Once again GD, I have to say I envy you. Fortunately, my talents and skills (and capacity to love) are "inherited" as well and W will not get any of these in the big D either!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Thanks SD, saffie, Nomopo (nice to hear from you stranger!), and sandi!
Quick update:
Wasn't invited to a party thrown by mutual friends Saturday night because W and her BF were invited, and W said she wouldn't come if I was going to be there. Obviously she hasn't been able to move on yet. Anyway, that pissed me right off, and I've told these friends that it's W's problem, not mine. We should BOTH be invited to the party, and given the choice whether or not to come because the ex is going to be there too. We should also both be told that if we are there, that we are expected to be civil, and if we don't like the fact that the other is there, ignore them and/or avoid them. The fact that my W has been enabled and given the power to dictate these decisions is disappointing to say the least. Also disappointing is that she can't be mature and grown-up enough to be okay with it. Until today, I've been nothing but helpful, accepting, and accomodating for her, and she has only gotten ruder with me of recent. It shows me that either (or any combination of the following):
a) she has no respect for me b) she isn't over me c) is trying to make me react in ways that show the old GD
I also found out last night from a mutual friend that she thinks its kind of funny when she gets an attitude with me for no reason. Along with this, she has taken the stance that my calmness when she is rude to me or attacks me is not really sincere, but is actually me being a smartass (?!?!). I've done nothing to give her that impression, so I believe it is her way of simply justifying her continued negative behavior toward me.
Okay, so today:
I met with me atty late this morning and told him I'm not giving W any of the money from the house sale (i.e. NO inheritance money for her). I also said that I would do other things to help her out, but that is it. I've actually agreed to give her more than she is entitled to, but none of the inheritance money. Problem now is that I have to provide documentation of all of my inheritance AND how it was used to purchase ALL of the house -- and I have to have all of this by Wednesday for trial.
Working on it now, but just wanted to let you all know. And, if you haven't read what I found out about W's R with OM/BF, go back a few pages and read up. It is very gratifying (I know, I'm being evil, but right now it feels so good, and I need to let myself feel these emotions)!
Oh, and W apparently called just a little bit ago (likely found out about my new "offer"), but didn't leave a message. Oh well, her behavior has finally given me the help on detaching that I needed. Thanks W!
GD Sorry for the party thing. Forget about it. Glad you are determined to get things done and this is actually helping you detach. Sounds to me like she is just still totally confused.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I was all for you splitting the house with your W as the right thing to do until your recent posts. Your W sounds like she's being a grasping, childish, manipulative bitch. The comments relayed to friends about her and OM regarding what "they" plan on doing with the money has to infuriate you. Since you were doing it primarily for your kids' benefit, taking that money and putting it into a trust makes a helluva lot more sense than handing it over for your W and OM to pi$$ away. There, ranted a bit for you!
Good luck man. That bit about the party sounds really petty. For myself, I would have disinvited anyone who put that condition on a party I was throwing. C'mon. Actually "broke up" with a friend over that. Was friends with a couple. She put conditions on you can't be friends with both of us, he's still my best friend.
Do right by your kids. You're no longer under any obligation to do right by your W and OM (though that doesn't sound like it's going to well. Hooray for you!).
Finally, and actual thought, she most likely wouldn't be acting some of the way she's acting if she didn't feel at least a little confusion about what's going on. Be firm, but don't be an a$$.
Going back a few pages, if you lead and be gentle, I'll Lindy Hop with you. We both might need to knock back a few first though
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
I'd like to, but friends don't do that to one another. Everyone else was invited but me, and simply because my W had a problem with it. That should never be the way these kinds of things are done when you have mutual friends. I don't want to be friends with someone who does this to me, when I wouldn't do it to them.
Heim & CVA,
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Sounds to me like she is just still totally confused.
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Finally, and actual thought, she most likely wouldn't be acting some of the way she's acting if she didn't feel at least a little confusion about what's going on. Be firm, but don't be an a$$
I agree it sounds something like her being confused, but she did outright deny my request to postpone the D and consider working things out in the future. Also, she has told our friends that she doesn't even like talking to me because she can't stand the sound of my voice (so sweet, eh?). I think she's more or less acting the way she is simply because I haven't jumped at the opportunity to sign the mediation agreement and D decree. She's mad because I haven't done what she wants me to do, and the sooner I do, the sooner she's GUARANTEED the money. That's kind of how I see it.
If she'd have been more civil and respectful to me -- and if I wouldn't have heard about he and OM anxiously waiting for the money and making plans regarding what they're going to do with it -- I might have followed through with it. Not now though. I've come to realize that I've totally been manipulated and used. I've been her doormat, and I'm not going to be anymore. I've already been devasted emotionally through this -- I will no longer allow myself to be devasted financially too. The more I've thought about it, the more I've come to realize that this money was given to me to support and provide for me and my family (and my W is NOT a part of my family anymore). She should've only been entitled to it while she was a part of my family. Since she has been the one to chose not to be such, she should have to deal with the legal and natural consequences of her actions.
Thanks for ranting with/for me, Heim -- I thoroughly enjoyed it!
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You're no longer under any obligation to do right by your W and OM (though that doesn't sound like it's going to well. Hooray for you!).
Yes -- a small victory in this emotional war! Hope you enjoyed it and that it gave you some hope, too! I think we all kind of celebrate these victories vicariously through one another.
I'm becoming a pretty good Lindy lead, so you'll be in good hands (and I'll be gentle ).
Good work, you caught that house/inheritance thing just in time. Heimy had a good idea to set the money aside for the kids as a college fund, or for down payments on their houses someday. That will take some of the wind out of her sails when she gets angry about not getting the $$ herself. You are definitely going to see that girl's true colors in the very near future.
