Wife has filed, what do I do ?

[fooled again]

Mike,

Any word on your W going to dinner w/ you? Too bad about the bowling, but that'll come back too.

The dog is 1.5 yrs old & needs a new home (owners are moving). She has a lot of puppy still in her, but no housebreaking necessary (yippee). She's big - close to 70 lbs. I know very little about Golden Retrievers or about dogs for that matter. She's lovely, but does have a couple of training issues that need to be addressed. I was thinking of getting her a kennel - thought it might make her feel safe. Thanks for the tip.

I was thinking about MLC & what you said about a traumatic event triggering it. My H's nephew was killed about 1 yr before his A started. They were very close, H was like big brother to him. I had figured out awhile ago that my H was having problems dealing with that, & I guess he shut down, b/c afterwards I was never able to reach him - he was angry all the time. What books have you read on MLC?

FA

[micoms]

fooled,

Called W last night, a friend of ours died of a massive heart attack Thursday night. My W and his W were girl scout leaders together for D19. W ran into him while shopping and talked to him for a while Thursday morning while shopping. Asked W about dinner last night, couldn't last night. Said she might be babysitting GS while D24 and BF go out tonight. Maybe I'll stop over D24's house to talk to her about the Dr. Phil thing and maybe Retrouvaille.

Try to find some obedience classes you can go to. It's more for you the your dog. When we got our lab W wanted me to take Cammie to classes, I told her she needed to be the one, I knew how to handle a dog and she needed to learn. First class trainer told her the same thing, so she did a lot of the training with our dog.

Dr has a chapter on MLC. I've also read Women in Midlife Crisis by Jim and Sally Conway, as well as resources on the net. There's some good info in the MLC section of bb. From what I've read it usually hits a woman when her youngest child is between 16 to 18 and especially if the youngest is a daughter. W denies having a MLC even though she said it in MC she thought she was. C said she is and tried to get me to remember if W ever talked about a traumatic event that happened to her in childhood or teenage years. I can't remember anything. Seems to think she has a repressed event that is starting to come forward. I need to talk to her aunt or sister about that.

Mike

[grid, lost]

The dog is 1.5 yrs old & needs a new home (owners are moving). She has a lot of puppy still in her, but no housebreaking necessary (yippee). She's big - close to 70 lbs. I know very little about Golden Retrievers or about dogs for that matter. She's lovely, but does have a couple of training issues that need to be addressed

.
fooled,
hi, reading your post for a couple days now. Wish to offer, if need any suggestions for working with your new dog I'd be happy to help you. I do a lot of dog training, etc. Mike can fill you in a bit as we have been posting for each other. Mike and his postings have helped me so much!
anyway, keep posting and if need any doggie input I'm here is you wish.
grid, lost

[fooled again]

grid,

Thanks for your note and I appreciate your offer.

Yeah, Mike is great and has good advice, and good recipes too (I'll bet he has many more up his sleeve that he's just waiting to share!!) And he has me looking at my H in a different light than just a lying cheating bast*rd, that maybe the real issue is MLC and/or depression. There seem to be some consistent behaviors.

My D is ecstatic about the dog b/c she has been begging (literally) for one for years. This one kindof dropped in my lap, so I decided to make this decision myself and bring her into our lives. I know having a dog will help my D when she is feeling sad, confused and powerless over my H & I's sitch. My H is appears to want to be involved w/ the dog too, so I don't know if that is a good sign, or not worth analyzing at this point (fantasy family vs. fantasy affair?).

Back to the dog. My biggest issue is getting her to come when she doesn't want to, and b/c she's so big (about 70lbs), I simply cannot use brute strength (I'm about 120lbs). She's not ours yet - we are in transition from her other family, so I'm not expecting much as it's our first w/e with her, but I can see that this is a huge safety issue and the first thing I need to address.

I'm planning to take her to obedience lessons asap after she comes to live w/ us permanently. I recognize that I need to learn how to handle her properly. I would appreciate any suggestions of books, websites, etc. I have alot to learn about big dogs.

FA

[grid, lost]

All this talk about Pizza, I couldn't take it any longer!!

Just finished off two slices of NY style pizza with extra cheese, real cheese !!! mmmmmmmmmmmm..so good
grid, lost

[fooled again]

We should change this to the Pizza thread! Now you've got me going too.

Tell me grid, what's the difference b/w NY style pizza, Chicago style pizza, and... are there any other "styles" of pizza? I only know thin crust, thick crust, "cheese in the crust" crust, but then again, I'm Canadian.

FA

[grid, lost]

Yeah, Mike is great and has good advice, and good recipes too (I'll bet he has many more up his sleeve that he's just waiting to share!!) And he has me looking at my H in a different light

Mike is the best and he has helped me out so many times I've stopped counting. Mike is my sounding board in regards to my WAH. As a guy he has been excellent help in seeing an issue from a guys point of view. This has really helped me. Most of all his input helps me in my stitch with my frustration whih can to quickly lend itself to anger. I am learning about anger these days, too. I sure Mike has many more goodie recipes, lol. Mike we are all waiting. BRB dogs are into something I can hear them! .... back..all is clear. lol

My D is ecstatic about the dog b/c she has been begging (literally) for one for years. This one kindof dropped in my lap, so I decided to make this decision myself and bring her into our lives. I know having a dog will help my D when she is feeling sad, confused and powerless over my H & I's sitch. My H is appears to want to be involved w/ the dog too, so I don't know if that is a good sign,

Good for you MOM! Thank you for saving this dog a trip to an animal shelter.
I can only imagine how ecstatic your daughter is over her new dog! I being a person who has Always had a black dog following me where ever I've gone since age 10 months. Believe me I can relate to how happy your daughter is. thank you mom and mom, you are so correct, daughter's new best bud will bring much comfort and security into her life, more than you can imagine. Soon you will not be able to keep them apart.!
First, before issues, like to add couple thoughts. Teach your daughter to give treats to her dog from palm of her hand not from her fingers. This helps to force dog to slow down and to not snatch treats from her hand. Also helps assure fingers are do not accidentally become part of treat. Teach your daughter to Not stare into her dog's eyes or face. Please note I'm saying "stare" not look. Staring into a dog's eyes can some times be mistaken as a challenge to fight. Have you ever been around two dogs as they go into a fight? First they stare each other down. Wolfs do this in wild and is where this eye game comes from. A child is eye to eye with most dogs. So staring into a dog's eyes can sometimes be unnerving to a dog. Another thing, watch and be sure the dog is ok with others being around them and their food dish while they eat. Try the following for Positive reinforcement and to increase a dog's comfort level when there is food in their dish. With a dish of food on floor and dog eating Bend down and add a few bites of a dog's favorite treat. Say couple pieces of chicken or steak, cheese what ever they like and praise and praise more!!. Do this only if the dog is being friendly and not defensive of his dish.


(fantasy family vs. fantasy affair?).[/quote] LOL I like that! Very good line. Might add, rather impossible for H to be training this dog if he does not live in household. Maybe you and daughter should train your dog first and then H can start working with the three of you. Other wise I would think dog become quite confused.

Back to the dog. My biggest issue is getting her to come when she doesn't want to, and b/c she's so big (about 70lbs), I simply cannot use brute strength (I'm about 120lbs). She's not ours yet - we are in transition from her other family, so I'm not expecting much as it's our first w/e with her, but I can see that this is a huge safety issue and the first thing I need to address.

Correc Correct, the come command is all about a safety issue and can save a dog's life. OOPs, teach your dog to wait at door and not to go through till you release him to go through. IE: Wait, you step through door and then tell dog, ok now. Dog comes through dooor. This is another good safety command.
Come command, remember,dog is = to a two year old child. short attention span and only live in the moment. That is why punishing a dog a few minutes after doing something wrong does not work. All the dog knows is you are mad and has no idea why.
Come, most dogs go away from us for two reasons, first "leader of pack" (another topic) and second, what is in front of their nose is sooooooooo much more interesting than you are. that simple. usually start teaching a come command on leash. dog moves to end of leash call him, and reward, food and voice. Use something like a small piece of cheese as reward. In house, if dog is laying at the other end of room, call him to you and have a piece of cheese in your hand, reward. Carry little treats with you and when dog is not paying any attention to you call his name and come, dog comes reward. You may at first have to squat down to dog's level first few times to invite him to come to you. When ever where ever the dog comes to you make a big fuss over him, give him a food reward as well, use a squeaky voice (dogs love squeaky toys!) yes, make a fool of yourself. Notice how well the dog responds to your squeaky voice.
What leash to use for training and where to find oneNow if you check in a store like Agway, Petsmart, Tractor Supply, not Petco, maybe able to find cotton leashes, 6ft, 10ft and 20-25ft. Use these for training, as the nylon leads can really burn your hand if dog pulls quickly. Or use leather leash.

I'm planning to take her to obedience lessons asap after she comes to live w/ us permanently. I recognize that I need to learn how to handle her properly. I would appreciate any suggestions of books, websites, etc. I have alot to learn about big dogs.

Very good. Both will enjoy, training only takes 10-15 minutes a day, no longer. You will meet new people, have lots of laughs, and be so proud of your dog and self.
Books, let me check on titles for you and get back to you.
Here is one that is short, basic and fully explains training and pack behavior. Title: Choice to Heel. sorry, I Have to look up author.
Ok, well FA, you can see I can go on and on when comes to dogs. If you like feel free to email me privately, email me at: [e-mail]
or I an post here if you wish.
hope this helps, now why am I on these boards??? is it something to do with H??? Do doggie training posts count as GAL?? LOL
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid, fooled,

Just got home from S26's house. Watched one of my favorite football teams play tonight. Who ever plays Pittsburg!!!

You guys are too kind. Just wish I had some advice for myself for my sitch. Will see W tomorrow at friends funeral, tried to call her to see what time I could meet her, no answer. Probably was sleeping as she always is. Will talk to her afterwards about Dr Phil. Would also like to discuss possibility of Retrouvaille.

That was one of the issues in our M, I felt ignored, her job was more important than me and I withdrew. She on the other hand thought I spent too much time at the soccer fields. When refereeing games I would be home usually by 5pm. She even came up a couple of times, I guess to see if I was running around with someone. Every time I was either still doing a game or just finished. A lot of the people at the soccer club she knows, it's the athletic association of our church.

Rewards is excellent training, to punish your dog you have to catch it in the act. My dog gets into the trash sometimes, if I catch her in it I make her sit by the garbage can and look at it for a while, kind of like standing in the corner, lol. I agree come is important to learn. Other commands that get her attention Cammie (her name) snack, just bring it (she'll go get her ball)and park it. Use this one to get her to sit at the door while putting on her leash before going outside. Be sure to get your dog toys to play with, try to avoid old socks for tug of war, she won't know the difference between that old sock and a brand new one. Also I use a collar that has a plastic snap on it, if collar gets hung up on something plastic can break before injury.

LOL, I was the soup and sauce man around the house. Make a chicken and homemade egg noodle soup you can eat off of a plate, Potato soup that I add hamburger, bacon or ham to, and a beef barley soup. Man you got me hungry for some of this stuff now. I also make a taco meatloaf the kids love also, except D19, she's a vegetarian. Along the way I made a lot of stuff that didn't turn out to get the good ones down right.

Well tomorrow won't be a fun day, but I'll get through it.

Mike

[micoms]

Grid, fooled,

Just got home from S26's house. Watched one of my favorite football teams play tonight. Who ever plays Pittsburg!!!

You guys are too kind,I think I'm blushing. Glad I have been a help. Just wish I had some advice for myself for my sitch. Will see W tomorrow at friends funeral, tried to call her to see what time I could meet her, no answer. Probably was sleeping as she always is. She of course has to work, in at 4AM. Will talk to her afterwards about Dr Phil. Would also like to discuss possibility of Retrouvaille.

That was one of the issues in our M, I felt ignored, her job was more important than me and I withdrew. She on the other hand thought I spent too much time at the soccer fields. When refereeing games I would be home usually by 5pm. She even came up a couple of times, I guess to see if I was running around with someone. Every time I was either still doing a game or just finished. A lot of the people at the soccer club she knows, it's the athletic association of our church.

Rewards is excellent training, to punish your dog you have to catch it in the act. My dog gets into the trash sometimes, if I catch her in it I make her sit by the garbage can and look at it for a while, kind of like standing in the corner, lol. I agree come is important to learn. Other commands that get her attention Cammie (her name) snack, just bring it (she'll go get her ball)and park it. Use this one to get her to sit at the door while putting on her leash before going outside. Be sure to get your dog toys to play with, try to avoid old socks for tug of war, she won't know the difference between that old sock and a brand new one. Also I use a collar that has a plastic snap on it, if collar gets hung up on something plastic can break before injury.

LOL, I was the soup and sauce man around the house. Make a chicken and homemade egg noodle soup you can eat off of a plate, Potato soup that I add hamburger, bacon or ham to, and a beef barley soup. Man you got me hungry for some of this stuff now. I also make a taco meatloaf the kids love also, except D19, she's a vegetarian. Along the way I made a lot of stuff that didn't turn out to get the good ones down right.

Well tomorrow won't be a fun day, but I'll get through it.

Mike

[micoms]

Went to a friends funeral with W and D19. His W and mine were girl scout leaders together. He was a boy scout leader and I saw a lot of leaders from when I was involved in boy scouts. Got some strange looks when we shook hands, scouts shake with the left hand. We waited in line 2 hours for visitation, the line was just as long when we left.

w was pleasant but in the crowd couldn't talk about DR Phil, will call her tomorrow. Need to give her new prescription card also. first court date for property settlement is Wed, what a bummer.

Don't want to D but powerless to stop it. Wonder if she's got someone waiting? Just a wicked thought that creeps into my mind. I wonder if it will take her seeing me or hearing from friends that I was seen out with a women to cause her a little jealousy? Don't want to use anybody that way though.

Mike