Turning the Page

[w8ing]

Actually, TFH, I do okay at work. For some crazy reason, I can go in and be happy (please notice I did not say "act", I said "be"). What is strange is that I don't know who knows and who doesn't. Stranger yet, I don't care.... And to give credit to the in-laws.....all act like nothing is going on. You would never know......very wierd.......

Yesterday, H asked me to write something for him (normal part of my job). I wrote it up but didn't hear back from him. Today, he came in and asked me to write something else (again, a normal thing for me). I asked him about yesterday's thing and he said it was fine and he didn't have any changes. I wrote today's thing for him and gave it to him. He then started asking my advice on how to deal with a situation we now have. We talked about it and he is taking my advice.

All just normal. The old normal....not this new, crazy *ssed MLC normal.

But I don't read into it. Tonight the MLC fairy could hit him and he could be glaring at me tomorrow.

Someone asked me today if H will be with us on Christmas morning to see the girls open gifts. You know, I never even thought of it. You seem to be acting as if the marriage is still on, so to speak. I seem to be acting as if we are divorced......Why do I think that this isn't what I should be doing? Or is it just that your W is still there and my H isn't? I don't know. I know that, with the exception of the occasional spinning that I do when something new happens along the D lines, I am mostly at peace.

And it is a nice place to be after the last few months....

[theforlornhope]

W8ing, you're sounding good.

Amy - I was giggling at your post. But I also wondered what made you think it was MLC? It very well could have been a LBS pushed to the breaking point

Okay, Okay, no luggage. No coal, no mis-addressed lingerie, no bowling plates.

How about a pet rat?

I know, just kidding.

I still think you're Tee Ewe Eff Eff. TUFF. To take our rollercoaster ride at work sounds so much more difficult...

For some crazy reason, I can go in and be happy (please notice I did not say "act", I said "be").

Like I said TUFF!

At least I havetwo boys and a border collie at home who think I hung the moon. (and the B/C's frisbee. )

All just normal. The old normal....not this new, crazy *ssed MLC normal.

See, this is why I say you are so tuff. I can't imagine dealing with that guy around other people. (besides kids and border collies.) It would be too surreal, like a new episode of The Twilight Zone.

You seem to be acting as if the marriage is still on, so to speak. I seem to be acting as if we are divorced......Why do I think that this isn't what I should be doing? Or is it just that your W is still there and my H isn't?

I don't think it's that she is still here, our interactions are pretty limited, about 2 hrs per day not incl kid time.

Really, until just recently I was doing that also, but I wasn't very pleased with my outlook. It was helping me cope, but it wasn't where I needed to be for me internally.

Jack, MMF, and AmyC posted some things that made me re-evaluate my stance. Some of that was spiritual in nature, some wasn't.

I often feel uncomfortable with pointing out the spiritual things that give me strength, I don't want to sound pushy and then turn someone away. I wish I had the correct words to describe it.

Anyway, I don't think you're off-line with DBing, we all need to detach, especially when it comes down to the line on the logistics of custody and finances. I don't think this means that we can't stand for our marriage, just that we aren't accepting the MLC disneyland that our spouses envisioned.

I went through an angry FU period after I saw what my W "intended" for me after our D. It helped me detach A LOT. It really helped me put into perspective the IDLYA aspect of what was going on.

I guess it made me realize that what my W really envisioned wasn't a D, but for me to just vanish. From her life, our sons lives, our financial sit, the planet.

Once I got that into my head, I began to think of what is best for my sons first, and then what is "equitable" for me / us. I don't really think about what she wants anymore, I can't think like her husband anymore in that respect, as much as I want to. (I think you might be at that place as well,)

I had a bit of trouble coming back to where I want to be after that.

Those posts I mentioned really helped me. Jack's posts have been a reality check for me in my threads all along, and AmyC's post that really woke me up about my attitude is on page 4 of this thread, 8 posts after your's

And it is a nice place to be after the last few months....

I know, it really is. I'm glad you're there. I want so badly to hear from my friends here that things are going their way for once. Sometimes that's far enough. That's where I was when I got AmyC's post.

I hope that you can take some time to gather your strength and take a look at the question of standing. It took a lot for me to refocus on that. I know how awfully hard that idea is.

It isn't for everyone, (I'm still not 100% sure about me,) and your H has been a terrible Sh17. No-one would think poorly of you if you said to heck with him.

I definately had a hand in this at the beginning, so in my sit, I owe it to my sons, to her, and to me.

It really makes my day hearing from you.

So what ARE your plans for Christmas? Your house? Who's coming? (besides Santa,) More importantly, Turkey or Ham? MMMMmmmmm Christmas dinner...

Just a thought. Since she is unlikely to buy me a gift, I am also shopping for a gift for myself. Take a minute to spoil yourself this year and buy something for you from "Santa," that you wouldn't normally buy. Your Ds will love it, and you deserve it!

Maybe an expensive piece of jewelry that everyone at work will notice. (I think you can safely ignore gift suggestions from me after my previous posts, fun, funny, not the smartest.)

Tonight the MLC fairy could hit him and he could be glaring at me tomorrow.

I shoot fair trap / skeet, maybe we could arrange something for that fairy at her next visit here.... PULL...

[theforlornhope]

W8ing,

Yesterday, H asked me to write something for him (normal part of my job). I wrote it up but didn't hear back from him. Today, he came in and asked me to write something else (again, a normal thing for me). I asked him about yesterday's thing and he said it was fine and he didn't have any changes. I wrote today's thing for him and gave it to him. He then started asking my advice on how to deal with a situation we now have. We talked about it and he is taking my advice.

The more I read that, the more surreal it seems. How can the guy just go on like you're a colleague and then change faces later.

Like Jeckyll and Hyde.

How weird.

[theforlornhope]

Oops, this came out wrong.

It isn't for everyone, (I'm still not 100% sure about me,)

I am sure it's what I want to do. My worry is simply time.

Believe it or not, I am patient, I'm just learning to apply it to a new part of my life.

[theforlornhope]

I just posted this on open forums, Just for fun. Thought some of you might like these jokes.

How many MLCers does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.None;

The light bulb was never there. If it was, it never worked.

That light isn't good for me anymore. Take it out.

I hate that light. There are better lights everywhere but here. I don't like light anyway.

I'm leaving, there's no light here, there never has been. I'm going to find a better light, so I can really, truly see.

The kids will be fine, they'll learn to see in the dark. You stay here in the dark with the broken bulb, I'm taking the house and fixtures.

Look, I found a NEW light, this is the BEST LIGHT EVER, there has never been a TRUE light before now.

The kid's eyes will adjust, they'll be fine. They'll like this new light even more than the old one.



A couple more,

How many snipers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
.
.
...None, they wear ghillie suits.




How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no thieves have tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

that MLC lightbulb one is a great one.

[theforlornhope]

I stole the dog one, but the other two are mine. Like I said, PMA brings back my sense of humor.

I'll admit my Christmas gift jokes were pretty dark, but.... Dark humor for dark times. I'm not assuming things anymore, it will be what it will be.

I joke about it to deal with it.

I'll probably have more after our settlement conference. My W's atty is one of those hateful people that you immediately dislike. No, seriously, I know A LOT of atty's, and this one came in with a CHIP on her shoulder. I don't hold it against her for being my W's atty, but she is one of those people that it is just hard to like.

Lawyer jokes....MMMmmmmm lots of those.

[w8ing]

Gotta run to get D13, but love the jokes....

Great idea about buying myself a present. And I think I know exactly what I want......

I will go back and read some of the posts from the people you mentioned - a little later when my driving job is over. Gotta love these kid activities....

I don't know if I am detaching or if I am distancing. Either way, it is easier to wake up each morning...

No decisions now about standing. If I am uncertain, it means that I am not ready to decide. And I am uncertain.

I am also responsible for the marriage going bad. I will take a lot of blame for that. Hindsight....heck, I would change so much. I was lazy and did nothing to change our problems.

But I don't agree or take any responsibility for how he is choosing to "fix" things.

Okay, now I am really late! I will check in later!

[theforlornhope]

W8ing, thanks.

Good for you. So what's the present?? Ok, you don't have to tell us if you would have to put the blushing smiley by it.

I haven't picked mine out yet. (I'm fairly certain I won't get one from her, esp if the settlement conference is before then. maybe I'll lock up all the sharp objects in the house too. )

If I am uncertain, it means that I am not ready to decide. And I am uncertain.

I agree completely. That's not a decision to rush, it would just put you in more turmoil later. Either way there is no need to rush. You'll know when the time is right to decide.

I was uncertain and very angry after the first settlement conference. I couldn't make up my mind. I did a lot of thinking, reading, and praying, (that helps me.) AmyC's post put some things together for me at the right time for me to hear it.


So what's the gift already?

[Grace_O]

Is it frilly and lacey and glows in the dark? Wait, that's mine.

I agree that uncertainty makes for not deciding. Glad all seems to be going well over here.

Loved the jokes! I've got a lab/rott mix, so you can imagine her response....