Wife has filed, what do I do ?

[christarn]

sounds like you are making a speedy recovery! When you are refereeing, does the leg that they harvested the veins from bother you at all? My patients sometimes say the leg is worse than the chest!

Wow, your wife has done both to you MLC/WAW...that's tough! Has she actually filed for D or just said it? Is the counseling helping at all? I totally feel you on wanting to work and a spouse that wants to run. My H and I were doing ok (or at least I thought we were) then I went to Ireland with my family for 2 weeks in Sept., things have been different ever since. We went from texting weekly and seeing eachother couple times a month, to maybe texting 4 times a month, and I have only seen him twice since I have been home from Ireland. Wish I knew what happend?

take care of yourself, when do you get released to go back to work? that will help to keep your mind off of some of this, that is soooooo hard to do sometimes!

take care of yourself!
christa

[micoms]

Just had surgery 5 weeks ago, haven't reffed yet since, unless the let me put a lawn chair at mid field and let me call the game from there, lol.

She filed 11/09, received papers 11/16. Guess her atty said file while he's down.

I see her still, she came to the house Sun with D24 & GS. Was pleasant, no R talks. I'll have to talk about D with her though. She wants $1200 a month for alimony, thats 31% of my take home pay. She is in the midst of a MLC. Confirmed by our MC. Had at least one EA/PA. That OM is married. I'll see her T-day, since I had surgery, I can't do it, not allowed to pick up more than 10lbs.

D24 is going to do it, I'll have to show her what to do, if it doesn't come out of a can or box with instructions, she doesn't know what to do.

W sends mixed signals, Sun when she left I asked how about a hug? Got one, I was looking in her eyes when I asked, started to go for about a peck on the lips while still looking in her eyes, decided not to, turned my head, she kissed me on the cheek. She squeezed me tight, hug lasted about 10 sec.

well got to go, by the way I'm not having problems with harvested leg, did at first. Took 15 min walks first 2 days home, leg swelled. Had to slow down on walks and ice leg.

Mike

[christarn]

I can totally relate to wanting to work on something, and having a spouse that wants to run...it plain sucks! Do you have any big 180's planned for T-day..if not get your thinking cap out!!! Go get some really good smelling new cologne!!! and a really cool new shirt!! something sexy!!! Get her to check you out!!!!!!

My H had OW immediatly after I left, I'm over that, nothing one can do about it. I think he feels he's not good enuf for me, which is totally boguss...I wish I knew what I could do, to make him see that it is ok, and I truly love and care about him for who he is.

It's easy to feel rejection when your spouse spends little time with you. Michelle is so right when she stated in DB/DR that marriages usually begin to break down when couples stop spending time together. You have many positives working in your favor, DO NOT give up on that. You are both still seeing a counselor together...big positive. Your children are on your side, which I see as a benefit. And you are all spending the holiday together...make it count!!!

Sounds like your revovery from surg. is going great...keep up the awesome job with your rehab. take care, christa

[micoms]

180's, I think I'll try flirting with her. Maybe wink at her from across the room, tell her she looks great(she does she lost about 50lbs, she said she weighed about 180 at one time, I think she is about 125 now). When I've told her she looks great she tries to deny, I think she has self esteem problems. She has to work until 2PM as always. I'm going to be upbeat, positive, and try to laugh a bit. I look back at myself the last year, I didn't laugh a lot. I was depressed. I felt rejected, her job was more important than time with me. Her hours are 4AM to 2PM, I'd come home from work she'd be in a chair sleeping, wake up for dinner and be asleep by 7PM.

My W has said I deserve some one better than her, she can't be the kind of wife I deserve, etc. I think it is out of guilt for what she has done and doesn't deserve me. I want to work our M problems out. Since we've been S I see things I've done that got us where we are and see some of what she's done. I don't want the old M back, i want a new R that develops into a spiritual, loving M.

As far as cologne goes she loves my Joop, I'll wear that and my smaller clothes that fit so well now. Don't have money for new clothes right now, being out on med leave. I have some clothes I put away years ago form when I lost weight, only got down to 215 that time, down to 207 now. Good thing I'm a pack rat or I wouldn't have anything that fits.

Where do you work as a cardiac nurse? You weren't one of mine were you, lol. You a slave driver on the walks and coughs like mine were? Just kidding, I know it was for my own good.

Mike

[christarn]

sounds like you have your plan of attack down!! sounds awesome!!

I'm a huge stickler on my patients...I've seen one too many have to go back to ICU on a ventilator because they didn't cough and do their breathing excerises and wound up in respiratory distress...not a pretty picture! I work in Springfield, IL at Memorial Medical Center, in the heart and vascular insititute. I love what I do. Unfortunatly it was my drive and passion for my job, that put my M on the back seat.

I can relate on the whole self esteem thing too. My H's is in the toilet, and has been since he was a child. I wish I could do something, something more than just sitting around and praying and waiting...but for now, that's the best route for me to take!!

[micoms]

I had problems with walking at first, I couldn't breathe. They said it happens in men who are muscular, one of the drainage tubes runs between the lung and rib cage.

My nurses worked 3 12hr shifts and had the rest of the week off.

I guess my self esteem suffered also, feeling rejected, her lack of time with me, no sex life to speak of, etc. I'm working on building it back up.

Is the OW out of the picture now? My W had at least one EA/PA that I know of possible another or picked back up with the first one. When the A ended, she would want to quit her job. Must be hard to work around someone you had a R with and now it's over. Her OM was married also. Don't think she's seeing anyone now, but she's going out to bars doing who knows what.

Mike

[christarn]

I also work 3 12's and try to pick up over time, try to stay busy as I can, keep my mind focused on other things.

My patients say the drainage tubes, hurt pretty darn bad, they are usually lying on a nerve, which makes it very difficult to inhale deeply.

I've heard that the OW is out of the picture, but same here, he goes out and drinks a lot, so I'm not sure what the heck is truely going on. I try not to focus on it. Just stay busy and do fun things with my friends on my weekends off. that's all I can do for now. You're self esteem will get back up there in time, believe me! i've been fighting this battle now for 10 months, it does get a little easier in time, it still sucks, but day to day things come a little easier!

well i'm off for 12 hours of slave driving those patients to walk and cough and breath...well you know the drill!!!!!!!!!

take care, start gettin yourself pumped up for tomorrow...
christa

[micoms]

Thanks for the encouraging words. Wish I was going to work, only seven weeks to go. They've called a few times on getting some of my jobs to run again. I am a elevator service mechanic. Been doing that for 28 years, wow thats a long time.

Going to hang out with D24 and GS today, Probably go to a mall and walk around.

Mike

[christarn]

Have a happy turkey day, good luck with your sitch! Show off some good DB moves!! I am spending my t-day 12 hours at work! oh boy!!! take care, christa

[micoms]

Thanks, you too. Got children?

PMA at all time high. Ran into a guy I bowled with fea year ago Mon night. Told me W said I was having A on her a year ago. Went to alley he bowls at tonight and talked to his long time GF(they've been together 15yrs.). She confirmed this, happened a year a go or longer and said W had a couple of guys interested in her (W had been out with GF's drinking before coming to alley. That is isn't what boosted me. Friends GF told me I'm a keeper, she knew the kind of man I am, and I'm the kind of guy her friends dream to meet,I'm a keeper!!

What a boost! Not that I'm interested in somebody else right now, but that is how a woman views me. She also introduced me to a couple of men who had separated and got back together. One was separated 6mos, the other actually was divorced 15mos, dating after 11mos and remarried after 15mos. Sat down in the restaurant and talked to him and his wife.

Every one have a happy Thanksgiving Day, save some turkey for tomorrow.

Mike