That just means Amy likes you really. She is the type of friend who will tell you your acting like an a$$ hole. Instead of going, "What's wrong...are you ok sweetie?"
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack and Amy, good advice, 2x4, tough love, if I had had enough foresight to seek input from you guys before 2.5 years ago, I might not be in this mess.
Bring it on!
Hindsight says PAY ATTENTION.
I'm hard, but not stupid...
Quote:
She is the type of friend who will tell you your acting like an a$$ hole.
You can't pipe that into the space between my ears and my mouth before I speak can you?.....
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
Honestly when you talk to her, learn to mentally count ot 10 or something that slows you down before answering or responding right way.
"Is what I am about to say going to hurt or help my marriage" That is what I tried to think before I talked with my wife.
Still do actually.
please notice the tried, it is hard at times. Sometimes it was better to stop a conversation, and say look I am pretty sure this is not going the way either one of us wants it too. Can we do this when we are are calmer.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
This weekend was pretty busy, and we spent a lot of time together with the kids. 2 of 3 nights we watched tv together after the boys went down. Very pleasant and enjoyable. We did hit a glitch when she was looking for Christmas decorations. She became upset because she couldn't find some of them, (I had moved them from the basement into a closet upstairs.) I went to the basement to look, and she followed me down. She asked if I was angry, (I don't think I was acting angry,) I said "no, but you are acting angry with me and I don't know why." Things definately took a turn for the better after I found them.
Saturday was a little uncomfortable. She took the boys to the mall to have their pictures taken. She wasn't wearing her ring.
Why do I even notice.
After she got back, I asked how it went, and she said fine, they were little monsters, but it went fine and she got their pictures done. I asked if she got some with her too, and she visibly became VERY uncomfortable, saying yes, she had gotten some "family" pics too. I was (I think,) pretty nonchalont about asking, so her reaction spoke volumes.
Ugh. Now I understand about the ring.
She does have trouble with the boys when she is alone. I backstop her as much as possible, warning them to be good for her, and correcting them with / for her if she asks me to. Lately S4 has been trying on some attitude for size with her.
I asked her if she wanted to go to church with us, and she said no, the boys jumped in and started asking her to come with us. I left it alone after that. I'll try not to offer in front of them again. I ask every couple of weeks, but I try not to make a big deal about it.
After church on Sunday, I told her that S6 and I would need to make cookies for next week, and the following week is the soup-potluck, so I would probably make navy bean soup to take in.
She seemed a little sad as we talked about it. One of her primary reasons for wanting us to belong to a church before was for the community. We are both pretty alone here. I think she is feeling a little left out in this area, but is still refusing to participate. I think she's also sad because she has trouble making friends, and she doesn't think I do.
Both the W and I are coming down with something, I have it pretty bad so I stayed home from work today.
This morning she looked in the microwave and said wow, this is dirty, I bet you wish your wife could clean it. (I do most of the kitchen cleaning, so that was kind of a joke.) I said I'm just glad my wife did the grocery shopping.
I was asleep when they got home, butI woke up in time to hug the boys at bedtime, and we watched some tv together. Pretty pleasant. She did say she was sorry I wasn't feeling well.
Pretty good weekend altogether, except the part about the ring.
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
Hey, just checking in on you, as I appreciate you checking in on me all the time It's so weird how we make certain "friends" around here, you know?
I so wish and pray for you that your W comes around. I think it's so sad when it seems they are just keeping on w/ their plans out of pride and don't think they can *come back* b/c they've gone too far already. Sounds maybe like that's where your W is?
Maybe while you continue to do what you need to do for yourself & the boys, she will see what she's truly losing and will finally break through and allow herself to *feel* again.
I truly know how hard it is to maintain when they are still in the house! You are doing an awesome job -- for yourself and for your boys.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
It's so weird how we make certain "friends" around here, you know?