Mark, This is the classic approach I used with my D when she was younger, pick and chose your battles. Of course, your W is not a child! I think most of us would agree that getting a dog at this particular time is not a wise idea!!
She knows it. However, it is a very powerful tool. She was reluctant to oblige when I requested to accompany them to the "dog store." She does not want me to be a party to the dog purchase. She wants me to get no "credit for the gain."
Originally Posted By: JoieDeVivre
Sure, a dog is much cuter but I think your boys are old enough to make a decision that is not influenced by bribery.
Well, #1 is. #2 is not, at least in the near-term. In the long-run he will see through it and resent her for it.
Originally Posted By: JoieDeVivre
As far as the Christmas gift idea ... get her something for the dog. A nice sleeping pad or gift certificate for training or something!
Thanks for the suggestion, but she is currently in front of the sewing machine making a sleeping pad. And training? Well, dog training is really "master training," and we have been through that. She's getting a salon GC. And a cooperative husband. And she will want neither...
Thanks for the input. In spite of the fact that I disagreed with a lot of it, I do appreciate it. I am sorry if I appear grumpy or disagreeable.
I'm glad you saw the light. I worried a little that I might have pissed you off, but I know you are a tough cookie and can take more than what I dish out anyway.
When we got our cat Pookie, my husband said it was the cat or him. All the kids voted for the cat. Meanwhile they're both still here. Families aren't a popularity contest.
I am so glad you are done fighting this. Only because I hate to see you stressed out. If the end result that you still want is an intact family (with wife fully on board, not a 'better than being alone' wife), then you are bowing out gracefully to a battle that you can't win. This is good for your intact family goal. Not because dog = wife happy with Ohio_Mark. But because she will not have more ammunition to use when she sits down the list how horrible you are.
I am sorry you are getting a dog you don't want though. That's not fun.
One of my wife's biggest beefs with me is my tendency to over-react to things. So I knew last night that it was important for my self-development to maintain my composure. And I am glad that I did just that.
Funny, posting the stuff last night was kinda therapeutic. The kids thought I was crazy, going back and forth, upstairs and downstairs. But visiting and posting here worked for me.
its probably for the best...at least letting go. probably the best for you. but I really don't think this dog is going to make your w as happy as she thinks it will. or maybe it will, I guess time will tell.
sometimes its hard to let go...but can feel like a weight off of our shoulders when we finally do it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I am curious though Mark if you two seperate and go into divorce then what happens with the house? Will she be able to afford to stay there? Because then what happens to the dogs? Now of days it is hard to find a place to rent that allows dogs. Maybe as a final word with her calmly before she goes to get it you could mention this.
That is really sad if she feels she needs to buy her children's love. Also if divorce happens couldn't you get joint physical custody then you wouldn't have to pay child support. I am sure a judge would take into consideration that you never wanted this to happen. She cheated then asked for divorce.
We will need to sell the house as neither one of us will be able to afford it on our own. I will likely rent for about a year until I can find a house. She will be in an apartment for a long time (several years or until she remarries).
And yes, I intend to shoot for shared custody. It's becoming the standard arrangement around here in divorce/custody situations (from what I have read). She is going to fight my request for shared custody. She wants sole custody (and the child support money that comes with it).
To her, it's really the same. What I mean is that whether the kids spend four nights a month with me or 14, in her mind, it will have no impact on them. In fact, she considers the divorce to be "impact-neutral" for the kids. They will be OK. She has seen other kids get through a divorce OK, therefore, her kids will as well. So it's really a money grab for her. Never mind my parental rights and responsibilities.
And her cheating on me will have absolutely no bearing upon the divorce or child custody arrangements. The courts here consider infidelity to be completely irrelevant.
I am sorry that things have come to this and you cannot make the SOB pay for playing his part in the whole thing. We have statutes in NC which talk about alienation of affection..does your state have that? Basically makes the 3rd party liable for breaking up the marriage.
In the meantime man...keep looking at those babies and know that they will need you now more than ever. I hope you have a good lawyer and get everything you want out of this.
Prayers and thoughts sent your way man.
mcol Me: 34 Deployed W:32 (EA started Oct 07) S:8 D:3 S:18 mos ILYBNILWY-12/14/07 Request for backdated separation 12/14/07 Top areas to work: 1) Communication 2) Repairing me, focusing on me
