Fish, I like your optimism, but getting the WAS home is nto the end of the drama.
I think Mink has to be the rock, forever.
He has to be solid, for the duration. She'll come home and they'll have good times. And then she may have second thoughts, doubts. She may get skittish. It's natural. Mink needs to stay solid for a long time. He's THE MAN, though, he can do it.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Oh, I will be the ROCK, make no mistake We are this close - no way I am going to do anything to screw it up.
Last night when we were getting ready to leave our apt to go to her place, then out for dinner, I said, "so do I pack a bag?" (thinking I might stay over). She said, "I feel awful saying this because I don't want you to take it the wrong way...but I really just want to crash after dinner, then sleep late" (she has had a horrible chest cold since mid-Dec and it has knocked the stuffing out of her). I said "no problem, there's no wrong way to take that...I want you to get better, so sleep is what you need".
We did the dinner, had an absolutely wonderful time, then I dropped her off, we both said ILY and she got out of the car. She stopped halfway to her door, turned around, smiled and waved. So sweet.
This morning she sent me an email:
Quote:
Slept thru to 6:15, felt good but am still a bit tired.
My reserves aren't back to where I'd like to see them....
Guessing that will take a bit of time. Thanks for understanding last night. I'll be in bed early tonite and hoping that tomorrow I'll feel perkier.
So, she appreciated my not pushing her on staying over. The way I see it, after the middle of March, we'll be sleeping together for the next 30 years....so what's one lousy night?
There ya go! This will take time, Mink. You know it will. It may take even longer than you want. But you are patient, you know what you want, you know what you need to do.
YES!
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Listen.. you and I are in similar spots and you need to play it cool. Stop suggesting the little slumber parties. If she wants you to sleep over she will ask.
I learned from Jody today that we are in STAGE 2 - FRIENDSHIP. If we are cool and play it right, we will make it to STAGE 3 - ROMANCE. That's the promised land baby. That's where all of the action starts.
HOWEVER - If we play it wrong, we risk a trip back to STAGE 1 - ANGER.
After months of pain and hard work do not risk going back to STAGE 1.
We are going to rise from this sh*t like a phoenix!
She's in a BAD mood today...having a bad day at work. I talked to her this morning and she wasn't too talkative. Of course my insecure mind thinks it's all about me
But she is the type that places a lot of her identity in her career - which is fine, it gives her a lot to strive for - but when things are going well at work, life is good. When things are not going well at work, she can tend to project that onto her life.
I can't see her tonight due to my yoga class. I can't see her Wednesday, our daughter is coming over to visit me. I invited her out for a glass of wine Thursday, but she declined, she is going to the Art Gallery with her girlfriend. Maybe Friday we'll catch up!
I'm thinking about not suggesting anything for this coming weekend, to give her some space and freedom. Why? Well, next wknd is her birthday, I'm taking her out to dinner and we're staying overnight in a nice hotel. The following wknd is when she is thinking of moving back home. So this is really her last alone weekend in 'her' place.
My feeling is that she may panic a bit and push the move back a week to Easter.
On a more positive note, we had a nice phone call last night, we discussed selling our place and buying a new one. She seems quite enthused about it. I'm all over it as well.
But - we shall see. I'm keeping my PMA as best I can, but it is up and down!
Why is it that we can't hang onto positive thoughts as easily as negative ones?
Those negative thought keep sneaking in. I am battling them myself.
Keep that PMA man. Just think of a few of your favorate things. There are a lot of people in this world in a lot worse shape then you. Be thankful brother. Your doin spectacular and i wish I was where you are.
She told me to lighten up just a little...she is feeling smothered. That is a BAD word. I will totally back off. Wow, it's amazing how little it takes to make them skittish.
She was nice, she just said "it's such a big change for you - just let the pendulum swing back a bit".
I was fine, I said "thank you for telling me before I made a complete fool of myself! It's OK, I'm not hurt, I really appreciate it!"
I think that reinforced to her once again, that she can say ANYTHING to me and I won't sulk or shut down...I can and will communicate. It was an opportunity for me to take the high road.
Hopefully just dodged a bullet.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
