here's to your new life! Know that it can be a great one. If you think about it, you have been given a great gift through this sitch...the gift of self-awareness and self-knowledge.
All the best, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
