I just want to say that you deserve to find someone that will love you and appreciate you for the great person you have become. I truly hope that you will move on in your life. I know that is easy for me to sit here and type those words, but you have said it all yourself. I hope you can get through the grieving soon and get on with living. I believe it is actually harder in some ways than when the S dies. B/c in death, well everything is different and you know there is never any more chances and you are FORCED to move ahead. In D, there is always the chance of seeing that person that was once yours, having to talk to them about family or business,etc. It is hell. Anyway, best wishes for you. You know you have lots of support here. You have been a great supporter of me.
And speaking of me....since you had asked on another person's post, I am doing okay. WEll, better than okay, actually. I went over to "piecing" forum since my thread locked up. My H and I are back to where "normal" was before I stated all the internet crapp. We are being nice and respectful to each other. We kiss good-bye when I go off to work in the mornings and kiss good-night. Still no touchy-touchy stuff, but it will come in time. H agreed never to bring up OM again...and he hasn't. I think I am gaining his trust back quickly b/c he leaves me alone at the computer for hours at a time without coming in to "check" me out. He seems more relaxed and calmed down. He is acting more like his old self and so am I. I have gotten more involved in church again. I am trying to get my house cleaned and organized again, b/c I had let it get into bad shape spending all my free time on the computer. I got quite a bit accomplished today and I feel good about that. So many times, due to my Fibromyalgia, I am not able to do anything after I get in from work. So, the housework pills up.
With my H and I....it takes time to just let things be "normal". I don't know if you understand what I mean by that. I don't know if our age has something to do with it or if it is just us...but it is kind of like...we have to let this "back to normal" stage run its course for a while before we are ready to make the next step. I included my H.....maybe it is just me, I don't really know. He seems to be happy that we are just back to where we were before all hell broke loose.
I have been a little concerned about my kids and how they may feel toward me. They don't appear to be angry or upset with me. However, I still feel a little uncomforatable around my D, since she discovered the IM between me an OM. We try to act normal and move on. She and I have talked and she said she knew I was just "human" and she doesn't hold it against me. She know her dad did nothing to help toward the R for a long time. Still and all....I wonder if she isn't very disappointed in me. I know it had to be a shock!
From time to time, I am a little tempted to contact the OM. I won't....but still the temptation comes occasionaly. I have had to "grieve" OM, which I know sounds disgusting to LBS....it does me. However, that is the way it is. At first, I would cry every night....b/c I felt lonely and empty and had needs that weren't being met. I couldn't go to H, b/c I felt like he was a brother to me. So, I had to work it out alone. It is getting better though. I have my moments.
All in all, I feel blessed that my life has returned to almost normal again in such a short time....compared to most folks on this board. I owe it to you friends who came to my rescue in those first weeks when I was reaching out for help...even though at the time, I still wasn't ready to let go of the OM. That part was hard....but I did it. Everytime I am tempted and wonder what things may have been (you know...a life with OM), I just remember all that I went through and I don't want that again! Then, I tell myself to look ahead and not backward. It is unbelievable how blind I was!
One thing that has been good for me to get through the times that the temptation comes....is to get on here and read other posts and if there is anything I can offer to others, I try to help out. That has been good therapy for me.
Well, let me hear from you GD. Again, I send my prayers and best wishes for you.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
GD-- Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. Unfortunately, my H is following in your W's footsteps as far as our sitchs go, but I hope I can also follow in yours and the tremendous growth that you have made. I am looking into lindy-lessons this week, and bellydancing is coming up again soon.
I don't understand how these once loving people can turn so hard the other way...
Please keep dancing...
Do you think you might make an Oct meetup in CT, an hour from NYC?
Thanks Dave -- you're right about that. The door will still be open, but the focus is much less on her now, if at all (at least that is my current goal). I will try not to be conscious of what would spark her interest, curiosity, etc, when she is to come get the kids (or vice versa). I'm just going to be the best dad and best person I can be for me, and try not to worry whether or not W notices. No more monitoring, taking stock, etc. I must detach as much as possible in order to move on. Hopefully I will still be willing or in a position to work things out with W if she ever changes her mind. At this point, I'm seriously doubting she ever will, OM or not. I will definitely not drop my hard-earned changes, but just won't worry about how/if they effect change and/or change of heart in W.
Donna,
I'd like to make the trek to CT in Oct, but I have a 5 day Jazz Festival in Sun Valley, ID from Oct 17-21 to attend (and Lindy Hop dance, of course). Maybe in the spring (foilage is pretty then too, right?)...
Awesome on the Lindy lessons (and bellydancing)! I've got a Lindy friend who has also taken belldancing lessons, and OH MY GOSH!
Oh, and thanks Sandi! I appreciate the kind words, and I'm really glad to see you getting to a better place in your R with H. It is sounding very positive -- don't give up!
The door will still be open, but the focus is much less on her now, if at all (at least that is my current goal). ... No more monitoring, taking stock, etc. I must detach as much as possible in order to move on.
GD, Exactly! You are in a great position, in many ways. You are young and enlightened. Every day for the rest of your life, you will appreciate what you have. Most of us don't get their until mid-life! Carpe diem!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
GD, Just checkin' in on you! How the rug is all thrashed up from last night. I'm practicing my maringue right now since all my neighbors are latino/as!
hasta luego mi amigo! SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
