peace, Thanks. We have been physically close for most of the S. Even then, this is the FIRST time he has ever outright offered to give me a back massage. And he really did put good effort into it. It was obvious to me that he did it lovingly.
It wasn't always this way. My H tried very hard to stay away from me for the first few months, even though I could tell it was hurting him to stay away.
Your H isn't himself now. Otherwise, he won't be the way he is now. It seems he's having a rough time and is not happy anyway. He's probably not seeing things clearly so I hope you don't take his distancing personally. It's hard not to because it's just natural (at least for me) to wonder if it's our fault when our H treats us badly.
This is definitely a great start to your vacation with your H agreeing to take care of the dog. You seem to be interacting very well lately and I am so happy to hear this.
Thanks for being happy for me because it means so much to have support through good AND bad times. My H seems to be really trying to help.
I forgot to mention this: I left a couple of wedding anniversary cards and a "heart" note (all from him to me before the S) on my dresser for a few months now. But I have something (packaging for something else) on top of the cards so the cards are not in plain view. Anyway, he picked up the packaging and said something about the packaging. This is at least the SECOND time he's done this - make a comment about the packaging. It seems to me he was checking to see if the anniversary cards were still on the dresser.
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It's interesting that he's thinking of renewing his passport. Did you ask him if he was planning on going away? That could've been your cue to suggesting a trip together one day. You can still do that next time.
No, I didn't ask. I simply commented that I didn't know his passport had expired. Great suggestion to suggest a trip together, by the way... After he left, I thought about it and realized that I could have asked him if he'd be interested in going on a cruise sometime. Lost opportunity - but not to worry. There will be others, I am sure. I am thinking of sending him a postcard.
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Have a great time as I'm sure you will. OMG, walks along the beach are so relaxing and that is what I did everyday when I went too. I walked one hour one way and of course, you have to come back. It helps to walk off all the great food you're going to have.
That's the plan. My H asked me what I'd be doing and what I would love most to do there - my response walk on the beach. He smiled and said "I should have known". Have a great weekend and birthday.
From this thread it seems as if you have had several positive responses from your H. Has your H ever said that he didn't love you anymore? During our 1st seperation I didn't feel as if I loved or was attracted to my husband, but I learned different. I never told him this. Now he is having the same feelings for me.
Thx!
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Has your H ever said that he didn't love you anymore?
He has never said this. For 6 months after the S, he would say "I do you you" from time to time. At 1 year post-S, he mumbled "Love you" at the end of a phone call or so I thought I heard. I don't think I misheard because I wasn't even expecting to hear it.
Actuall, I have been thinking lately that I should say it. I haven't been saying ILY in a long while. I said it a few times around the time he said "Love you" in that above-mentioned phone call.
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During our 1st seperation I didn't feel as if I loved or was attracted to my husband, but I learned different. I never told him this. Now he is having the same feelings for me.
Do you think there is OW? Even if he said he doesn't love you or is not attracted to you, it's very possible he's going through what you wnet through during that 1st S. It will take time for him to realize what you realized. Guess what, I think you have an advantage in having gone thorugh what you did. It can help you figure out what is going through his mind in order to help you come up with good solution approaches.
I know for a fact that he had at least one EA and continues to flirt with everyone and anyone. I feel this has really clouded his view of me. I know that I can't compete with that, but trying to make myself the more attractive choice doesn't seem to be slowing down the flirting in the least. The hardest thing about this process is coming up with new ideas when something isn't working. Sorry I feel like I hijacked your thread. I did post a question along these lines to you and anyone else who feels moved to answer.
Your doing great. I am very happy for you!
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I know for a fact that he had at least one EA and continues to flirt with everyone and anyone. I feel this has really clouded his view of me. I know that I can't compete with that, but trying to make myself the more attractive choice doesn't seem to be slowing down the flirting in the least. The hardest thing about this process is coming up with new ideas when something isn't working.
The ideas will come as you work on this more and more. It got easier for me as the DBing became part of me, and a big part of it for me is the Christian faith and consistent praying, and letting go while asking God for guidance, and asking Him to work on my H, and listening for the guidance.
I responded to your question (on your thread). Thanks for being happy for me. It's been worth all the work I have put and am still putting into my R.
My H just left after bringing back our dog. He seemed to be in a good mood and yet not. I got us some takeout because I knew he'd be hungry. He really enjoyed the dinner and asked me about my trip. I was very upbeat, and tried to be.
H: Do you prefer a cruise or this trip? Me: Both - they're different. (Me wondering: Was he hinting about going on a cruise with me? Or was he feeling left out? Was he figuring out whether I'd be interested in ever going on a cruise with him?) Maybe I was too upbeat because he announced he needed to leave to pack his bag for his business trip. His flight is at noon tomorrow but he seemed in a big hurry to leave.
It was like he was avoiding me. I gave him a shoulder massage. He was kind of affectionate while I rubbed his back but no intimacy this time. I am not sure whether he was mad at me for going away without him and having such a good time. Whether he was jealous about not being there. He did look a little tired and I know he's extremely busy at work.
Halfway during our conversation (as I rubbed his back), H: If I went with you on the trip, there's no way I could have walked 2.5 hours each day with you. Me: We would have taken breaks and stopped. H: No, my feet would not have managed that. Me: You could wear shoes. Lots of people wore shoes and ran or walked on the beach. H: I guess Me: My sisters have already book the trip to Hawaii in April H: You should go. (Me thinking: Is this the time to ask him to join us in Hawaii? Would he say "No" because of my sisters? I didn't ask him then because I felt he'd probably turn me down. Maybe I'll ask him later in an email. At least he can go there without a passport.)
From what he said about his business trip, it doesn't sound like he's looking forward to it. When he walked out the door, he said something like "I think I'll have as good a time at <> as you did on your trip". Was he feeling left out or mad at me for having a good time without him. I did mention that I got some attention so maybe he was jealous. But usually when he's been jealous, he'd want to ML. But not this time. I can't help waondering if he's distancing again on purpose. But then again, as he left, he also called me "Hon". He gave me a goodbye hug, no kiss. As I opened the door I reached up to kiss him and he let me kiss willingly. I don't know... but I did feel rejected and hurt.
After my H left, I checked my pile of mail. And was very pleasantly surprised that my stepsons finally mailed me something - the first time I ever got something from them in the mail! They sent me: 1) their belated Christmas present to me - a Rottweiler memo pad and a Rottweiler Christmas ornament. They were supposed to have brought them up at Christmas but for some reason could find it before they left to go home. 2) belated Chrsitmas card 3) card about their new kitty 4) a stack of photos - one was of SS#1 getting a prize for his school project I also got an email from SS#1 - he sent the same email to my H as well - which I found out when my H and I "compared notes" about SS#1 during dinner last night.
It is so nice seeing our dog again. And my H really enjoyed taking care of her. I know it was hard for him walking her in the bitter cold last week. He mentione dthat I got lucky coming back to the warmer weather (compared to last week). I am going to send him a Thank You card but haven't figured out the words yet and whether to invite him to an Easter concert.
