Wife has filed, what do I do ?

[christarn]

Mike, sounds like you have a good plan for new years eve. When are you cooking pizza? My dad used to cook home made pizza (he past away 4 years ago) it was the bomb!! I'm the only one he showed how to make his home made crust to. I haven't made it in years!

I am going to a friends house, haven't heard from the H, he said he may go to his brother's house in Wisc. for a long weekend. I figure we were together 4 days last week, he needs a little time away from me...make him miss me. His last memory was a good one, and that's what counts!!

take care,Christa

[micoms]

Christa,

I'll do the pizza thing sometime in Jan. I used to make it every sat night until my brother got a job as manager at a pizza place. He'd sell me a pizza cheaper than I could buy the cheese if I made it. Had trouble with the crust at first, but it came around.

Have a Happy New Year.

Mike

[fooled again]

Hi micoms,

Thought I would pop over to your thread to say hello and see how you are doing. I'm thrilled to hear you will be going back to work soon. That will sure help keep your mind off things and make you feel 'useful' again. Homemade pizza was always my thing and we used to do it on NYE. I was planning it for this year as well, since H said he was going to come over. I make my dough from scratch, cut up all the ingredients and then let people make their own creation and we all get a taste.

Christmas for me was tough, but could have been worse. I've had some suspicions that my H has had contact with OW, but of course, no concrete evidence. It started making me crazy but thanks to some good advice from people on my thread, I'm forcing myself to turn away from all that and trying to focus on myself. It's really hard, but it's amazing how much better I feel. It truly is a "State of Mind" that makes all the difference, for me anyway. But watch, in a week, or maybe a few days, I'll be back down again, guaranteed. As long as I can pull myself back up again...

It's good that you will be spending NYE w/ friends and seeing your W is a nice bonus. Sounds like your Christmas turned out to be really nice too - I was so touched reading about the fun you had with your GS2 - baby kisses are the absolute best thing on heaven and on earth. I love my D6 now, she is amazing and smart and funny and we have great talks, but sometimes I miss when she was really little, that pure innocence takes away all the hurt and negativity, at least for a little while. You are so lucky to have so much love around you from these little people.

I wish you a very Happy New Year and may your hopes and dreams come true.

FA

[micoms]

fooled,

Thanks for stopping by. I babysat GS again yesterday , D had to work and her BF had a job interview and had to work afterwards. He had a great time playing with our dog, a lab. He would chase the dog then the dog would chase him around the house.

I think W was involved with OM at one time, but not now. I did all the snooping then, now I see the man I became while doing that and I don't like him. It seems I never found any concrete evidence, I would think she did a good job of hiding things. She is in a MLC, our MC we were seeing thinks so also. MC thinks there was a traumatic experience from her childhood or teenage years that's about to surface.

I had a hard time getting the crust right, but finally got it down. I even make my own sauce from scratch. I also make the sausage for the pizza, start with regular sausage and add spices to it.

Mike

[fooled again]

micoms,

I know what you mean about the person you become while snooping around - I did not like myself either, and it's no wonder my H moved out. I wish I had discovered DB a year ago, then maybe OW wouldn't have been such an attractive alternative. I felt very close to insanity. But I did find evidence, every time, lots of it. I don't know if my H wanted me to find it or if he was just sloppy, but whenever I took that step and started digging, I found what I was looking for.

Unfortunately, the urge to snoop is so strong right now b/c he's being distant. I did so last week and found something suspicious, but not concrete. I could feel myself becoming that person again, confronted him, he denied anything was going on, and now there is more tension b/w us. So it didn't do me any good. But it did make me realize that I absolutely have to make more of an effort to focus on myself and keep my mind off what my H is doing or not doing.

Fun times with your GS. I want to get a dog for my D6 - she has been desperate for one since she was 4, and as an only child, I think it will help her to feel less lonely when she can't see my H, that she has a buddy who is always around. I grew up with a dog and she really was like my buddy and a member of the family. And labs are such a wonderful breed.

Mmmm - I'm thinking about pizza right now. I've made sauce from scratch, but not sausage. Wow! You are a serious pizza man! I usually do good salami or prociutto, but precook it so it's crispy. And precook some of the vegetables (caramelized onions, roasted red peppers, etc.) to bring out the sweetness. Yum-O.

[micoms]

fooled,


I never found anything concrete, but the little things did add up. I asked a friend of hers if she was or did have an A with R, a co-worker. She said she refused to answer, she did in my book by not denying. I know the A was a symptom of our R. W is also in a MLC, A's are common in that. MC thinks she is in mlc also and thinks she had a traumatic incident years ago that's about to resurface. W won't go to C'ing for herself, I wish she would.

It seemed the more I snooped the less I found and the more suspicious I became. I admit I still backslide but I try to not do it. I think if she some how caught me snooping it would be the end of us. She is somewhat paranoid, she claims I have followed her, paid someone to follow or had my brother follow her. None of the above. Told her if someone is following you it must be OM's W.

I always had a dog except when I first got married and lived in an apt. Parents got my first dog when I was 3, had to have him put to sleep when I was 21, it was like loosing a brother. We had a wiener dog that had a seizure and died after we had her 14 years, my mom has her for two before we got her. I think a kid should have a dog, they give you unconditional love.

All this talk of pizza has me getting anxious to make some! In my area there's no truly good pizza, just the national stuff, cheap on cheese and toppings. S25 works near a good place, sometimes he'll bring that home.

Called W, left VM, invited her over on NYD. All the kids are coming over, told her it would be nice to see her with them. She's convinced a D will solve our problems. I got the typical stuff, I deserve a W better than her, I need someone who will give me what she can't... I don't want one but in my state if one party wants a D, nothing the other can do to stop it.

Mike

[fooled again]

Hi Mike,

Yeah, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if alot of our S's have A's b/c of MLC. I think that's what happened with my H, and even mentioned it to him b/f I found out about the A (trying to remember if it was b/f the A even started). Sure, have an A to solve your problems - makes perfect sense. But then I guess MLC is kindof like insanity anyway, from what I understand. I wonder if I'll have one (MLC, that is)? I doubt it - I think all the work I'm doing on myself now will help me avoid one.

And of course, a D solves everything too, doesn't it? I think just about anywhere now, if one S wants a D, the other can't stop it - at least here in Canada. You're wife is right, you do deserve a wonderful W. She just doesn't believe she is that person. Neither does my H. I guess we just have to be their friend and be supportive and let them figure out their issues. More and more I'm starting to "get" that concept and realize that I can't do much about it. I guess that's why it's so important to GAL and work on ourselves when they are confused and/or having an A, or confused about an A.

My H came over yesterday late afternoon, and my D wanted to go out for pizza to our favorite place - real Italian pizza, wood oven and a thin, crispy crust. I couldn't say no since I had pizza on the brain, so I guess I'll make something else tonight for NYE - I'm thinking big, juicy home-made burgers loaded with caramelized onions, sauteed mushroom and dripping with really good cheddar, a side of garlic mashed potatoes and a nice salad - oh and a great bottle of red!! My D6 loves it when I make her mini burgers, just the right size for her little hands.

It was a nice night, though, no tension, just a fun family time. Afterwards we went for gelato and then D went to stay at H's place overnight. H'll be coming over w/ D for NYE; not sure what he's doing NYD. I'm not asking. He stayed overnight Xmas Eve, but I'm not broaching the subject for NYE. I'll just let whatever happens happen.

After the past couple of weeks, I've decided to do a major 180 as one of my NY resolutions. No snooping/spying (I took what you said to heart), no talking about my bad feelings, suspicions, fears, no asking for reassurance that A is over, no initiating talks about the future or him moving back home. I have to concentrate on me b/c worrying about what he's doing is just making me crazy. I just hope I can keep it up.

I hope you have a wonderful New Years! I wish you good luck, good health and good times w/ your kids!

FA

[micoms]

fooled,

Burgers! What time is dinner? How long of a drive from Ohio? Just kidding. That's all the stuff I'm not supposed to have since surgery but a little cheating every once in a while wouldn't hurt. You won't tell on me will you?

I don't think W is seeing anyone now, but in the past she did. Don't know for sure if it was a PA but I think it was. I think that's where she gets that I deserve someone better than her, because of her guilt and shame. She was a very moral person. She recently lost a lot of weight and I think she is enjoying the looks the hounds are giving her. I never noticed she lost weight until she lost about 25 or 30lbs. I told her when I look at you I don't see if you're overweight or skinny, I just see you on the inside, weather you are 5 lbs or 50lbs overweight I don't see it, I just see the inner you.

It's good H is coming to spend NYE with you and D6. You might ask if H wants to spend the night at some point during the evening so he knows there's an open invitation. Would your H be open to a date night once a week with you, get a sitter and just the two of you go out together?

Have fun tonight, don't have too much red wine tonight.

Mike

[fooled again]

Thanks Mike,

You made me smile, and I needed that. Sorry, but I think it's a bit too far of a drive; I'm really bad w/ US geography. Oh, I just looked at a map! WAY too far - you're on the wrong side! Besides, you really need to get healthy and strong. Eat lots of veggies and lean protein (I'm big on good nutrition). There will always be burgers waiting for you when you are able to have them again.

You know, aging is really hard on W. I look very young for my age, but it's still hard. I too lost alot of weight since I found out about the A (like 20lbs) and it does feel good to get that attention from other men. But for me it mainly makes me feel better about myself and reminds me that my H's A was not about me. And it reminds me that the OW has alot to worry about if she thinks H is going to ever lose his attraction to me. What we W's really want is for our H's to notice, to go on and on about how great we look and how much they want us. It's nice to hear you're loved for who you are, but at my age, I NEED to hear that I look good and that I'm still very desirable. Yes, its weak and insecure, but it's a fact when we 40+ women look around and see all those beautiful young things flashing flat tummies & tight as*es. (I won't even talk about big fake b**bs!) Maybe that's why more women are having MLC's (I used to think it was just men - now I know better).

I might just suggest to H that he stay the night after we put D to bed. I'm really trying to do a 180, so I'm not sure. On Xmas day when I asked if he would stay again, he said no and I was upset, didn't cry, but he knew it bothered me. I hate the feeling of being rejected like that. But I suppose I have nothing to lose as long as I can keep my emotions from coming out, stay cool like it doesn't really matter.

He called this aft but I was at the gym (it felt great to work out again - I've been sick with a cold for awhile). I took my time calling him back and sounded upbeat. We talked about tonight. I haven't called him in a couple of days, but my D calls him whenever she wants on her own, and he always wants to talk to me.

We did start going on a couple of dates this month. He seemed a bit distant, but that may have been b/c I paid, since he is not working. He's having a really tough time with that, he is such a proud man and has expensive tastes, and he has lost so much in this mess. So I really don't know what is going on in his head. I may be way off base about the OW, but I just don't want to be blindsided again, so I'm being cautious.

You have a great time tonight too and tomorrow. Oh I can hold by red wine very well, thanks. Besides, it's good for you. I mean me; not you right now. And who knows what it may lead to. Actually I know exactly what it may lead to...

FA

[micoms]

fooled,

My W and I both look young for our ages. I went to a party NYE and talked to some people I had never met before. One guy asked me what I do for a living. I told him and he asked when I started in that business. Told him in 1979, he was shocked he thought I was about 40, I'm 51. Both my W and I have lost a lot of weight. She has lost about 50, I'm approaching 65. I started to lose weight before this sitch started. I started back in last March.

I guess I didn't tell my w how Great she looked, but i's hard to talk to someone who is asleep all the time. She works crazy hours 4AM to 2PM. All she does is work and sleep. MC thinks she is in MLC and the sleeping is due to depression.

I've been working out a little also, doing cardiac rehab, had bypass surgery 10/15. Put in about 10 miles on the bicycles another 2 on the treadmill and a little upper body stuff. Can't believe how weak I've gotten since surgery. Walked out of rehab today and felt great.

Gave W a digital pic frame for Christmas, loaded it with pics of the kids and of family vacas. I'm hoping she sees the pics and realizes that we had a lot more good times than bad.

I'm going to see if she'll let me take her out to dinner one night.

On a bright side I visited Dr Phil's website and e-mailed my sitch in. Got a call tonight from someone on his staff wanting more information. She sent me an e-mail after talking to me and wanted contact information for everyone involved and family pictures. I'd love her to go if they choose us. I'd also like to go to Retrouvaille with her.

Mike