Had session with C today, same C we saw together. I asked her if she thought W was having a MLC, she said she probably was, W didn't have a sense of who she was. I think W lost that when we had problems with D19 then 16.
C said she seen how much I've changed, that I seem to be educated and concerned about what W is going through. I told her I've read several books, on my 8th now. Told her that DB & DR have helped me the most, also told her about online community/support. I told her that after reading DB/DR I saw what she was trying to get us to do in C'ing. She wrote down book and Michelle's names, I told her it would be a great book for spouses to read who are having M problems.
Good to hear from you Christa, sorry you haven't been around because you're busy/sick. I hoped it was because of better news. S just got home, we're putting up Christmas tree tonight. Just got rid of hospital bed, yeah!!!
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
GAL time tonight, first time since surgery 10/15. Waiting for friend to call or will go out with S25. Don't know where to go, we'll find someplace I'm sure. W called to day let it go to VM. Said she wants her extra car keys. D19 called about an hour later said the same thing. I told D19 I didn't have them, they were on windowsill in bedroom, W took them when she came for her clothes while I wasn't home. W said she doesn't have them, but I think I saw them at D24's house(W lives with D24).
Well, put up tree Wed night, found out most ornaments are gone, W came and got them. Time to change locks? Still had old wooden ones from when kids were little, unbreakable kind. Some of other decorations gone also. No money for presents this year due to my surgery, out of work until 1/15/08, so I spent the day baking Christmas cookies, these will be presents for the kids. I'm thinking about getting W a digital picture frame, loading it with pics of kids throughout school years, vacation pics, and pics of us in happier times. I'm afraid she's in the midst of MLC, don't know if this will upset her or make her think.
Don't know if I'll be invited for Christmas Eve with her family or not. Ran into her BIL where he works (at a retail store), he asked what's up with her. Told him MLC, he noticed she dresses differently, like the 20yrso, and she seems depressed. Told him both signs of MLC.
Well gotta get off.
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
micoms, what are the eight books you have read? Well 6 as two are Michelles? grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Women in Midlife Crisis by Jim & Sally Conway Relationship Rescue by Dr Phil Winning Your Wife Back by Gary Smalley How To Get Your Lover Back by Blase Harris Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus by John Gray Just got The Five Love Languages
Went out with S25 last night. Met S26 and his W and friends at a kareoke bar. I don't sing but S26 had a few drinks in him and he sang a few songs. It was a small place when we left we were half of the crowd. Even stopped on the way home for some Sliders.
Don't know about the holidays, I kinda get depressed thinking about it. Oh well, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
Hi mincoms, re dragging feet about D, drag and stall as much as possible, why rush? its safer to change locks as everytime youre out w will help herself,mine grabbed most of kids photos birth certs, passports etc until I got key back. worst case scenerio W could change locks and lock you out! 1st xmas apart is a bad one alright (as all new) but spend it with your kids do things with them it will make you feel better dont worry about being invited to her family. i had my 1st xmas apart last year my kids were 5 and 2 then, hardest and saddest part was bringing them back on xmas day (w was demanding bring them in morning, but brought them at 1pm) take care
My kids are all adult age, but I think my S's relationships with their mother are strained. She has withdrawn from them. She never calls them or returns their calls. Went to a kareoke bar with both S's, S26 said he might not go to W's family's Christmas Eve. He called her T-Day and she still hasn't called him back. He has a D16mos, W has seen her twice since July. She's in her own little world, all she does is work and sleep.
One thing this Sep has done for me is I'm closer to the kids. W used to be the one who call them and kept me updated. S25 and D19 still live with me, I call S26 about 2 times a week and hang out with D24 one day and talk to her on the phone 1 or 2 times. I'm happy for that.
With my sitch, I had surgery 10/15 and will be out of work until 1/15/08, is I don't have money to buy them all gifts. They say it's alright but it still hurts.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
micoms, thanks for the book list. I'll pick up a couple from library. Thank God for libraries and Thank you Ben Franklin for having such wisdom. micoms, gifts for family, you don't need lot of money for gifts. How about Ds get a date with Dad, say, you two spend an lunch and afternoon at a museum or go to a saturday auction. Ever been to an estate auction? They are so much fun.. How about if you clean the bathroom and do two loads of laundry for S with child.??? How about if you make a spagettie (sp) for D and her BF, don't forget the candles for them. You get to eat in the kitchen! lol Now start the imagination I know you can think of all kinds of stuff to do for them or with them. Most important is set a date to give/deliver your gift or else it will get by you. When my dad was alive would have loved if he had made a spagettie dinner for H & I. Go to dollar store and find some cornie item to wrap up as a clue to what you are going to give as a gift. For example, take S & GK to zoo, wrap up a couple toy tigers & lions. What do you think?? Gee this sounds like fun to me. hope it helps Micoms. Kids evean adult kids want time just time with their parents, they want a special time when can have their mom or dad all to their self. In years to come you kids will comment on it was one of the best christmas presents ever.
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
I decided to make Christmas cookies for kids. They don't have time and I've got all day, lol. They said they would like that. I'll try to find some stuff for GK's. S26 said I've given him so much all of his life that he could never repay me, I had to hang up the phone and call him back, I couldn't talk, too choked up. Read some where about someone whose father said his kids could spend any amount of money on his resent. Only stipulation was they had to make it. Might tell kids that next year. Might make some interesting gifts.
Ongoing thing with S26, he'd ask me or I'd ask him what Christmas present you want, we'd say something that rocks. Last year I made him an ornament, a reindeer on a rocking horse frame. I went to his house, it sits on top of his big screen tv for everyone to see. Gives me an idea, maybe make ornament for D24 and S26.
Maybe a good present would be coupons to babysit GK's for overnight so they could have a night off. Wow I'm on a roll, lol. That would be a present for them and for me, an overnighter with Gk's. My parents weren't really involved with my kids when they were young, but I want to be involved with my GK's. D24 already asked if I'll coach GS in soccer. I was pretty good coach in rec league. Girls told me they would learn more at my practices than at their select practices. I'd let anyone come to my Friday practices, they were on individual skills. Sometimes I'd have 30 to 35 kids at those practices. Had pretty good teams, we went to state tournament five years in a row. Oh the glory days!
Your other ideas sound good also. Guess I might make something that rocks for S26!
Talked to my BF most of the night, he's having problems with his W. Mostly financial and sexual. Her mother died 4yrs ago and has been depressed since. She refuses to take any AD meds. He 's about ready to leave. Tried to talk him out of it.
Another thing to look at for books is amazon. I've gotten my last few books used there and saved some money. Friend said maybe my W should be reading some of the books I've been reading.
One of the things I did for S26 was he came to the house & I told him we have to go for a walk, his W wanted to come and I told her no. While we walked in the neighborhood he grew up in, I told him I was proud of the young man he was. I got quite emotional and told him that these were words I never heard from my father and would have love to have heard(my F died when I was 12). It was quite an experience. We stopped walking and hugged each other and cried. Two grown men crying on a public sidewalk. I wouldn't trade that memory for the world.
I guess it's not necessarily what you buy or how much you spend that matters. Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
micoms, WOW you must have been some soccer coach! funny how in a sport word gets around about those who not only know thier stuff but are willing to share their knowledge. 30-35 kids at a S practs. that is some respect you got. Means you didn't waste peoples time either. Gave them meat instead of fat! Same thing with dog sport, travel miles just to pract. with a few good coaches.! Time is so well spent and get so much out of the class / workout.
BF tell him to read Dr. John Gray, PhD book on sex and the bedroom, forget the exact title. The guy wrote venus mars books. Might save his marriage if he is lucky. His W will love him if he'd read it. Wish my dad had said the nice and loving things you say to your kids. Your family is more lucky than you all realize. funny, God made you go through your hellish youth so all your kids could have this Dad who got it!!! One suffered/lost out so 4 kids could grow into great adults! Coupon for overnight stay with GKs so parents can have a night away to themselves. Christmas day they just might have a tear or two in their eyes when open that present!!! That is a beautiful gift mike. LOL I can just see the PJ party you'll cook up with your GKs. Well one gift down, just a few more to go. LOL, For some reason had to read your lines on the christmas gift that rocks etc. about three times for I got it. Kept thinking of gift that rocks as in stone rocks. lol DU. Well it is late and need to get some sleep. Spent the evening with friends helping another widow friend put up her christmas tree. Nice time just took a lot longer than I thought all would. First have to drag berner dog Power Girl in from outside, 10 above zero and she is so happy outside. Hard to get her to come back in, they love cold. Of course with neighbors can't leave her out overnight. Wouldn't anyway, she has to much indoor coat to stay out all night tonight. later, grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
that was one thing W brought up in C'ing, I spent too much time with kids, she felt ignored. I just pray for another chance.
Wow, 10 degrees, I'm whining about the 30's. GK's are 2yo and 17mos, I'll have my hands full, but it will be great. GS2 gets excited when he sees me, runs up to me yelling papaw, papaw,papaw. He tries to talk, but I don't understand everything he says. Our S's were 13mos apart, they developed their own language like twins do.
Our lab is about 95lbs and loves it outdoors except when it's cold.
Gifts that rock is something between me and S26, Two years ago he got me a singing chipmunk that sang rock songs. So last year I made him that ornament as my gift that rocks.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
