Partner left after 9 years - now we're friends??

[RefuseToLose]

Ali,

I have to agree w/ everyone here... you are succeeding. Your DB efforts are paying off. He may come back to you or he may not, however, you are changing you and he is noticing. That is all you can ask for is that he is willing to take a look at the Ali you are and are evolving into. Other than that, you can't force him to act in any way whatsoever.

Keep the positives going, use us to vent when you are frustrated, and continue to work on making Ali happy.

As a side note, if you have the time, could I send you the dates of my W and I and have you read them for me? I don't want to burden you w/ stuff, but I'm very curious to hear what the astrological world would say about me, her, and us.

My e-mail is [e-mail] if you are interested.

RTL

[AliSuddenly]

Hi RTL! Thats fine, I am amassing an astrological research base here! There are a few people who seem to have "cosmic marriages", which is interesting. I have to say though, its hard to do anything more than a cursory glance as it takes hours to read the charts and interpret and draw conclusions..I can do it for me, my BF, my sister etc, becuase I spend hours looking at it ! I know the charts and the sitchs intimately enough to draw conclusions. Its harder with strangers. But like Darboyd, I can give you some general pointers! I love astrology, its nuts, it makes no logical sense, I cant explain it, yet I DID sit in bed with my BF a few years back (in 2004?) and tell him that something major was going to happen around the eclipse in September 2007...we would either split up or get married (I feared the former, he offered for us to do the latter).
Anyway...

Thank you, really, I know I keep moaning in the past few days (week !?) and some people must read all this and think, what does she have to moan about !?? But I feel this tremendous pressure building up..its like I am rushing toward something, a cliff, or the edge of a huge waterfall... I can sense this feeling of urgency and then there will be a tumultous time, and then...I will be floating downstream hanging onto a log :-)

I am stressed that my tenants were yelling and threatening me with sueing me for harrassment...now I know how all you M people feel being hit by L action in your Ds, with unfair allegations about your kids and stuff...its so stressful !!! I havent harrassed them at all, they tell me stuff needs fixing, I arrange times/dates to go fix stuff, I go do it...then they say they are not having a right to "quiet enjoyment". They're mad ! I even bought and installed a washing machine for them, becuase they demanded one !

I have been rereading my BF latest emails to me (phew, theres so many !) we have had a glut of contact, thats for sure. I feel like an ungrateful brat moaning that its not the right TYPE of contact, I am well aware that there are many here that would be everso grateful for what he has given me lately. Its just that I dont believe he is confused...well, I suppose he could be by me, it is wierd that he keeps asking "are you ok" or "hope you are ok?" he keeps asking ! And I never tell him, until today.

I was feeling a bit green earlier that he will get 100k if he sells the house...then I remembered, hes only got that becuase he inherited it when his Dad died. So yes, he'll make a 100k, but he hasnt got a Dad anymore. So I feel guilty for thinking that.

BUT..who knows how things could've been different if we'd sold when it was originally on the market? We wouldnt have had all these financial worries, it wouldnt have been so stressful, we could've gone round the world! Oh the ifs and buts and regrets drive you nuts right, if you let them!

I'm not sure whether to reply in the morning to his "erm, good luck!"...tell him that I had to call the Police and didnt do the viewing, but say some more positive things too !? Hmm..is getting a bit dangerous, I think I have got to that thing I have heard others speak of...I am in danger of backsliding !

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Ali))))))
The sense of urgency you are feeling is being created by you! You can choose to let it push down on you, or you can live Ali's life, and it will float away!

It sounds like the tenants are, in the words of someone famous, mad as bicycles! I don't think they are going to be able to do anything but make you miserable, but only if you let them. What did the police say today?

Don't question past decisions, except to learn from them. You did what you thought was best, with the information you knew at the time. It isn't fair to question that based on what you know now!

On this confusion, or lack thereof. There is no way for you to know. You only get to see what he shows you. He may not be confused. He may KNOW he wants to come back, but have no idea how to do it. He may wonder, and be trying to figure out how to find out. I don't think he KNOWS that he doesn't, there just would not be so much contact.

I don't think you are looking at a backslide, just don't talk about your relationship! You can talk about you, or him, just not together!

[AliSuddenly]

Well, you could have a point Jeff..I am CHOOSING to get worked up in this way and have expectations of change.. but the sense of urgency and pressure is also...coming from Uranus...getting very close to my Sun ! (and also to THE sun in the sky, so bit full on for all of us). This for me is a once every 84 year event, so I better make the most of it ! :-) Theres a storm blowing in... The glyph for Uranus is a planet with a TV aerial on top..its about static and electricity and is represented symbolically by the lightening flash. Its the planet of change, disruption, chaos, upheaval, invention, innovation, eccentricity, lightbulb moments, excitement and... divorce ! I'm expecting SOMETHING to happen soon.

The last time I had a major Uranus transit...the very day it went over my Venus (not my Sun).. I was sat in a car with the OM. There was a storm outside, it was pouring with rain. We had been just friends for a year...then, sat there in the rain he said to me and his very words were (I swear this is true).. "the atmosphere, its electric".. and then kissed me ! It was all over within a fortnight and then I had 2 years of guilt. I predicted it too.. I printed the charts off a fortnight before and I knew it would happen, but I didnt know it would be so dramatic. I'm beginning to think I am some kind of witch and should be dunked in a duck pond with a carrot tied to my nose ;-)

So I'm just saying, Uranus...planet of change !

[RefuseToLose]

Ali,

Keep on whining and complaining to us here. This is why we are here -- for each other. We are here to be the sounding boards for each other's anger, fears, hopes, dreams, actions, words, and tears. This is why this community exists, so don't apologize to us.

You are giving us wonderful things as well, so don't forget that end either.

As for your witch possibilities, does that mean you would float if we tied a rock to your feet and threw you in the ocean?

RTL

[Virtually_Handsome]

Let's see, if she floats, she a witch, so we have to burn her, right? And if she sinks, well, she wasn't a witch, so it's all good!

(((((Ali)))))
Remember that astrology (if you believe it) may influence you, but it doesn't control you! You don't have to reach a decision because Uranus is ina certain point in the sky! You can reacha decision when YOU are darned good and ready!

You can influence what happens, too! If you think something big is going to happen, you can force it! Might not be what you want though.

I was going to say this earlier, but thought I shoudl wait, but maybe now is the time. I don't remember your age exactly, and I'm too lazy to look, I want to say mid 30's. You are single, and you see having kids in your future. Bher there is a clock ticking. You have been in a long term relationship, that you thought was going to lead to those kids. Now, it has, at least for now, fallen apart, and you are probably questioning everthing. You start doing the math, and you are thinking, "this has to work pretty soon, or I'm not going to have time to start from scratch with someone else!" So, maybe that's where the sense of urgency is coming from. And that seems pretty rational to me. Just knowing it is there may help you to control it. And, if it is there, it might mean that at some point you do have to push harder for a resolution than you might want to. One Day has a similar situation. Where the "DB" solution might be to wait it out, it might not be a real option for you.

[AliSuddenly]

hey Jeff.. you are very perceptive ! When you say "You can influence what happens, too! If you think something big is going to happen, you can force it! Might not be what you want though."

Thats true. But thats what I meant, I am an intuitive person and I can sense that there are conditions coming up where something is going to shift...and I have a choice how I handle that and I am sensing that I want to force it to some extent as I have been more brave and honest and NORMAL on my emails with him. So far, he responds in teh same tone, but its all a bit...bland ??

And also, about the age and babies thing...spot on ! Exactly my thinking! I've known him 12 years and we were together 9, he was my Mr Right and as I am 37 (!!) next week, no, I dont relish going out to find another LTR, neverlone one where they could possibly father children with me within the first year of the R! What a nightmare! I was mad at him for doing this to me. I hate that I am now a classic "Bridget Jones", I never wanted to be in this position.

Having said that though, its more important to get my BF back than to be single and start looking for another BF, despite the possibility of never being able to have kids if I leave it too long. When I think about this stuff, I get a bit depressed, as I feel a bit old and annoyed at myself for complacently drifting along assuming we would have kids "one day" as we discussed.

..his last email to me tonight said "erm, good luck!" - for the viewing...that was all. I'm thinking, maybe I shouldnt reply to that (as it was only 3 words long !!!) tommorow? Just leave it? See if he initiates contact with me? We had none on Monday and it was me that initiated contact Tuesday which started off this latest run of emails. Maybe I should stop? See what he does???

I can wait it out till the summer, as I am in love with him still anyway, so realistically, I'm not emotionally available to meet anyone else !

Ali
______________
Me: 36 (37 soon !)
H: 34
T: 9 years
ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07
Own apartment: 26 Jan 08

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Ali))))))
I'd let the email go for now. We'll see what happens! Sometime soon, maybe you can throw something in to try to get a clue as to what he sees in the future. For now, let's see if he might give that up without you pushing!

You are right, since you aren't in a place where you'd start a new relationship now, you can wait. I think things will be much clearer in a few months.

Hang in there Ali! You'll get through this! And you are not old yet!

[Colin21]

Ali,
Have been reading your thread 4 a while. Obviously you are "big into Astrology" but sometimes the answer doesn`t come from the "stars" it comes from you. We all make our own destiny. All of us here have done our share of reading horoscopes etc. I spent many hours reading Tarot Cards it`s all pointless.
If it brings you comfort then by all means use it(it`s a form of therapy- a comforter) However in the end it`s down to you and me. Fate, destiny,whatever has given us all this set of circumstances, how we deal with them and how we respond is the answer. We are all guilty of over analysing(myself included)but QUESTION how can we possibly understand someone who is insane(even if only temporarily)when we ourselves are sane.
ANSWER. We can`t
Like you and me and everyone else we have to make the best of what we have and the best you have is you(you will never let yourself down)even if everyone else in the world does. Keep your chin up.
Hope the weather in Cornwall is good BTW Darwen, not Darwin is a little town in Lancashire.(One of Bombs questions to you) Call yourself a Brit?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Colin...a Lurker ! Thanks for your message. I think you're right...the problem is, I am a trained Astrologer! I did years of lessons ! So, its not necessarily a comfort to me, I cant help looking..but unlike all those rubbish "sun sign" columns, I can read the actual charts and it can actually be discouraging rather than a comfort. Oh and its true about destiny, you dont get that great job/love affair/change forecast in the stars if you decide to stay in the house all month and not "participate in the measurement" as we astrologers say.

I just miss him. I know I keep saying it, but I do. WHY DOESNT HE MISS ME !!??? Sorry for shouting :-)

Ali