Hey Mink, just popped in, I'll read and catch up soon, but...
Dude, don't do this to shock her. Do it for you. Believe it. Believe that you can move on. Really drop the rope.
You are 100% right. It wouldn't be satisfying if she stayed with you while she was not in love with you. It wouldn't be satisfying if you tricked her, or shocked her, into being with you.
When she comes back, when she can say ILY to your face and really mean it, you will feel so elated, you'll know that it's what you're really hoping for. But you can't get there until you really drop the rope.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
IMHO, don't think too much about MLC. She's not nearly as crazy as what I've read over there. This is as good as place as any for you to post. SOME people on the MLC thread forget that it doesn't matter if it's MLC, an affair or anything else. You still got to do the right steps. GAL, PMA, don't initiate R talk, all that good stuff.
Man, that's good and simple - do what works, stop doing what doesn't. Harder to put into practive, but you can do it MM.
I talked to 2 different DB coaches. I got some good advice. I recommend you listen to her and really try to do what she says.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
Yep, I will, LN. I am dropping the rope for real...I think it will surprise her, but I have to do this to keep my sanity. I am not ready to move on quite yet, but I am ready to let her move on.
Who knows what will happen? Certainly not me.
She said last night "I wish I had a crystal ball". So she is still slightly unsure of what she wants. But I told her she's free now, to do what she wants with no pressure from me.
I do feel bad for her, she must be going through hell too.
Hey, about dating. Ask you DB coach about that. My guess is the right answer is to say No, i'm not and won't be dating. I'm married, or Yes, but only my wife, something like that.
One of the things I think lead to my wife coming back is that she felt safe with me. She felt safe that I wouldn't hurt her by fooling around (again), by making her pay for what she did (forgiveness)and that I would be there for her.
Hope yoga was good and mind refreshing.
See MM, she's not gone yet. I would bet she won't go. She really just needs the time and space to figure stuff out herself. She needs you to be strong and patient. It's so d@mn hard to do, 'cause you're hurting, but you can do it, you are doing it.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
I won't be dating anyone. Not until she completely pulls the pin and I am 100% sure she is never coming back. We're not there yet, I don't think so anyway...
BTW, at the end of the first phone call, she said "I love you". I said it back to her. What's up with THAT?
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
It would be nice if there was some consistency, but that ain't the name of this game.
A couple of weeks ago, I bought concert tickets and 2 nights in a hotel in a different city for our 28th anniversary next month. That was during the time when things were looking up. I told her tonight I was going to get a refund and cancel the hotel. Her reaction?
Just thought of this. LN, you said your W came back because she felt "safe" with you.
I think my W would feel safe right now, knowing there was no R pressure. I don't want her to think there will be unrelenting pressure from me every time we interact.
That goes into the "what isn't working" column.
Once again, I won't be dating. I just want her to know that what she told me the other night was heard by me, and that I have detached.
To this point, I have communicated to her that I am waiting for her, and would continue to do so. Didn't work. So now, this is different, unexpected behavior. Maybe it will do nothing, but maybe it will get her thinking....
