GD's New Dance

[dlt1]

Hi All, I'm in the same boat of feeling anger/resentment that W is done, will not consider waiting and working. I don;t understand how she can just walk like that. (actually, I understand this is how she has reacted everytime she has faced an opportunity to give herself completely to another). But, now that she knows that, why not figure it all out before tossing everything away??? I am finding my anger is less and less though, even after only a few days. You know you'll get there too. We're ging to attempt to divvy things on our own (no kids, so not nearly as difficult). Just like you said, staying positive and helpful, but I will not walk away with the less than my fair part of what we built together.

[Heimlich]

GD,

A needle jabbing into your skin over and over and over; bad. Still, that is a pretty cool tat.

Full sleeve next, eh?

BD

[waw1978]

Nice! Love the tat. Its very original. Hope you are enjoying it.

[Gone Dancin']

Okay, I'm trying to detach completely, but just had a little relapse and wanted to say this here since I just posted it regarding something on waw1978's thread. The lack of control over my M is really getting to me right now:

My changes have not changed my W's mind, and she still wants to proceed with the D. I'm torn between how much it has to do with her new BF, and how much it has to do with the fact that she just plain doesn't love me anymore (BF or not). I also wonder if she will ever feel love for me again, given the constistent and permanent changes in me and my R with her. It's been 9 months, and it honestly does scare me that she will never love me again no matter what I do. Can a person who spent a decade with you, experienced so much (both good and bad) with you, decided to have children with you, etc, really just walk away and never love you again? Can the damage I've done really be that severe and cause such permanent lack of love?

This is crazy! I wish she could see, would see, how much she means to me and how much good this experience has done for me and therefore could do for our R/M. If she would just give us another chance. I wonder if she really does not love me anymore, or if it more the fear of being hurt again, of us getting into the same rut again, etc, that keeps her holding strong in her decision to D. I WISH I COULD JUST KNOW WHAT SHE IS FEELING AND THINKING! She has never really opened up to me about this at all since the bomb, and not having this knowledge really doesn't allow me to have the kind of closure I feel I need to completely move on. I just need to know, but don't think I can ask her again -- I've done it before and to no avail.

Bottom line, this crap sucks. Okay, I feel better already (but I still mean everything I just said).

GD

[dlt1]

I hear you bro. BF is enabling her to not really hurt (same sitch for my W). She'll get there one day, but who knows when that will be and where you will be. I like to think that even if we do D, and she figures things out 6,8,10 months later and wants to revisit us, that I will be willing. BUt I have no idea where I will be and if I wil lhave found someone. I'm scared taht i'll always compare women to her. For that, I feel resentment towards W. We are allowed to feel this way about W and M. What is happening hurts, when we hirt we feel all sorts of things including anger. You need to feel that, don;t let it consume you, but let yourself feel these things. Of course, you know this. You're doing fine. Keep venting anytime!

[Gone Dancin']

dlt1,

Good luck on the splitting of property and assets together. Sounds like you're on pretty good terms if you're able to do this without a mediator. I hope everything goes smoothly for you if/when the time comes.

Heim,

Full sleeves, both arms! Maybe even some pants...

waw,

Thanks for the feedback on the tat -- I'm enjoying it and am still happy I got it (thank God!). It is a little irritating right now comfort-wise, but other than that not bad. What to get next and where... I'm actually getting the upper part of my ear pierced soon, so I guess that is my next venture.

GD

[SuperDad]

GD,
If you want to nail the coffin shut, start up another R talk!!! Otherwise, zip it and let your actions speak for you! Show her (through your R with your kids) what an open and loving (and changed) person you are. Some day soon, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of her life...she will recognize this and want you back. Only question, will you still be available?

I doubt it, but still a chance.

SD

PS - for you youngsters, that was H Bogart in Casablanca!

[Sara]

GD,

Try not to take it personally. I do think it is being in love with OM that blinds her to you right now. Most of us are at least serially monogamous, and as long as there is one love, all others are crowded out. This doesn't mean that she can never love you again. Only that she loves him now.

[waw1978]

I have to agree Sara. I think that your W's feelings for OM are clouding her judgement and its a distraction from the hurts she felt during the M. One good thing you have on your side is that you have made great strides in personal growth. You know what your faults are and you have worked your rear off making changes that are important to you. W will continue to see this new & improved GD and will not be able to ignore how you have grown and the man you have become. The seeds are there, just let them grow.

The statistics say that most rebound relationships do not last. Chances of this OM being around long term are slim. When this rebounder relationship ends she is going to be faced with all the disappoints of that R plus having to deal with the fall out of the M ending as well since it sounds like the OM is a band-aid of sorts for her hurts.

[not an ex yet]

GD,
I agree on the OM thing. But remember that EVERYONE has faults and eventually W will be faced with a whole new set of annoyances. Hopefully yours will pale in comparison to the belching, farting, sloppy, rude, crude pig he will become once they get "comfortable". Right? This kind of thinking is what keeps me sane at least.
Your feelings are totally normal and word for word could have been taken straight from my mind!
That's awesome on the tat! I have actually been thinking of getting another one (I have 2) but can't think of anything "grand" that I won't regret. The pisces sign is a great idea..I am an aquarius, I'll have to look into that. H isn't a big fan of tattoos so it is kind of something I can do out of spite that actually doesn't hurt him at all and I will still enjoy it.
Anyway, hang in there. I think it is so great that you all have actually gotten together and hung out. Maybe I will have to join this "gang" sometime, you all sound like alot of fun!